Feeling very hurt

[bluestreetcar]

Hi there.

 

I never wrote ever on internet but anywayz, I've been dating a sperated man, who's about 20 years older than me for about 4 months. We are very connected and in love. I never felt a special connection with someone before, physically, intellectully and spiritually. But because of his marriage status and past dating pattern, I can't find myself fully trust him. I'm in late 20s.

 

So yesterday, I secretly found out from his e-mails that he's been posting on-line to seek bisexual intercourse and have trans watch or join too. I feel very hurt because for one reason, he never told me his bi-sexual, and the other reason, that he's being dishonest with me. We have made plans to get married and have a family together. But this reality struck me right on my head.

 

I don't think I can ever trust him again, but I can't stop loving him and I'm so confused why he is what he is. I don't know how to put myself together. It hurts me so much. I don't know what to believe in anymore because I thought I had found true love.

[passions1]

You will need to approach him in some form that doesn't sound confrontational in figuring out his sexual orientation by discussing about his opinions on homosexuality & how he would handle certain situations as well. I understand that you feel like you are in love with him, but how can you love someone you don't trust? Or the fact that he hasn't opened up to you about this as well. It's more selfish for a person to hold back info thinking that if they reveal it, it will hurt them. When in essense the person who receives the info should be the one who can make their own decisions of how they wish to respond to the info given to them. Sometimes people can be too pessimistic.

[annie24]

well, the way to start off a marriage is definitely not with distrust. I think you should talk things over with him. See what he is really looking for. Could be he separated from his wife, in part, to explore his bisexuality. Jumping into a marriage with you won't really solve things, you know. You're going to have the same problems with him that his current wife is having with him.

 

Have a talk. I know you love him, but if he wants to go off and fool around behind your back, I think you're better off cutting your losses and finding a man who's better for you.

 

good luck

[RandomAdvisor]

I think deep down in your heart you already know what you have to do but it's painful: you have to leave him.

 

You can't trust him. The fact that he's married and having an affair with you proves he can't be trusted. If he does leave his current wife for you (which may or may not happen. He could keep telling you he's planning on leaving his wife but never actually do it. To string you along... ), do you really think he'll be faithful to you? If so, why? What would make you think he wont cheat on you the way he's cheating on his wife now?

 

The fact he hasn't told you about his sexuality just shows your relationship isn't at the level of intimacy and trust that's necessary for him to feel comfortable to do so. If you're not at that level of intimacy yet for him to be completely honest with you about himself, then you shouldn't even be considering marrying this man.