Her stepbro is moving in and I feel I have good reason to be worried about it

[victorc]

Hi, I’m new here. Not really looking for advice, I’m just trying to understand this situation and would like some input. I’m really confused right now.

So the background is that my gf and I have been together for over 3 years now. We’re planning to marry but are waiting until we finish school to set a date. We both live with her mom and her stepdad to save money while we’re in school. Her mom trusts us because she knows we’re both committed christians and are waiting until marriage to have sex (we also have separate rooms, of course).

 

Recently her mom told us that her sb was going to be moving in with us. At first I had no problem with this at all, and wasn’t worried in the least. First, I trust my gf. She shares my values and has never given me a reason to be suspicious. I’ve always felt I could trust her because she’s never flirted with other guys and I was even her first serious bf. She’s never even made out with another guy, and she’s never even talked about any other guys. So I’ve always felt secure with her because of this. And secondly, I saw some pics of this guy, and he just isn’t her type at all. He’s a long haired metalhead punk type, even smokes, which is the exact opposite of what my gf goes for. She’s always liked the clean cut look, in fact I used to have long hair myself but she made me cut it short, so I felt pretty confident that I wouldn’t have anything to worry about, even tho his room is going to be downstairs, right next to hers.

 

So in light of all this, I’m sure you can imagine my surprise when I started hearing her talk in very sexually explicit terms about this guy with her friends. They will talk about how ‘hot’ he is, and they even discuss his specific body parts in great detail. As an example, she was talking once about how she had seen him mowing the lawn at his dad’s house without his shirt on, and she said ‘I was like uuuunnnnggghhh’ and then made this weird face like she was having trouble controlling herself. She had NEVER talked about a guy like that before. Ever. It honestly shocks me, but even more shocking to me is her response when I complain about it. She’ll just laugh and act like I’m making a big deal about nothing. She will say things like ‘it’s just talk’ or ‘you know I would never cheat on you’ or ‘omg, you’re so jealous’, and basically try to turn it around like I’m the problem. But imo I think it’s inappropriate to talk about someone else like that when you’re in a relationship, and I have never, and would never, do that. And especially not if it was a girl who was going to have a room right next to mine in a private area downstairs.

 

On top of all this, she has admitted to me that she’s attracted to him. Now, I know that’s normal, heck, I’m attracted to other girls myself, but it seems odd to me to openly admit that to your SO. She’s asked me about girls I’m attracted to, but I’ve always just said ‘no, I’m not’, just so she wouldn’t worry. But when I asked her, she’s like ‘of course, all the girls are. He’s hot’, and then she started naming a bunch of hot girls we both know and asking me am I not attracted to them. Well, of course I am, but I wouldn’t talk about it in front of her. Nor are any of them going to be living with me. I told her she was giving me reason to worry.

 

The icing on the cake tho, imho, is what she keeps saying to me to try and make me NOT worry, which to me is really f*ed up and just makes me worry more. Whenever I express my concerns, she keeps telling me I have nothing to worry about because he ‘has a gf’ or ‘he’s in a relationship’. As if otherwise, yes, I should be worried. And she even admitted this yesterday when I pressed her on it. I said to her, ‘so, you would hit on him if he was not in a relationship?’ She just shrugged her shoulders. I told her I thought she would. She said she didn’t think she would but then she gave me this helpless look and said ‘but it would be soooo hard’. I sarcastically told her thanks for putting me at ease and she gave me her usual response, ‘well, it doesn’t matter because he’s in a relationship, so there’s really nothing to worry about.

 

I’ve about had enough of all this stress and worry and am seriously considering ending it, but I could hardly imagine being with anyone else and I do live here. I figured I’d try and get some input before deciding how to proceed. Am I wrong here? And if not, why is she suddenly acting like this? It’s so out of character for her I’m wondering if she’s testing me somehow. That’s what one of her friends told me she thinks she might be doing. Testing me to see if I really like her and will fight for her. But imho it doesn’t seem like that, and at what point is her little game going to end?

 

What do you think I should do? He will be moving in in about a week, and I’d really like to get some kind of resolution before that happens. Obviously, if this is still going on then I don’t think I could handle it.

[kamurj]

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