BrokeUp. Doing no contact. Day 6.

[BrokenHeart37]

I am an older woman. Was in a long distance relationship just short of two years.

Last few month of 2017 he became distant in that we did not communicate for days.

He told many times he loved me. When I would ask why we were not making plans to meet he made excuse after excuse.

He forgot my birthday and Christmas. I never failed to remember him.

One side relationship. I am very tender hearted person.

Always want to believe the best in someone until proven otherwise.

It seems all that he told me did not hold water. He never followed through on things he said he would do. Excuses.

I just could not understand why he would tell me he loved me....when in fact you would not treat someone you love disrespectful with made up lies about feelings.

Six days ago sent him an email I could not accept his excuses any longer or his inactions.

Online he has a new girlfriend that lives just a few blocks from him. So, that answers a lot of questions I had where he could not come with the truth.

Very painful at six days. I am going to have to pray through this.

I really do not want to talk to him as I would have nothing to say.

If anyone is a praying person I would appreciate your prayers. deb

[DanZee]

Well, did you ever really meet this guy? It's a reason to find people who live near you who you can go on dates with, get intimate with, maybe even spend the night with. Online relationships are fantasies. The person never lives up to the mental picture you create of them. Find someone who you can see, touch and feel.

[BrokenHeart37]

No. We actually dated. Became close. A relative got ill and I had to move to another state to care for them.

That when it became a long distance relationship. At that point I felt it would not last, but he reassured me we would see each other.

We are only an hour away by plane. However, long distance relationship are hard to keep going.

He found someone else, and tried to keep me hanging on at the same time.

Why I ended it. That and he lied a lot about his feelings.

If he had been honest it would have been so much better, but fair is on another planet.

Tomorrow will be day seven of my no contact and I will keep it going.

 

Too, he is 70 years old and dating a woman 40 years old woman.

Grandpa dating. I am sure the woman will find out what he is all about in time.

I agree with you. Dating online without meeting is not dating at all.

[BrokenHeart37]

This is day seven. I wanted to keep you posted how this post breakup is going.

Have no heard from the ex boyfriend. Even if I did at this stage I have no one word to say to him.

I am having time to reflect upon myself. Why I get attached to a certain kind of man.

In the past and with this lastest man, I have chosen to engage with men that lie about their feelings.

I do not pretend to be nothing I am not. Do not lie about love as I feel this is a serious feeling.

As I am reading and study and watching some videos on youtube from counselors...I am discovering things about myself.

They say why we chose people over and over to be in our life who are not good for us....is we have a void or damage from childhood.

Some unmet need in our development as a child. I believe this as related to material I have encountered.

This is going to be detailed. Maybe it will help someone else in this same place.

My dad was an only child and very self centered. My mother a high school beauty queen with ten brothers and sisters.

My dad learned early on he was the center of attention. My mother learned to take care of everyone else.

Their marriage ended in divorce when I was seven. We moved from our nice home to a government project.

In the government project my mother went into depression. My oldest sister had a nervous breakdown in the fourth grade and my grandmother took her

to take her out of our proverty environment.

That left me at age eight doing all the housework, cooking, doing laundry, getting the younger kids to school,etc. Five of us kids.

I learned to put myself last. Put others needs first. Once everyone was cared for and chores done I could look at my own needs.

I am 64 now. It is sad to me I am just learning this now. This last breakup has done me some good I believe. Pushed me into looking for solutions.

I have always been a giver. Make others comfortable. If anyone gives me anything I have to give back. Have to send a thank you card, etc.

Otherwise I feel guilty. Too, I was made fun of at school for not having the right clothes until I learn to mix and match the pieces of clothing I had.

I always washed and pressed my clothes as to look my best to fit in. To be accepted.

To get back to the undeveloped childhood....you need boundaries with people. Everyone family, friends, lover, etc.

If you are always pleasing others you are putting them before you. You are telling them it is okay if you use me as I am not important.

But that is rubbish you learn. I want to loved by a good man, not someone who does not respect me and appreciate me.

As the days go by I will still study and learn about this condition I have. I am feeling better each day.

I know the ex boyfriend will never find anyone who will treat me as well as I treated him.

I wish him the best. I will never contact him. I will have to think long and hard before I let him back into my life if at all.

If there is no one out there for me, I know how to be content with myself.

I do not need heartache and a person unwilling to compromise in a relationship.

I have always been the one to change my plans to help the guy.

Not doing it anymore. Too, I am not an ugly woman. Was a model in my former years.

Anyway, I will keep you posted as I continue to learn about my condition.