no contact - does it really heal? help

[twelve]

hi all.

I see a lot of posts on here telling people that time heals and you will move on if you do NC and try to.

Well its been over a year since a breakup with the best relationship ive ever had - we both thought of each other as soulmates.

anyway, we came back together about 7 months ago but fell out again, and now i see how i contributed to it

It was not only my fault though, but ANYWAY!

The thing is, I have seen 5 people since, a few whom i got close to, but it has never been the same and i have left each person, and now dont go there because i dont want to use anyone or be with someone for the sake of it.

NC helped me at the start, about a year ago, but my heart is still broken and i am missing this person dreadfully, and in my soul i feel we shouldnt be apart.

Can anyone relate? Or offer advice?

It's been a long time and Ive tried so hard to move on and have maintained NC strictly.

[kt]

Hi twelve,

 

Well the saying that time heals is usually pretty solid advice. Now you gave it a go twice with this guy. The saying third time's a charm could apply here but I'm not so sure it would have the outcome your looking for.

 

You said you have dated 5 people since but you have probably not really gotten over the first in order to try to make the next one work. What you need to do now, for the moment any way, is forget about men all together. Take time for yourself. Do things that make you happy, hobbies, girls night out, that sort of thing. Get back in touch with you and remind youself of what an awesome person you are and how much you have to offer the world.

 

When you have done this, mr what's his name won't even matter any more because your gonna be so busy with the new and improved you. (by improved i mean with out him) And then one day, smack, it will happen, you will bump into mr.right, and mr.whats his name will look like such a small dot on your road map. So get going girl, you have a new road to travel!

[providentielle]

Two factors make nc more difficult in your situation. First, you have previously got back together after breaking up which makes you feel like it could happen again. Second, you feel that it was your fault that you broke up last time and think that if you had done something differently then you would still be together. The thing is, you have given your relationship two chances now and something obviously does not work if it has failed both times. Also, it is not your fault! Things happen in relationships and sometimes people just do not work together, neither of you can change who you are. It is hard to accept and I think you need to deal with your feelings about having caused the break up the second time before you try to move on. Good luck

[twelve]

t is hard to accept and I think you need to deal with your feelings about having caused the break up the second time before you try to move o

 

thank you for your advice, i think you are right here.

I said some pretty nasty things and handled my emotions BADLY but i did it as a reaction to being played with emotionally.

I thought, being the dumper, *told them where to go lol*, I would have to be the initiator of anything again, and id love more than anything to get back together.

But you are right, I need to deal with these guilty feelings, thank you

How do you mean I would go about that, any tips?

I thought an apology...but that is a HUGE risk.

PS: i didnt cause the break up, i contributed to it though with my mouth

[twelve]

Hi K@t.

 

you have probably not really gotten over the first in order to try to make the next one work.

 

oh too true, thats what i think too

but ive been having time to myself not going into anything new for some time, but i feel hopeless now like its no point.

I have many friends, am working hard toward a degree in a field I love....but i feel this longing that wont go away and i was told when we rekindled that i was the only one ever too...before the fight.

*ramble*

LOL

 

thanks for your advice its really nice getting it