Trying to move on from ex gf

[Rjw716]

Hello!

 

Ok im going to keep this absolutely as condensed as possible. I had a post yesterday but some new questions have arose regarding my situation and i would greatly appreciate any advice in this time of need, thank you.

 

Im 16 and my girlfriend of roughly 10 months broke up with me about a month ago. She said she had been losing feelings and also felt too controlled in our relationship (me being a little controlling is something we always had in our relationship i saw it more as being protective but we were very open about it and it never seemed to be a major problem before). She is about a year and 2 months younger than me so i think some of this may just be credited to emotional immaturity. Anyway it has been a month and things have been very tough for me. Im suffering great anxiety, hurt, depression, sadness and all the agony that comes from being dumped. She really wanted to be friends after the break up and i said ok but at this point im not really sure what we are. We have had some friendly and pretty brief convos over text or social media here and there but thats it.

 

So here are the most pressing questions that i am facing today:

 

Firstly, should i remover or block her from all social media? There are times when i am feeling ok but then i see a post of hers on snapchat or instagram, etc and it brings me down horribly. It makes me wonder how she is doing so fine and just brings back all kinds of memories and emotions. However if i do block her, i fear i may drive myself crazy wondering what she is up to and if there are any guys trying to get at her etc., i also fear it could damage any chance of us trying to re kindle the relationship in the future. But then again, it may also help me in the process of moving on. So thats my first question.

 

Second, should i tell her how i feel? I have been going back and forth on this one for a while and im not sure what to do. I would like to tell her that im willing to change things about how i was acting and that id really like to give our relationship another shot. If she doesnt want to, then at least i can maybe pick her brain a bit and try to get some understanding and clarity on the situation and what happened, because often times lately i drive myself crazy thinking the same answer-less questions over and over again. I know its probably unhealthy for me to be contacting her, but i feel that maybe this could help me. Im not sure.

 

Finally, it has been a month and im not sure i can say i have made any significant progress in moving on. I do believe i have made some marginal progressions, but thats about it. School starts in a little less than a month and im afraid that if i am not in a much better place emotionally by then, things could be really rough. I know that these things take time and that its a long process, but should i be concerned to have only made seemingly marginal progressions after a month?

 

I am looking to answers for all these questions and any advice would be hugely appreciated. If you want more details regarding the break up or relationship so you can formulate better advice, i would be more than happy to share. Thank you, your friend.

[Hollyj]

Save yourself a lot of misery and go NC with her. You cannot be friends with someone when there are feelings. If she does not understand, then she is being selfish.

 

Tell her that you need to go NC - send her a text. Next, block and delete her from everything. If she wants to rekindle things, I would assume that she knows where you live and could connect with you.

 

It has not been long. Time is a healer. What helped me was keeping very busy with friends, hobbies, volunteering, Meetups - due to your age I don;t know what is available, but you know where I am going with this. Keep busy!

 

I think that you need to be a lot more clear with us about the control problem? What were you doing?

[Hollyj]

If she stated that she has no more feelings, then I would say she is over the relationship. I would focus on moving on.

[Rjw716]

Save yourself a lot of misery and go NC with her. You cannot be friends with someone when there are feelings. If she does not understand, then she is being selfish.

 

Tell her that you need to go NC - send her a text. Next, block and delete her from everything. If she wants to rekindle things, I would assume that she knows where you live and could connect with you.

 

It has not been long. Time is a healer. What helped me was keeping very busy with friends, hobbies, volunteering, Meetups - due to your age I don;t know what is available, but you know where I am going with this. Keep busy!

 

I think that you need to be a lot more clear with us about the control problem? What were you doing?

 

Thank you for the advice. As for the controlling thing, it was just little stuff i guess. For example there were a couple people that she was loosely aquatinted with that i really did not like and they were bad news and i asked her to stop contacting them. It wasnt like she was super close with any of them and at the time she didnt seem to bothered by it and agreed with my judgement of their character. It was just things like that and i always tried to go about it respectfully. I wouldnt tell her what to do i would just tell her if there was something bothering me and ask her to change it. She did the same kind of stuff with me. I saw it as being protective but i guess she felt controlled. She's a very free spirited and impulsive person so i guess thats not a huge shock.

[Hollyj]

I do not think that you have the right to ask her to stop seeing anyone. This is controlling. You can voice your opinion if they have done something illegal or against her, but you can never tell a partner to stop seeing someone. You were acting as a parent, and that is unacceptable. You were not being protective.

 

If someone pulled that on me, I would be done.

[Rjw716]

Save yourself a lot of misery and go NC with her. You cannot be friends with someone when there are feelings. If she does not understand, then she is being selfish.

 

Tell her that you need to go NC - send her a text. Next, block and delete her from everything. If she wants to rekindle things, I would assume that she knows where you live and could connect with you.

 

It has not been long. Time is a healer. What helped me was keeping very busy with friends, hobbies, volunteering, Meetups - due to your age I don;t know what is available, but you know where I am going with this. Keep busy!

 

I think that you need to be a lot more clear with us about the control problem? What were you doing?

 

Thank you for the advice. As for the controlling thing, it was just little stuff i guess. For example there were a couple people that she was loosely aquatinted with that i really did not like and they were bad news and i asked her to stop contacting them. It wasnt like she was super close with any of them and at the time she didnt seem to bothered by it and agreed with my judgement of their character. It was just things like that and i always tried to go about it respectfully. I wouldnt tell her what to do i would just tell her if there was something bothering me and ask her to change it. She did the same kind of stuff with me. I saw it as being protective but i guess she felt controlled. She's a very free spirited and impulsive person so i guess thats not a huge shock.

[Hollyj]

You posted a duplicate response.