It's Over, But He Still Writes, "I'm Looking for a ...

[romantic sweetheart]

You may recall a man I once dated, the one who wrote that he was looking for a good time, even though I thought he liked me for me.

 

Well, it has been awhile, and I have been healing through all of that.

 

Tonight I got an email from him telling me that he had been thinking about what I had wanted in the past. He said he was looking for a casual, fun, and sexual relationship, a girl who was a "lady in the streets but a [Removed by Moderator] in the bedroom" And, he still wanted me to be a part of this complicated world imprivement project he is initiating......

 

Even though I have been getting stronger by the day, this email upset me. Mostly because I feel so stupid for giving him any of my time. I feel so regretful that I let him use me and reject me horribly...

 

How can I get over this regret? It makes me angry that he gets the satisfaction of being so smug and indifferent.....I rarely get angry, but this time I feel anger.....The email started out "Yo whadup? I've been thinking about your words 'n stuff..."

 

And this man thinks he is going to make the world a better place with his new world plan of "kosmic obligation?"

 

I don't know...I usually get sad, but now I feel so angry....Mad at myself, so upset that I would give him my time and my affection....that's the worst of it.....It meeant nothing to him......What a fool I was....

 

It seems like he should get his come uppance somehow...I was so kind to him, even to the end.....It just doesn't seem fair at all.......

 

I just need to know how to let go of my anger...and let him just be cruel...and let it be....

[felicia]

How can I get over this regret? It makes me angry that he gets the satisfaction of being so smug and indifferent.....I rarely get angry, but this time I feel anger.....The email started out "Yo whadup? I've been thinking about your words 'n stuff..."

 

Firstly, don't feel bad. He was the one in the wrong and by the sound of things also the one who missed out.

 

i know it's hard but just ignor him completely, some men can be complete jerks....what does he expect you to do? just keep on sleeping with him without a proper commintment or what?

 

i'm sorry that you had to go through the pain again, iv'e had a simular thing happen to me, i was over it and then out of the blue he came back into my life and opened old wounds

 

 

 

 

felicia

[romantic sweetheart]

Thank you for writing Felicia. I am sorry this sort of thing happened to you, too. But in the end, kindness and love always win out....cruelty begets cruelty. Let those guys just live their shallow lives.......Too bad for them.....

 

Bless you...

[felicia]

Thankyou

 

i guess in the end they are just trying to make themselves feel better or they think your so smitten with them that you will do anything no matter how bad they treat you.

 

i hope it all works out for you.

 

 

 

 

 

felicia

[pandorasbox]

Lol, look dont take this personally, but that guy's my role model, i want to be like him when i'm 30 years old. Especially the words "Yo whadup" etc are awesome.

[Spirits Away]

I can sort of see where that last e-mail is coming from. He's not virtuous to begin with. And he's trying to open himself up to another opportunity to sleep with you again. These guys leave "hooks" everywhere. Their purpose in life is very simple, to "have fun" with lots of girls.

 

I'm sorry that you've met these kind of guys. I'm sure you're still emotionally attached to him. Try to keep yourself busy, with time, it will fade away.

[SparklingKaren]

I know exactly how you feel (at least I think I do). I was in a relationship where I was used, and I kind of kept letting it happen because I was emoitonally attached and was craving intimacy. And when I walked away and cut him out of my life for good..and he knew I was becoming strong and independent enough to break free, he would email me and start bothering me again. I was very open and honest with him, and thought that if he ever cared in the least bit he would just let me be. But he kept pushing.

 

I was an emotional wreck over this for a while...its hard to let go of someone you've been attached to, especially when you gave more than they did. I kicked myself for wasting so much time (almost a year) thinking about him, wanting him, exhausting myself emotionally. I struggled with feelings of anger and hate that I had put so much of myself forth and it meant nothing to him. But I see now that he will NEVER reach the level of emotional fulfillment that one day I will achieve. He is shallow. But I know that I am capable of so much more and because of that I will find someone who is capable of so much more emotional depth than he. I walked away from him knowing that I had learned something about myself. He forced me to do a lot of soul searching.

 

You sound liek a wonderful woman, who is has a lot of love to give and deserves a lot of love as well. It hurts. There were times I literally thought i couldn't go on, but you will. Its okay to be angry, to be hurt. He may not have given as much as you did, but he didn't fully receive what you had to offer either, because in order to fully receive you have to open up and give as well. It isn't fair that he is a jerk. But if you continue to have the kind of faith that you spoke of in your reply to my post, and understand that you will experience a kind of deep love that he never will, it becomes easier.

[prettybird]

Hey, first off, don't acknowledge the e-mail. there should be a setting to block sender. I know he can establish a new address and write again. If this happens, reply and tell him that you've grown in a way that doesn't include him in your life... in ANY way and to please stop writing. Then, recognize in yourself that you are here to walk the earth and learn something along the way. It is your life, you do not have to be perfect. Hopefully you will be kind and forgiving, especially to yourself. Realize that what happened with this guy was a mistake, but it is your life to live and make mistakes. Nobody can judge you, nobody can make you feel bad about it but yourself. Choose not to... If you love and forgive yourself, the anger will go away. I suspect the anger you feel is misdirected anger at yourself anyway. And as for him... hmmm... I think I just forgot that he was ever in your life...