What's his problem

[linztime]

I was with my ex for 3.5 years. We broke up over a year ago due to lifestyle differences, I couldn't stop drinking (I'm now sober for 6+months), he wanted to travel as a touring band manager (and has done so for the past year). I felt ignored, in his way and unimportant to him the last part of the relationship. I acted out a lot to get his attention. It sucked. But we were terribly in love.

 

In the months after the break up things varied between us - friendly, to ignoring, to me trying to reach out, to him backing further away, to friendly again to the final blow out where I really dug into him and probably hurt him terribly. I have forgiven myself for this through therapy and lots of meditation. I was doing the best I could. I was completely devastated by this loss.

 

Fast forward - we haven't spoken or seen each other in 8 or 9 months. I moved outside of town to get some solitude and work on myself. As far as I knew, he was not in town and was out of the country.

 

I went to a festival last weekend and saw him. Shocked, I walked the other way. He eventually came up to me to chat and it was awkward and I didn't have much to say. He asked about my life some, but I couldn't muster more than a few words. Afterwards, I went up to him to chat to a mutual friend, found out he was leaving again in a week - gave him a hug and left feeling pretty good overall about the whole interaction.

 

Later, because I was feeling so confident about moving forward with my life, I texted him to see if he wanted to get together to chat, catch up - specified, NO PRESSURE - if you don't want to, don't worry about it. He agreed very nicely and asked me to remind him the day before.

 

The day before - I text him to see if we were still on. I can see he read the message. No reply. 4 hours go by, so I text again asking "Are we still on?"..... he reads the message, NO REPLY. Finally sent one last message saying "Forget about it - I don't like waiting to make plans for the next day. Have a nice tour!" - he read it, no reply.

 

What's the deal? I think he may be ignoring me on purpose to "get even"....he could be petty at times.

 

Generally, hope he's doing well and happy and all. Super jealous he gets to travel all over the world with a rock and roll band, probably getting to hang out with beautiful people in beautiful places.... that's what really drives me nuts.

[SweetGirl28]

I'm sorry, but most likely he replied to be polite, then changed his mind. Or didn't mean it at all.

 

It stinks that you came so far and reached out only to get ignored , but it happens.

Keep pushing forward. Congrats on your sobriety. I hope this doesn't set you back.

[linztime]

I don't understand the "being polite" thing. If you don't want to do something, just say so. He had the opportunity to say, "No, that's ok. I'm really busy." - really ANYTHING. It's not like I expected him to even agree to it.

 

Also, it just goes to show that after a year, he still does not respect me, value me as a person or is unable to communicate what he really needs or wants or feels. So this has obviously not made me very sad, but mad.

[SweetGirl28]

I don't understand the "being polite" thing. If you don't want to do something, just say so. He had the opportunity to say, "No, that's ok. I'm really busy." - really ANYTHING. It's not like I expected him to even agree to it.

 

It's hard to say because I'm not him, so I don't know what's in his mind.

 

Just know that sometimes people don't want to be hurtful, so they take the easy way out.

It's rude to leave you hanging, and it's immature, but some just deal with things in that way.

The confusion now is so unfair to you, however you now know if you ever see him again, do what

you did originally, which was to turn and walk away. He may have wanted to, then changed his mind,

and thought it would be better to ignore it than to lead you on. I'm really sorry

[linztime]

Thank you so much for your compassion. I'm working on that myself.

[SweetGirl28]

Thank you so much for your compassion. I'm working on that myself.

 

You're welcome Hang in there, you're doing great

[CandyKins]

He had to ask to you to remind him, which means you are of no importance with him but not in a bad way, however there was an opportunity to either rise yourself above this or get him to want you & a possibility of renuiting if that is what you want. I agree it was wrong and immature of him to ignore you in texts message but you made the situation worse by continuously texting. If you haven't seen someone for a long while, you must attract their mind and instead saying "are we still on?" you say "Reminding you (.............) If not, no worries, have a great trip! " Do you see how that makes you sound like a confident person, someone in control. He liked you because you were in control by saying "no pressure".

 

You can amend the situation message apologising for your forward behaviour and you felt you were too harsh. "Hey, I'm sorry for being too forward and I think I was a bit harsh." He may not respond but at least you put yourself in the light.