41 and 16

[SparklingBlueIs]

This was just a lie, to see what people would say for a story I had to write for my Literature class. Thank you for your participation.

[DN]

I think you are naive and he is sick and needs help. Sorry to be so blunt but this is wildly inappropriate. He is taking advantage of you as a teacher and as an adult.

[Caldus]

I think you are naive and he is sick and needs help. Sorry to be so blunt but this is wildly inappropriate. He is taking advantage of you as a teacher and as an adult.

 

Yeah, I have to agree. Especially if he's already married and has children.

[melrich]

I'm sure I know what all the replies are going to be and unfortunately I am pretty sure none of them will make any difference to you. Some age gaps are acceptable, this one is not. Some circumstances are acceptable, this is not.

 

Why don't you tell your parents about your burgeoning relationship and see what sort of advice you get from them.

[SparklingBlueIs]

This was another lie.

[melrich]

It sounds from your post that he is developing more than a student teacher relationship with you and in that way he is taking advantage of you.

 

I fear nothing anyone can say in this forum will help you look at this situation in a different way. I think it would be good if you could maybe find a mature confidant to talk this issue through face to face with.

[loveless n confused]

hey girl, i know exactly what you are going through for i just went through a relationship of the exact same age gap... i thought i was the only one out there. mine i met at me workplace who was actually a friend of my dads we played a game of pool i asked what we were playing for like another game whoever looses pays for the next one or a drink. he said we'll play for another game. so we played about 4 games in which 2 i payed for and 2 he paid for. he said well how about we play for a kiss on the cheak for this one so i agreed finding nothing wrong with that and things kind of just took off from there. he would stop by my job and give me rides home and he'd play guitar while i sang with him... it was all cool and all but it's just too stressful of a situation. i finally broke things off with him and it hurt for a long while. i was sure i was in love with him and was sure that i could never love another. i still do think i was in love with him but i know someone else will come along. it still hurts to think about him and all of our good times we had. all im saying is good luck be careful and trust me if things dont work out, it is probably for the best. i know from expirience and for those of you out there that are just putting down all this stuff give the girl a break these things arent planned they happen with out pun and we all learn from our mistakes.

[SparklingBlueIs]

Yes, I'm a liar.

[hecka_bekah]

I have a cousin who has always been attracted to older, and yes, even married men. I think a lot of it had to do with her relationship, or lack of one, with her father.

 

Maybe you think are in love with him because he has been a father figure in your life that you've never had, but desire to have.

 

What I'm trying to say that this isn't healthy, but I wouldn't be angry at myself if I were you. You are young and naive, something you and I share, but are looking in the wrong place to fill a void of feeling unaccepted and unloved. He should be the one responsible for allowing your feelings to develop this far since he claims to love you even though he has a family! He is definitely old enough to know how much this can harm the both of you, but is giving in to his selfish desires.

 

He asked nothing of you? Does he expect you to stay around? Even if he asked nothing of you he shouldn't tell you he loves you, which will make you more willing to stay around even though he won't leave his family.

[DN]

Because he is 41 and you are 17.

Because he is cheating on his wife, emotionally if not physically.

Because his actions will get him fired if the authorities find out and his family would suffer.

Because if you were truly comfortable about this relationship you would not be asking us what we think.

[kskm]

It is good that he's effected your life in a positive manner. Girls at your age need someone that they can look up to, a mentor if you will. But that is all that is should be. You are not old enough for this kind of relationship and you definitally can get him into major trouble in school. You don't want someone that you care so much for to get into trouble do you? I would stop seeing him at least until you are out of high school.

[SparklingBlueIs]

It was very entertaining tho.

[apollocreed71]

Just look at the situation. For one if you love him, he can go to jail because you are a minor. Him in jail and you a free young woman, no relationship there. Having some law enforcement background, basically he would be considered a child molester in jail, and guess what. Well, lets just say he will get a chance to be the girl. Secondly, can you really trust a guy that would leave his wife and child. Think about it, what happens when you get a little older, and maybe have his child. Maybe he will replace you with a younger model. I'm sure if you had a positive male role model, you would feel different, and your dad would be ready to kick some ass. since he is still married, evidently he has some feelings for his child and wife. Leave it at a role model.

