Long post- My situation, and I really need help.

[Dimka]

Hey everyone, strap in for a long post. But Ill keep it as concise as possible.

 

Back in May I met a boy over instgram, I liked one of his photos of an airplane *I'm a pilot* and we started talking. We became aquatinted with eachother and slowly started telling eachother about ourselves. Turned out he was in Oregon *400 miles away from me* but was coming down to San Francisco *where I live* for a chior competition. So we continue to text and form a 'love interest as he called it' until the day came and we met in San Francisco. I'll save the details of the whole story, but I brought him a bunch of his favorite type of flower, a bag full of his favorite candy, and a card welcoming him to California. I was the only person to give him anything after the chior competition, it was the first time anyone brought him anything after a performance, and everyone *incliuding the teachers* were FLOORED because I came out of no where and was being soooo sweet to him and everyone. I was told at the hotel all they did was talk about me and where on earth I came from.

I spent the rest of the weekend with the class and went to great America, a ball game, and San Francisco when we parted ways and he had to go home. That was when we officially because a couple. *gay couple. I'm 18 and hes going to be 18 in a few months*

 

The time after we continued to form our relationship, we did hit a few pot holes, but over all it was getting sooo much better.

 

In July I flew my friends plane solo from San Francisco to Salem oregon and stayed with him for 10 days. And we went on sooo many adventures. And I was being soooo affectionate towards him and he loved it and told me how special i was and how different I was from all of his ex's. I paid for a parking ticket he got, took him out for dates a lot, we had a ton of really good memories *in my mind*. And the last night his mom invited me to come back up and go camping with them over Labor Day weekend *or Memorial Day, which ever one is in early september*. And when I left I gave him a promise ring and hid a note in his room about how much I loved him and how happy he made me. he took it with heart.

 

//Thing about him- he has had manyyy ex's. And hes known to get bored with one ex, then dump them. But he did have a LDR with someone for 1 year. He's naturally not very affectionate. But he said I was different. Multiple times he told me how lucky he was to have me and how we are one of the only relationships his parents have respected *since they know how active he is* and how he loves that we are working on a plan for me to move up in the new year. Just he continually told me how good and healthy we were which made me fell soooo happy and content.//

 

So after I flew the plane up we were back to texting as out main way communication, and I definitely felt a cloud come over our relationship, I over think a lot, have trust issues, and worry a lot so I did start picking at him about the same issues, and he always called me out over it- but at the same time i was still being very afffectionate to him. And we entered this dark stage where I kept getting him made at me and I had no idea what to do, and when I asked him if we were okay he'd get mad again- i had no idea what he was thinking or feeling, but he still occasionally reassured me about everything we had planned.

 

So the third trip to him, camping, the days before we were doing REALLY well. We were sweet talking and being toallllyyyy phsyked that I was coming up. And when I did he managed to get *i forgot what its called but the back of his throat hurt a lot and looked messed up, but he caught it in the early stages and took soooo many meds* so we couldn't kiss or be close the first two days. But something still seemed a litttle off, he wasnt being as affectionate to me as before. But i shrugged it off as him naturally not being exrelmly affectionate like I am. And so this trip we didn't do a lot, we just hung out at his house being bored mostly. We did hang with his friends a few times and that was cool, but he still seemed distanct and not affectionate. During the car ride to the camp site, he told me that it was hard for him to see me as a boyfriend, and easier and more natural as a normal friend. This killed my heart but he didn't break it up, so the reminder of the camping he wasn't affectionate at all, we got to sleep with eachother for the first time and he hogged the blankets and did hold me or anything. And the last night of the trip i was sooo sad the the trip didn't go as planned. I had an attitiude as he put it and we almost had a fight while I was packing and he didn't do much to help. And when he dropeed me off at the airport of course I was at the verge of tears because I didn't want to leave his side, but he kind of kissed me good bye *i dont think it was on purpose but it didn't feel like a good goodbye* and i had to catch my plane.

 

A day after that trip we text and talk about how that trip didn't go well and we could of done better. And 3 days after that trip he texted me saying that we have to talk and it was serious. But then he told me never mind and forget it. But the next day he texted me and said we had to talk again and in no way am I going to like it. And sure enough I assumed that he meant and started the barrage of *no no non ono please no i love you*. That night he called me and said that in no way did i do anything wrong. He admires me as a person and still want me to a part of his life and he still wanted to be a part of my life but he was not in love with me anymore. He said he wished it didn't have to be that way and he didn't know what to do, but he didn't love me anymore.

 

And the 2 weeks after that I was such a mess. I cried all night and lost sooo much sleep. My mother was so concerned for my mental state. Just words cannot describe how low of a state I was in. I texted his friends and all they said was sorry but he made his decision and there was nothing I could do but just forget and move on- and thats all I can comment on that before I start crying on my keyboard or start swearing.

 

Here I am 1 month and 1 week later. I keep going in circles and cracking and texting his friends if he misses me, or if anyone up there Misses me or have I just been forgotten of. And they just turn me away and tell him and he gets mad at me. Now when i do crack and text him *like today he got his wisdom teeth pulled I wished him good luck* his responses are very disconnected and distant and my friend tell me hes looking down on me and talking to me with so much pity.

 

There is nothing in the world I want more than to be by his side aagain. The things we planned for the future, how good he made me feel considering how different of a person I am emotionally, yah he wasnt very affectionate, but ive never been so happy. I'm taking only 2 college classes so I could work more to have money to see him. One of those classes is ASL because he knows it and he signs to his friends across large stages- its pretty cool. The memories I have with him, the family ive made up there *his family loves me so much, and for the first time i expirenenced what it is like to have a dad. And i had friends that are actually just like me* and the love I've gotten- ive never been so happy in my life. I dont know what happened, I kind of feel betrayed, lied to, and taken advantage of. But still theres nothing I want more but to have him again. And I'm willing to do whatever it takes for him to be happy to see a text from me. Not right now where Ive never seem him Be so careless about me.

 

Thank you if you did make it to down here. I am willing to answer any questions, give more details on certain events. If you want to see actual texts ask me and we can Kik. So many people have told me to just forget him and move on, but I cant. We had too many good memories, too many awesome things planned that were going to happen, and the break up seems soooo fishy and is sooo confusing.

 

Thanks again,

Dmitri.

 

*ps. I know I talked about all the bad things that happened a lot and not so much about all the good things, that was to keep this post not a million pages long. We actually had a really strong, loving relationship with many cool things that we both wanted to happen and were working on making happen. And im okay with talking about those good things more so you all know how invested he was because this post kind of makes him look shallow and this was just a fascination*