can't erase what I did

[trina_luv6]

hello, I was wondering if anyone could give me advice on how to heal something I demolished. I was dating with this guy for about three years. Everything was great, I have seriously never been any happier. Lately, with a bunch of stress following insecurities I have been nothing but a HUGE horrible attack dog that demolishes everything around me. My boyfriend broke up with me and is moving out of the house at the end of the school semester. I didn't realize how childish I have been acting over the last couple of months until he told me that he was moving out. Also it wasn't just to him that i acted unpleasant with but I did it to our friends. So I have not only lost a really great compassionate guy but also friends who were good solid people. I apoligized to him and he said he still cares about me and you never know by the end of the semester he might stay. I have also apoligize to the friends (on a voicemail), but I also want them to know i'm sincere and not doing it just so i can get back with my ex. Any advice on my situation, would greatly appreciated.

[DN]

I think a letter to your ex might help. Sometimes it is easier to put your feelings in writing than express them properly verbally.

 

You need to not only apologise to your ex but explain what happened to make you like that and what you intend to do to ensure it doesn't happen again. Just to say "I won't do that again" sometimes isn't enough because he has no assurance that if those stresses and insecurities are still there, or may arise again, that you won't react the same way. It may be that you need to seek counselling, anger management courses or something of that nature. In any event you should able to show him that you know what was at the root of your problems and are actively trying to resolve them.

 

If you can demonstrate a determination to deal with your issues so that he won't be hurt again; then he may be more willing to give the relationship a second chance. Especially if you ask for his help in dealing with them.

[NetMech]

The fact that you recognize the problems you have/had and how they affected those around you is a big step towards healing. By nature we all want to be happy and nothing grants happieness better than resolve. Your boyfriend and friends are sure to know that you are a great person for having humiliaty and being humbled to their feelings is a great way of showing that.

 

I agree that some from of correspondence that is physical; a letter, card, or even flowers with a note is a sure way to show you care. Men do like flowers and it is never about the flower, it is about the message that the flowers convey. If in fact you want to rekindle the friendship and love you once had, let them know. Doing so is both a release for you and an invitation for them. But be sure to communicate openly and truthfully, it is sometimes painful but we are at our best when stripped of all the crap that keeps our heart from truley being happy and clarity sets in.