 

This is not an acceptable relationship. Never date a married man, if he did not want to be married he would get a divorce. It is simple to do the divorce paperwork, so I would at least wait until the divorce was final.

 

Also, how do you think his wife would feel. You never know, she may be psycho. If she attacks you for dating her husband, just know its your fault, you know the situation. Its just too risky to all involved. Save yourself the trouble.

[DN]

so I should just stop? How does some just stop such a complex relationship? what should I tell him?

 

Tell him that you want to stop because you don't want him to get into trouble. That you think you should be developing friendships with people closer to your own age range and that it is difficult to do so when you have this relationship with him.

[apollocreed71]

YOu are 41 and I am 16, you could go to jail. You know what they do to child molesters in there.

YOu are married and have a child with her, I will not do that to another woman and an innocent child.

If you are serious about me, see me in 2 years with a completed divorce.

[SparklingBlueIs]

What then? Who do I goto to cope? Do you realize how much this will hurt me? I have no one else. and I'm not just saying this..All the boys my age I don't trust. My relationships don't last for over a month because I push them away. My dads a drug addict. My mom has started a new life. My brothers are grown up and moved on..I've talked to therapists, I've seen psychologist ...I write poetry, I've been published. and I just get to this point where I say " What now?" and thats what brought me here.

[Hope75]

Talk to a counselor at your school.

 

You are not going to find fulfillment in a relationship with a man who is, whether you like it or not, abusing his position of power over you (his age and teaching position). He is sick, and you are being foolish.

 

I don't understand how you can think that what is going on between you two is healthy and normal, he is more than twice your age, could be your father given his age, he could lose his job and be thrown in jail for seeing you, and on top of all that he is married with a child.

 

Hmmm... yeah, he is loaded with morals, sounds like a guy I'd definitely like to spend time with.

 

He says he is going to "wait for you" to have sex until you are 18? What about the fact that he is married? Does that not strike you as lousy and creepy? Are you even willing to ruin a marriage and family over this? Because if you continue to see him that is what you are doing.

 

Get away from him ASAP. Tell him all the reasons DN told you for why you are leaving. Talk to a counselor at school, the feedback you are getting from your guardian is messed up, this is NOT OK.

 

You have the power to respect yourself enough to walk away from this knowing that it is wrong and that you shouldn't have any part of it.

[kskm]

I knew that this was going to come out of you. The reason that you are attracted to older men, someone that is 25 years older than you, is because you don't have a male figure in your life. This isn't the answer, and however you will probably always be attracted to "alpha males" all of your life don't let this happen. He is married and has a child. This is not right. Although it hurts you must end it now. It will hurt more when he ends it with you because his wife found out or the board of directors fires him and you never see him again. Keep it simple and to the point saying that you will give him a chance when you are 18 and he is single. That's the best I can do. And if you are seeing a therapist, they will tell you what I said. Because you don't have a male figure in your life you are looking for one, that's why the age difference.

[Caldus]

All the boys my age I don't trust.

 

What makes you trust this guy then? He's married, has children, and now he claims he loves you. Keyword being claim. How do you know that he doesn't just want to get into your pants like those other guys you were with wanted to do?

[SparklingBlueIs]

Hmmmmmmmmm....

[kskm]

So have you decided to do anything about it yet?

[SparklingBlueIs]

La--de--da

[kskm]

You don't need to "depend" on someone. Yes it is great to have a support system, but if you need someone to talk to you, you can email or pm me. I will help you through tough times, don't lean on someone that has potential to hurt you.

[SparklingBlueIs]

................................................

[kskm]

Good thinking!! I am glad that this was your decision! Feel free to contact me anytime that you need to.