Bf broke up with me, I'm confused. Please help

[Exhaust3d]

Quick background/ boyfriend of 1 year (living together)was ready to leave 3 weeks ago after a petty fight and I begged him to stay (my bad, lesson learned) for the following 2 weeks I was on eggshells and I could tell I was on his nerves and i will chalk that ip to my desperate needy behavior... I feel he lost respect for me. So I finally got tired of the eggshells at one point last weekend and stuck up for myself. He had been drinking and we were driving home from a friends house, he picked a stupid fight with me and then got angry when I stood up for myself, he asked my to pull the car over, he asked twice the second time loudly... I pulled the car over, he got out, I drove home and never looked back. I called his friend to go and pick him up. I was not going to chase him down and beg him to get into the car... no more begging.

By the time they got to my house he was irrate. Packed most of his things and left. I started no contact immediately because frankly when someone holds your relationship over your head it gets old. However this time I knew things were different and I believed he wouldn't contact me. This was last Saturday. I was distraught, and beyond upset... (I know we all k ow what heart break feels like) however Tuesday he sends me this text message saying " I don't know where to start, I was hesitant to send this because I wasn't sure it would reach you and I'm sure I'm the last person you care to hear from, I just wanted to ask if you could get me a price for the door so I can leave money to fix it"

Okay so I thought that was going in a different direction but whatever. I kept it short and said no problem I'll get the price....

He says oh...okay.

So a few text messages where exchanged back and forth and I kept it very light and we had positive communication however I'm not a crutch to help him get over me and I could see where this was going so I wanted to just leave it on a positive note and keep it moving. I made the mistake of texting him the next day after leaving a therapy session because I got some mucj needed insight and clarity. He was very receptive to the messages but I just feel I was maybe giving away too much and borderline sounding like ..if he wanted me he could have me back (not the case 100 percent because I have a lot of confusing things going on however I was dumped and I understand, naturally I am in a state of panic) let me back track briefly. He asked me earlier in the week if he could pick his stuff up while I was out of town over this weekend and I told him I'd already made arraingments with friends to drop his things off with them. His response was "oh...okay" however I started to work a second job at night to make up for the lost income of him leaving... and was never able to get his things to his friends but after the last conversation I'd decided to go no contact. He'd reach out if he wanted his stuff and he did on Thursday, asked if i was ever able to get his stuff to his friend I replied "no sorry, I've started bartending nights and haven't found the time to drop it off, all of your things are in my bedroom you may pick them up this weekend while I'm away" his reply once again was "oh...okay" again I went no contact and plan on keeping it that way.( I know my worth and while this pain cuts deep and I haven't eaten more than half a sandwhich in 8 days and I may be dying from this loss, I also logically understand that I am more than enough and time heals all)

I just got home and his stuff is still here?!?!? Why???? Why wouldn't he get his things?

I am completely baffled by this. I know be left in a moment of complete anger but leading up to the out burst I could I had lost value because I begged him... and for the life of me, I don't know why I did it and I'm really beating myself up over it. Can anyone explain to me why he wouldn't have gotten his things? I'd love a man's perspective!

(And please save the "why do you want a guy like that in your life speech"- I'm stubborn and learn lessons the hard way like an idiot)

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this!!! Please answer before I do something stupid lile text him!!!

[lonestarsky]

My guess would be he's either ashamed, lazy or he's trying to keep a hold over you, but only he could really answer that, as I'm sure you know.

 

I learn these sort of lessons the hard way too so I won't lecture you 😜 But I would say go back to your original plan of trying to get a friend to get his stuff, so that you can draw a line under him once and for all.

 

Stick with the no contact - I feel your pain with it all, I'm on day 2 of no contact and have hardly eaten in a week either, it's so hard but it's the best way to get through it. Keep venting on here if you need to. I also understand the need for answers - I'm desperate to get some from my ex but sometimes it's just not worth the heartache.

[Exhaust3d]

My guess would be he's either ashamed, lazy or he's trying to keep a hold over you, but only he could really answer that, as I'm sure you know.

 

I learn these sort of lessons the hard way too so I won't lecture you 😜 But I would say go back to your original plan of trying to get a friend to get his stuff, so that you can draw a line under him once and for all.

 

Stick with the no contact - I feel your pain with it all, I'm on day 2 of no contact and have hardly eaten in a week either, it's so hard but it's the best way to get through it. Keep venting on here if you need to. I also understand the need for answers - I'm desperate to get some from my ex but sometimes it's just not worth the heartache.

 

Thank you so much for replying I feel completely alone right now. I don't feel like talking to friends who aren't going through this because they always say "ohh you're better off" I'm not, I do not feel better off so having someone going through this to talk to makes it easier. I'm fighting the urge right now to text him.

Part of me really thinks he is just looking for a reason to keep a hold on me, which is good news, at least there is hope. He went out of his way twice to ask for his things so I can't imagine any reason for him not to pick them up.

When I offered to drop his stuff off it was before I had gotten it all together and it's just way too much stuff for me to deal with right now, I don't have the energy at all to pack it all and haul it down stairs, I just can't.

Plus I got to thinking and from a manipulative stand point. I think he should have to walk back into our home and be reminded of what he walked away from.

There's no real chance of us ever running in to each other unless I went out of my way to do so and I won't do that! So this might be the only visual he gets. He isn't on social media or anything...

I also find it odd that he reached out to me previously to tell me He loved me and missed me and that he still had hope for us but at the same time talked about us ... for example he would say something like "I just hope you don't have to go through a bunch of bad relationships and break ups like I did to realize it" as if to imply it would be far into the future. So it's as if he is giving me some hope and then pulling it away, that's why I went NC. If I keep talking to him he won't really miss me. So he text me last and that's when he said "oh...okay" (in reply to me saying he needed to pick his stuff up.) He went cold after that, there's been no reaching out from him and it's killing me! So imagine my confusion when I come home and he has left his stuff here. I don't understand any of this.

At this point... all the what ifs and anxiety and running their toll on me. Men are such a confusing species to me. When I love someone I'm not confused about my feelings. I've never broken up with someone out of anger. I've never done any of these things to anyone that he is doing so I can not relate to it!

Anyways thank you for the insight I kept writing until the urge to text him passed. Now I'll go and reread a million articles to remind me of why no contact works!