Is Getting Back Together After a Nasty Break and Moving Away Possible?

[freefromburden]

Hey all! I was looking for advice on my current situation. My (ex)boyfriend and I have had a really messy break up and in the heat of an argument he told me to move back home with my family. And I did. Our breakup started three weeks ago with a break, but I didn't take it very well and had a nervous breakdown because of it and how cruelly he was treating me. I was originally supposed to move out of our apartment but ended up leaving town when we got into a huge explosive fight. The whole thing started because he was pulling away all summer because of his new job promotion, so I suspected he wasbetraying me behind my back. Then I found he had and couldn't let it go and kept arguing about it. Then he started deleting texts from a new coworker of his, claiming it was nothing besides not wanting his phone to be cluttered. Then he said he'd stop talking to her, but hadn't. So I thought he was cheating, even though he kept assuring me he wasn't. He admitted he ed up majorly and he was sorry and he cried a few times, especially when I left. Through the end of it he was cold and kind of mean but yet seemed sorry about everything. He said that my key and my dog would b e there when I got back. He cried when he said it'd only be a temporary move. We got into a fight because I broke the no contact rule not even a day after I left but have been good about it since. But now I see that I can't see his friends on Facebook, he took the life even of our one year anniversary and hid his age on his Facebook but he hasn't unfriended me. Is he just being spiteful because of all of the fighting or is it over? Can we fix things even though I've moved? Is it possible to recover a relationship after a nervous breakdown?

[glitterfingers]

Technically, it's possible, but you're not going to be happier with him. All that would do is temporarily numb the pain. For fighting and a breakup to cause this much pain to you that you can't cope without the thought of bandaging things up, it's clear that the relationship is not going to benefit you and you would only be walking back into more misery/toxicity. In your current state, you completely lack the tools to turn this situation around and your motivation appears to be simply avoiding dealing with the aftermath. This just means that you're choosing one unhealthy behaviour after another, rather than getting to the source of the issue. So it would be very unadvisable for you to try and go back into this relationship right now. You certainly would need some time apart to reflect on what's happened before you make any moves to try to reconcile this relationship.

 

If it helps you to think that things can be fixed, then move forward with that idea, but don't actively go back to fix things at this point in time because I guarantee you it will only get worse. That's what tends to happen in toxic relationships until something breaks the cycle. So, let the cycle break, walk away from this and do some fixing on your own before you try and go back. That will give you a clearer perspective of whether it's worthwhile - rather than just seeking a bandaid, which is what you're doing