Need some advice soon I'm gonna call him

[stateofshock]

Its 3 days after finding out (possibly) about my boyfriend's partner of 3years, from having my call answered unexpectedly by her.

 

I have decided to call him to find out the truth, I have already decided it's better he is out of my life, but actually feel no anger, so though my friends advise me to verbally abuse him for betraying me, I do not know what to say?

 

I do not know if I want to know the truth, but it will finalise things..apparently? Any advice on how to approach the situation...I was quite ok with trying to forget everything until suddenly I got the urge to do something.

 

Please a quick response?

[Cecelius]

If you really are done with him, then I'd just walk away, no drama, no calls, no nothing.

 

If you do talk to him, be very calm and just let him know you think he's not worth dating.

[tiger_lilies]

I remember your post from yesterday. I say, call him if you need closure. But it's pretty obvious that you have been the other woman this whole time.

 

I have a friend who had something similar happen to her. This guy, a cop of all people, was stringing her along for a while. One day she got a call from some lady who said that she is going through her boyfriend's cell while he was in the shower. She asked who my friend was and why her phone number is on her boyfriend's cell phone. She said that she is checking his numbers because she wanted to make sure that he wasn't cheating on her again.

 

Bottom line is that he has not been honest with you and has since been avoiding your calls. I would think that you would be furious about this, but since you're not, it worries me that you would take him back if he gave you a believable excuse for his behaviour. Please dont' fall for his lines. Better not to get yourself further involved with a liar. Take care.

[DN]

I can't see any advantage in calling him. If you abuse him he can just hang up leaving you even more frustrated. If he says anything conciliatory how can you believe him? If he abuses you you will feel worse.

 

Best thing is to forget him as soon as you can and find somebody worthwhile.

[stateofshock]

I think I will save myself the trouble of hearing anymore stories, somehow, at heart I do believe the girl, and think I will not pursue the truth.

 

I thinkI will call him or leave a voicemail with something along the lines of this..

 

"You mean nothing now, you're a liar and a cheat I don't care what you say, cos you don't deserve my time."

[DN]

I think I will save myself the trouble of hearing anymore stories, somehow, at heart I do believe the girl, and think I will not pursue the truth.

 

I thinkI will call him or leave a voicemail with something along the lines of this..

 

"You mean nothing now, you're a liar and a cheat I don't care what you say, cos you don't deserve my time."

 

If it will help you then do it - but be do realise that by calling him you are in fact saying that he does mean something. The only way to show him that he really means nothing is to do --- nothing.

[CarrieB123]

I agree with DN, don't even give him the satisfaction of a call or message. As the song goes "You say it best when you say nothing at all" I know it's a love song and the other lyrics don't fit your situation, but its true allot can be "said" with absolutely no words!

[annie24]

I agree with Suprema - it's more important to say those words to yourself and truly believe them than it is for him to hear it. He's history - in the past - so the fastest way to get him in your past is not to call him, even if it is to berate him.

 

Sometimes your girlfriends want you to call up a man and berate him, because it "makes up for" all the dumb things their exes did. Actually, I had some gfs yell at this one guy of mine after he did a bad thing. I couldn't stop them. It was my place to yell, not their (but, I'm not even a yeller). Anyways, I think that my gfs were just angry at the men in their lives and decided to take it out on mine.

 

Basically, don't let other people make you think that it's necessary to have that one last call to yell. It sounds like you already know he's a liar, so why waste any more time. Like the other said, I think you're silence will be the loudest response.

 

Good luck girl.

[Hope75]

Oh man, State...

 

I am sorry that your guy dogged you like this. It was a really lousy thing to do, and you better believe if he isn't calling you it's because it is true, and he's probably getting an earful from his gf, and that is your best revenge. Hopefully, she will give him the boot and he will end up alone, which is what he deserves, neither of you.

 

Any guy who does this to a women (or visa versa) is not worth the time of day, I agree with DN and others that if you call and leave a nasty message it might make YOU feel better, but it will only show him that he did hurt you more than you are admitting here.

 

Just let it go and try to forget this guy, you are really better off, you don't need a cheater and a liar in your life, life is complicated enough.

[Hope75]

Hey Suprema,

 

I did not mean to offend. I am simply saying that it just seems better to let it go and not waste the energy, since he obviously doesn't care that much about either women's feelings or he wouldn't have cheated.

 

She is going to do what she feels she needs to do, and there is no wrong answer. I just think it is better to say those things to herself and know that they are true and in that way she can validate her feelings and make herself feel better if she needs to, but I don't feel she needs to waste the dime to leave him a message he already knows is true, that he is a cheating jerk.

 

Hope

[Wimpy]

I agree with those on here that say "don't do it".

 

If you still want to do it in a week's time say, then do it...otherwise your best reply is SILENCE - in this situation it will speak volumes.

 

But if you do do it I wouldn't expect a response and sometimes I think I do things in the hope I'll get a response and then feel worse when I don't - if that makes sense.....what I mean is the temporary satisfaction of doing it wears off and I'm left going "why didn't he respond" or whatever.

 

In the end do what's best for YOU.

[stateofshock]

Well I had a go at calling from a friend's phone..he answered, I put the phone down- shock again, I was telling myself his phone must have been taken away by "the girlfriend". So he does have something to hide...or in this case..blatantly disregard.

 

..later I called..after rehearsing many times...oh what stupidity...

he didn't hear me with the speed at which I said it all!

 

...now my phone has had a day, must be from me turning it on and off. I think that is definitely closure! (must erase his number from mind)

 

I think I will stay away from phoning and messaging people for a while.

Either direct contact, or none at all.

 

..I'm laughing at least.

 

 

Thankyou all for the advice, this website has the effect of a comfort blanket.

[DN]

I am glad you can laugh - he must be thinking "what the ....!!"

 

But I bet he understood that you are not his leading cheerleader right now.