When is somebody "the one" and when are they not?

[kinatra]

Hi,

 

I am interested in reasons or stories from people who knew their significant other was the one, married them and I want to know how it's going (i.e. has it been successful/happy?).

 

On the other side, I would like to hear reasons or stories why you shouldn't get married or think someone is the one?

 

Interested to read your responses,

 

Kinatra

[SwingFox]

Hi Kinatra,

 

First of all thank you for bringing in this topic. I understand that you're curious in what people think about "The One".

 

Personally, I believe it's impossible to say that someone is "The One". I have seen people being together for like a month or so and break up, because it didn't work out. At some point at the very beginning, they said: "He/She is really The One for me". Also the opposite is very possible: I have seen people being married for 15-20 years and then see their marriages go downhill and eventually get a divorce. A sad case of people eventually not being a match, either.

 

Love is a dynamic thing and needs to be 'watered' and cared for all the time. It needs work and sometimes some hard work, too. It's easy to give up and move on (even though most people that just broke up, will tell you different), but it's a challenge to stay and try to sort things out eventually. Does that mean that you have to try and walk on your toes at ALL times? I don't think so. I believe that if you have tried everything in your power and possible for you to try and things still don't work out, you might come to the conclusion that you weren't just meant for each other.

 

I hope that this sheds a certain light on your question. Thank you again for bringing up the topic. Wishing you a bright future

 

~ SwingFox ~

[Gilgamesh]

Well in this forum you'll get mostly negative responses.

 

When people want someone their brain tends to filter out what they dont want to see or hear, making their man/women the "One" (the so called love is blind scenario) this is a psychological fact !! and is why many relationships have problems later on, and once a certain threshold is reached, it will hit that person like a ton of bricks and all the stuff that didnt bother them about there partner before suddenly now is a problem.

and they now "see" everything.

 

How can people help prevent problems later on? be honest about who you are, and what your values are, does the potential partner your interested in match your values? is he/she like that with everyone or just you?

 

How many time in my life have i seen, a guy or gal that falls for someone that cheated on someone else to be with them, yet in their values cannot stand cheaters!! because they are not the ones being cheated on they think it does not apply to them, but the fact is, the man that just cheated on someone else does NOT match those values that they hold. thats just a simple example but you get my drift.

 

But to get to your question, I still believe in love and marriage even though I have had some difficult times. every situation was different and in every situation I have learned more.