What has helped me.

[bwhite00]

I've been a member here for a long time, and I have extensive (Failed) relationship experience.

 

Through it all, I've come here to vent and gain invaluable insight, so here are my methodologies for healing my wounded heart and (at times) psyche.

 

The best way to get obsessive thoughts out of the way is to accept them for what they are: unhealthy products of an over-active imagination.

 

We have a tendency to ruminate over all the things we've (seemingly) lost, and focus solely on the GOOD aspects of our previous relationships while our EX's focus solely on the bad. What's worse, in attempting to reconcile with what cannot possibly be reconciled with, we come across as our worst selves. The only solution is... don't even try.

 

For people are perverse, and want what they cannot have; knowing someone is readily available at every whim makes that personally wholly unattractive; as does needy behavior, and most of all, whining/complaining/lashing out.

 

My problem has always been to LASH OUT when rejected and ignored, especially by someone whom you thought would always be there, and I have damaged many previous relationships beyond any shadow of a doubt as a result of this tendency. I find peace only when I shut up, and if I need to talk, I come here.

 

Talk. To friends. They may get tired of listening, but true friends will be patient.

 

Exercise. Even lightly. It lifts moods and helps you feel better about yourself; and if you're looking good, odds are you'll find someone.

 

Be patient. Love takes awhile to find, don't jump into the first open arms. Rebounds never work out and they're not fair to anyone.

 

Eat well... and healthy. Sleep well as well.

 

Don't drink or do drugs.

 

Pray.

 

Read.

 

Creative outlets: music, writing, art...

 

Deal with any underlying psychological issues; myself, I have depression and am most likely Bipolar II exacerbated by on-again/off-again drug use/abuse. A year ago a friend recommended Lamotrigine (mood stabilizer for Bipolar II), it literally saved my life; I've been depression-free for a year+.

 

I've had a couple of brutal break-ups where I saw no light at the end of the tunnel, I hit my knees with tears many times.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Brett

[firelily]

Thanks!

 

In theory, everyone knows these things. But it's so hard to stick to positive habits. I just bought comfort junk food today again...

[bwhite00]

LOL nothing wrong with that, everyone is free to post what helps them. I've been heart-broken for 3 years once, and the last time over a year.

 

I find peace in solitude these days, as Casanova said, "I have loved even to the point of madness, but I have always valued my independence more."

 

and "Contempt is a dish best served cold." , "Despise what you cannot have."

 

Not that you should be cruel. Just silently apathetic. This is the key.

 

Giving people a dose of their own medicine, in this case silence, is the only solution; everything else plays into their hands... and given the amount of pain breaking this brings, I fully advocate it.

 

*It does get better*

 

Dealing with my underlying depression, always triggered by heart-break, literally saved my life. But I do not advocate SSRI's at all; they made things worse. Paxil, Prozac, and Wellbutrin were all horrible on me... Lamotrigine saved my life and I am in a much better place the past year because of it. I am not a walking advertisement, do your research; anyone with depression knows, we are human guinea pigs psychiatrically... but this med actually works.

[Schratz]

I am at such a loss on how to deal with it. He left for another woman after 17 years. Break up was 4 months ago. I have tried everything and just cannot deal with all the pain. At a loss. Am not capable of dealing with life right now. Any advice?