Friends after breakup

[Lostandheart]

Hi everyone

 

I have a group of 5 close female friends (met at work) I went through a really bad breakup last year, it ended suddenly after being together for 9 years (never married or engaged)We had some ups and downs as couples do but I genuinely thought this was it and we were together long term. Although some days I feel slightly better about things than others, generally I am still heartbroken and struggle to deal with my feelings. Anyway, 3 of my friends are encouraging me to meet other men but I am just not ready yet, well not to actively go on dating websites etc but they just don't seem to understand as they have not been in any long term relationships and have said to me on numerous occasions that I have had love and it's worse for them because they haven't, worse than my relationship ending after 9 years, all the hopes and plans just gone but still they say no it's not as painful as never having had a bf (they are in their 30's) It just makes me feel like I can't talk to them as they just don't understand how it feel. It's making me feel so upset and making me not want to spend time with them, i feel so disheartened about love now anyway without listening to all of the negativity that they will never find someone. It's almost like I'm being made to feel like I should be grateful I had my chance and shouldn't be upset because I had what they want. I just wanted some advice, thanks for reading x

[ThatwasThen]

I think they're just trying to make you see that "Its better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all."

 

What are you doing to help yourself get over him and to the stage of feeling less angst about him?

[Lostandheart]

It's hard to explain when I am writing down, but it isn't coming from a place of trying to give me advice moving forward it's like one friend in particular will complain constantly about never having met anyone and right from the start has been of the mindset that there are worse things than trying to get over 'some man' and tells me that her situation is much worse as she has never met anyone and worries that she won't but that's exactly how I feel as well but it's scary to put yourself out there to be hurt again. I have come so far from last year but the negativity and dismissiveness of how I feel is so hard. thanks for replying xx

[ThatwasThen]

Have you been venting to them about this breakup since last year? If you have, maybe they're just tired of hearing about it and are trying everything they can to get you off topic and onto getting to the stage of indifference to this guy? Surely you're not wanting to lose your friends when you're at your most vulnerable and in need of good ones. Don't let a difference in sensibilities cause the loss of your support system is my thinking.

[Lostandheart]

Thanks for replying

[Brodey]

It's hard to fathom even dating someone else when you've invested so much in someone and a relationship only to have it end. It's devastating and can take awhile to move forward, or even get to learn who you are again without that person. 9 years is a long time. So good for you for doing so.

 

Sounds like your friends do care for you. And have their own struggles. what seems less painful for her is not your reality and I can see where it's hard to hear that from a friend. We all have different views on what events in life are easier than others. Perhaps letting her know that you can see where she feels the way she does about her situation but also ask her to understand yours. Friendships are about empathizing and learning from one another and once she has an experience like yours, she may understand more of where you're coming from. Do you have other friends that may understand you more? Perhaps she is a friend who you don't talk about it much with, because you know she's not in the mindset to really feel where you're coming from. Nothing wrong with having a variety of friends and some meet some needs while others meet the others. I hope things have improved for your situation