Where did I go wrong?

[AGhost44]

Hi.. I've dated this girl for 2 years. She lives in New Jersey, and I'm in New York. Seeing eachother isn't a problem I have had very easy access to see her via the New Jersey transit. I've met her parents numerous times and I have been to their house for dinner a lot. However.. her parents don't like me for some reason. I've met the rest of her family and friends and they absolutely love me. They all say that they have seen how happy I made her and how I changed her in a good way. Her parents on the other hand mainly her dad, has nothing good to think about me or even say. Her parents always take her phone and they go through our messages. Her parents also have said to her that I don't try to talk to them and they don't know anything about me. Which isn't true .. I have spoken to them the first time I met and told them about myself, as well as another occasion in which I had a one on one conversation with her mom. Now I am someone that has social anxiety and I am very introverted. Stuff like that makes me very anxious and it is something that I have expressed to them. My girlfriend has helped me cope with my social anxiety and I do a bit better in social situations. However her parents have continued to say that I don't "Make the effort to talk to them".. Well 7 months ago she messages me about us "needing a break." Our relationship hasn't ever been problematic but it's just the situation with her parents not liking me for what ever reason. She doesn't have a good relationship with her parents either. She didn't explain anything to me anyways.. but she started to stop talking to me and she would message other people. She just ignores my messages.

I blame myself every day...

[rosephase]

How old are you both?

[AGhost44]

We are both now 18. She recently turned 18.

[rosephase]

We are both now 18. She recently turned 18.

 

You didn't "go wrong".

 

And it isn't necessarily about her parents. It sounds like she was done with the relationship. A relationship doesn't need to have a ton of conflict to end. Sometimes they just end when one person realizes they don't want that relationship.

 

I would try to get away from finding some way to blame yourself. You didn't do anything that caused the break up. It just happened.

[Jillstrand23]

Basically family can influence a someone great deal. I always take into consideration what my parents say. Have you tried talking to her parents ?

[Flipper15]

It's most likely get family/ parents influencing her.

I had this with my ex of four years. His mum and sister mainly broke it. I got along with them all at first but his sister was jealous of our relationship. Very jealous and tried to plant seeds in my head and his. But then his mum just turned on us. However I stood up for myself as my ex wouldn't.

They hurt me so much I distanced myself from them. Which hurt my ex.

We all tried to sort it a number of times but they wouldn't work with me. Always left me out of stuff I still believe was on purpose. Only when we ended did his mum or sister day we asked where she was etc. I always had to make the effort with them. One time I was so upset I had a stutter for a week. My ex did nothing to stop it as his family mean everything and his eyes they could do no wrong.

It eventually split us even the day we split he went to speak to his sister as he was upset and she told him to get rid of me. Yet everytimes her fella and her have a row my ex always sorted it for them.

I thought we ended because of one line I said in grief as I was going through a lot. Turns out from his friend it was to do with his family as he wants a perfect picture of his gf and family getting along.....yet he never made any effort to sort that either.

Now he's totally turned on me, he's not seen me, not even closure and he's always with them so no doubt it's them feeding him.

Just be careful don't be manipulated like I was many a time about it. Times in the past we had little rows over his family he'd go running and move back with them until I spoke to them. This time I didn't and even though I'm gutted like my sister said I'd have to live with that all my life.

If her family are too heavily involved every decision through life about you two, they will always get involved in.

Hope you find some peace x

[AGhost44]

Thank you

[AGhost44]

Yes I have mentioned this.

[Jillstrand23]

Try reasoning with her and say that you like her but her parents have to be on board with the whole thing. Otherwise I don't see how it could work.