Help me face this world. I am sick of it. Help

[jess gurl]

I am sick of life. Since I was 12 I have always stride to find happiness. So I thought happiness is being likable and have a good relationship with others. thereforeeeeee I began my obsession to be accepted by many and likeable. Contribute to this obsession is my dark past. Now I am 19 years old

When I was an infant I wasn't really accepted by my parents as they wanted a boy but I turn out to be a girl. As a kid my cousins and relative even my maid has always classified me as reject. Maybe I was irritating but I only done this for attention because I feel lack of attention. Later when I started going to school I don't have any friend cause my social skills suck. Through my elementary years, I turn into a quiet and pathetic kid because everyone around me always says I have an obnoxious character. When I was 12 my obsession began.

Through my teen life I try to be fun(by being myself)but I lose my friends as they say I am a annoying person. Then I try to be a nice person but I turned out to be boring. I try all ways just to get my goal however failure and rejection is all I ever get in return. Now I am just hurt and lost not knowing what to do. I turn into a person who fear of people as I fear rejection and failure. This make me gain a hatred feeling to this world. Why can't they just accept me. Now even the guy I like doesn't like me but my all ever perfect friend. However I have another guy who like me but I don't like him at all and I don't want to hurt his feelings by playing with his feelings althought it is temping as I want to feel love. To tell you a truth I think that guy who likes me and I can't really get along as there is always an awkwardness in our conversation.

I just hate life. I don't dare to interact with people anymore as I am scare they will find out that I am just a face with a horrible character. Plus I am not an interesting person. Everyday I feel worried of tomorrow as I have to go and face people.I can't stand a life like this anymore. HELP!!!!

[AN]

That story does suck and you know what? It sounds a lot like my life. After two boys my parents wanted a girl and I turned out to be a disappointment. Growing up with a female name that I will not mention I finally go them to legally change my it to Alex, which is unisex, at beginning of highschool with a freshstart when we moved.

 

I won't deny it, I'm antisocial. I can't remember how many times I blew my chances at make new friends. When people would comment on me I would freeze or just smile then walk away. I might go around looking like I know a few people but it's just a mask people see. I have no real friends and frequently depressed.

 

I know that didn't help but just wanted to tell you you're not alone.

[jess gurl]

Recently I have all ever perfect friend. Well she is the same girl who has captured the heart of the guy I like. I so envy her because she is drop dead gorgeous, good girl inside and out, top scorer in academic, Athletic, charming, sweet, and soft. A guy's dream girl. thereforeeeeee all the guys like her and the girls too. She is everything I have ever wanted. I bet the guy who like me will surely like her if he has known her. In fact the entire guy she has known like her. I feel so jealous. I wanted to be like her confident and carefree. With someone like that beside me I just couldn't help it but grow many negative thoughts about her. I even try to be like her. So now I fake myself to be like her and every time a guy flirt with her or a cool girl try to be close to her I feel so down and low. Worse still it always happens like everyday in college. Now my hatred to myself has gone deeper. I don't want to be that way but I couldn't help it. I feel like jeopardizing her relationship with others as I really envy her. I hate myself for this behavior

[AN]

Oh Jess, you shouldn't try to be like someone just because being yourself didn't work. Just change little things about you. I've envy two people in my life and also wanted to be exactly like them. They seem so cool and popular and pimpin around the ladies but guess what? It doesn't work. I did however learn to laugh out loud from the first person, and to be more charming and nice from the second one. My teacher once told me that you can get through 90% of life like that and I think that's very true.

[TraGicGoThJeSsy]

Hey i read this post and felt compelled to write!!!! i feel exactly the way you describe feeling.. and i pretty much wanna say your not the only one out there that is seriously feeling this way.. dont feel to bad people avoid me and i have developed a numbness to every living person out there..i under stand ya is what im saying. I hope that things will eventually turn out for the better for the both of us