Meeting with a guy I was in love with after 4 years

[Lovelavie]

So about 4 years ago I met a guy right after I ended a 3 year relationship. My ex was still trying to get back together with me but I no longer had interest in him and had decided there was no chance of us getting back together since my feelings for him had died after so many screw ups on his part. So I met this guy and we went out and we hooked up and after a few weeks I realized I was in love with him, I had no idea why but he got into my head like no one had ever done. In fact, the kind of chemistry I felt towards him I have never felt with anyone in my life, not even with the only ex boyfriend I have ever loved I had this feeling. It was intense and unexplainable.

 

We were on and off for 9 months. He would show up out of the blue, ask me out and then disappear, and this would happen for the whole entire 9 months, I got hurt by this because all I wanted was to be with him and I couldn't understand what was going on. Sometimes he would disappear for 2 months and then appear again and I could never say no to him. I then told him, after 9 months that I wanted no contact with him anymore, that this relationship was hurting and confusing me. He agreed and stepped back, I was hurt because I saw right then and there that he didn't care about me. I had the opportunity to be with other guys but all I wanted was him.

 

Right after that though, I met another guy that I started liking and he liked me back and we got into a relationship and then this guy was going after me, when he realized he had actually "lost" me, we didn't talk for the next 3 years, 2 of them I was in a relationship and I thought it wasn't right to keep in touch and also I had lost interest after having tried to be with him for 9 months. The other year I was single but we never saw or talked to each other again.

 

So this weekend, I finally broke up with the guy I was with .He again broke up with me because of nothing and I decided to leave for good. He then regretted it and is still going after but I lost interest. We were at an event in my condo (the other guy also lives in my condo) and we broke up and I was with a couple that were my friends. We then went to a bar, and my ex had left (or so I thought), and the guy was there. My ex kept calling I told him to leave me alone and he asked me where I was and I said the bar and told him not to come after me. 5 minutes later he was there asking me to talk, it was creepy and unnecessary. The other guy was there, we said hi to each other. After 2 hours of my ex insisting to talk to me, he left, he was really nervous but after all that chaos I couldn't feel anything towards him.

 

The other guy then set next to me on the table and started talking. He said we had "unresolved" issues from the past. He told me he knew I had gotten off a relationship right before I met him and he said he was afraid of getting involved because he thought I would get back with my ex. He apologized for hurting me and said he should've been a man and never let me go because I was amazing. Needless to say, everything I felt for him came back the second he sat next to me. It was insane. We both went home after about an hour and started talking on the phone. I told him he should've talked to me back then if he was insecure because all I wanted back than was to be with him. We then started talking about random things and teasing each other and I got butterflies in my stomach, something I haven't felt ever since my ex from a year ago broke up with me. I couldn't stop thinking about him.

 

He said: we're in the same situation again. Me breaking up with an ex and him showing up in my life. On the conversation he told me he wanted to go out with me sometime and that we should get to know each other better and that he wants to give us another chance. But I also know he's probably not gonna ask me out now since he knows I just got out of a relationship (even though it was short and I knew it wouldn't last).

 

I feel like asking him out in a few days, I remember he was really slow and didn't really realize the signs, I feel like I should ask him out and explain that I have nothing with any ex and that I'm finally "available" after all these years.

 

I can't stop thinking about him and how much I want him, it's like all these feelings from 4 years ago came back when I thought I felt nothing towards him.