I NEED to get him out of my head

[myah2294]

I met a guy at the beginning of the year. It was amazing. I hardly felt this way in my life. He was charming, made me feel special. We talked all day everyday. We spent a lot of time together, went out to dinner. He even came over to my place to make me dinner. He went on a vacation with his closest buddies but still called and texted me all night and day.

 

I thought this was the real deal. I asked him if he would be honest with me about everything, and that if he ever wanted to stop seeing me, he would tell me. He was shocked and confused by this because he thought it was going well and even said we would see each other so much more so I don't need to worry.

 

2 months go by and one day. It suddenly stopped. He ghosted me. I was devastated.

 

I stalked his social media all the time. I talked about it to my friends. I cried for days

 

One day I ran into him. He apologized and asked me out again. I said yes, he never showed. I was heartbroken.

 

A couple weeks later I was on Facebook. I see a person in my "suggested friends"

 

Its a girl. In her photo is him. They are together. He is even in photos with her family. I stalked her social media daily. All I think is, Is she prettier than me? Is she smarter? is she more outgoing? I just feel so rejected

 

He called me a month later and asked if he could come over. I told him I knew about his girlfriend. He said he is "prone to letting things go too fast."

All i could think was, why couldnt it have happened with me

 

And now its been 8 months. I still think about them every day. It interferes with my daily life. I still check their social medias to see how happy they are. How much he loves her. I think about them together and I get sick to my stomach. I feel pathetic.

 

I was with a man for 3 months and 8 months later Im still not over him?! Sometimes I think its not that I want him. its the rejection that was so hard on me. I am so jealous of that girl.

 

I have deleted all my social media so I can't see their posts. But I can still google their instagrams. I feel like a creep. I try so hard not to. When thoughts of them pop into my head I try taking time outs and wish the thoughts away.

 

I go to a therapist for my depressive disorder. But I still can't bring this up because I am embarrassed. Can anyone offer any insight?

[Hollyj]

Hon, why would you agree to go out with someone who ghosted you? That was so hurtful and disrespectful.

 

You really need to address why you would want someone who has treated you so poorly.

[myah2294]

Thats my problem. I want to stop wanting him.

But all I can think about is how he treated me poorly but he is treating this new girl good. I can't help but feel like its because I am trash.

Its been so long and Im not over it. I want to be over it. I want it to stop bothering me.

[Hollyj]

What does your therapist say?

 

Do you have an active social life?

[myah2294]

Ive never told my therapist about it because I am embarrassed. Its been long and I am like obsessing over this guy ad his new gf.

I have a sorta active social life. I work full time. I go out with friends once a week. I Skype with friends who live in other cities a couple times a week. But sometimes the thoughts of them enter my head even when I am out with friends. And sometimes I am paranoid that I will run into them if I go to parts of town that I know he likes to hang out

 

I know I need to move on. But I feel stuck. I want to get out of this thought process

[Hollyj]

You need to tell your therapist, as you are not moving forward. You only dated this guy a couple of months, and are still obsessing eight months later. Not good.

 

You should try to get out more than once a week. Look into to new interests, try volunteering, or go to Meet ups etc...... Keep yourself busy, as it keeps the mind clear and opens you up to more people and activities.

 

Lastly, you are choosing to be stuck.

[dundermiflin]

Hey,

I'm so sorry Myah. That's happened to a lot of us; it doesn't mean she's better or you're trash. He saw something about her that made him think she was a better fit for him I guess. You may have qualities that would make a different guy choose you over her. The only thing you might be in need of is better self-esteem so you can see that this reflects on him and not you. Listen, you attracted his attention in the first place because you must have some special qualities. Don't let this discount them, that means your self-worth is coming from guys' approval and not from within.

 

He may have been charming and great, but the ghosting like that after 3 months is immature and cowardly. Is that someone you want to spend more of your precious time with? I wonder how he found her; hopefully just by chance and not that he was actively looking for something better. If it's the latter, be glad he is gone.

[Hollyj]

I also think that by not telling your therapist,it is a way that you can continue to hold onto this situation. You are creating your own drama and misery.

 

Make the change. You know that there is no future with a guy who cheats on and ghosts you. Certainly, you want better for yourself.

[johnnydrama1]

Ive never told my therapist about it

Why do you go to therapy?

[myah2294]

Just for depression, mood managing, coping skills etc

[myah2294]

I know I need to I obviously need help to stop perseverating on it. Its just embarrassing to talk about this out loud. I feel creepy and pathetic

[pippy longstocking]

I was with a man for 3 months and 8 months later Im still not over him?! Sometimes I think its not that I want him. its the rejection that was so hard on me. I am so jealous of that girl.

 

I think you have hit your own nail on the head here ....That ^^ is exactly why . You didn't even get out of the honeymoon period and he ghosted you ....I am always banging on about NOT ghosting people on here , there is nothing worse and you are a shining example of the damage it does ..it is just cruel and you are left wondering what the hell happened . Someone did it to me on the day of my mothers funeral ..We were not together as a couple but I thought it was the road to reconciliation ..I never heard another word from him after the mail I got on that terrible day ....it has an awful effect on people .

 

You recognise what you are doing is wrong for you and making yourself feel even worse .... You are jealous of a dream you thought was going to happen ..that is what the despair is ...you met him , he was everything you wanted and in your mind this wonderful life with him evolved and now you think she has that life with this dream man ....and this why you need to tell your therapist , to get you back into reality . You will live your dream and your future with a wonderful man ...this is not , or will ever be that man ...Just tell your therapist and help yourself ...bring it out in the open like you have now ....he is getting on with his life and the longer you hold yourself back the longer it will take to move on and see what the universe has lined up for you .

[Pto29538]

Please do no be embarrassed of how you are feeling . It’s good that you reached out here and now you need to tell your therapist . They will have a better understanding if the thought process that has you here. I’ve been broken up with by text after 10 months and he wouldn’t even speak by phone afterwards to give me any kind of understanding apart from a few lousy texts so I know the immense hurt and pain this can cause . This is part of the reason you are still dwelling on the rejection. He clearly liked you a lot and found you attractive etc as he spent so much time with you so do not belittle yourself into thinking there is something wrong with you . There isn’t . Yes he chose to see this other woman but that does not mean she is anyways better than you . All of us are different people . It is not a competition between you and her and in any case he doesn’t sound like much of a prize !!! A man that ghosts someone after such close time together. If that is the respect he shows someone and his idea of how to communicate imagine what it would be like down the line when you had a real problem in the relationship. You had a lucky escape with this guy . I think it’s your low self esteem that has you idolizing what you could have with him !! If You has higher belief in your self you would be able to focus on the ghosting and thanking that you saw his true colours sooner rather than later ..