myexboyfriend Posted December 11, 2017 Share Posted December 11, 2017 My boyfriend (ex) is a gentle giant, we're both 24 and he would never hurt a fly. He is known to his friends as loving and friendly. He is one of those really awkward dopey guys but at the same time, he is funny and he is such a man underneath it all. He may be insecure with other things but he is secure in our relationship, he knows he loves me and he knows he treats me more than well. He has gone out his ways to show me how much he loved me, and cherished me. BUT it is me, thats the problem. I am extremely immature, i play with his feelings such as picking fights and making him do things just to prove that he loves me, all that childish emotional games, i played. Fast forward to the bad memories. We have always had fights throughout relationship, again, because of me that start from just being childish to getting serious and then going downhill. We have broken up and gotten back together several times in our rleationship and most times, he would bring me flowers at my doorstep and beg for forgiveness even though they were never his fault. I was so spoiled and i took him for granted. For the past few months, things have taken its toll. again, because of me. He always have the tendencies to leave the house whenever we have an argument and now, i have this urge to force him to not leave. And i will do that forcefully and sometimes i have hurt him by pulling him or getting in his way. Little things like that have developed into me actually being aggressive and hitting him on his shoulder etc. Then comes my boyfriend losing his cool and calling me nasty words, and back and forth. Our relationship had become extremely toxic. The last month or so, we have had fights where we were becoming physical, mostly from me and him defending himself and hurting me in the way. Today, same thing, had a stupid argument over nothing and he wanted to leave. I pushed him to stop him from leaving etc and then he ended up losing it, grabbed me and almost hit me. He then walked over and hit one of our picture frames on the wall and hurt his elbow. His brother who we live together with, heard and witnessed most of the things and he had it all. It really is my fault, and this is the reason why i can't move on. I will forever feel guilty about ruining him and his life. And also because i lost the man of my life. Just last night, we were talking about marriage and starting a family and being obsessed with each other and today, we are done and dusted. He has blocked me from every social media that there is and i have no way of contacting him. I have my clothes at his house and I am getting them on Wednesday. He may or may not be there. I guess, what i want is for him to be happy and for me to move on and learn from my mistakes. And IF, ever, I have the opportunity to be back with him, i will make everything as painless as possible... Link to comment
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