Has anyone been cheated on by their wife?

[scaredsilly]

If so, were you able to get past the betrayal successfully? I am having a hard time with this because I feel that we got married for a reason and she of all people should not have betrayed me....

[annie24]

Hey - sorry to hear about this!!! Well, I've never been cheated on by a wife so I can't fully help you out. However, I know that a book has come out recently on female infidelity. I'm trying to find the title of that book, but I can't find it... I'll let you know if I come accross it. It was featured on MSNBC.

 

Here is an article that you may find useful...

 

link removed

 

Good luck - I hope that you two can work things out!!!

[Dissed]

Sadly i found out that my wife had cheated on me in July 2004 & I am finding the betrayal very hard to get past.

I have 2 kids & have been with my wife for 15 years but only been married for 4 years.

It was her that wanted to get married so badly & it took her just over 3 years until she started having an affair.

I sometimes feel if I was stronger I would leave her.

I do love her still & know she is so sorry for what she has done, but I don't

think I'll ever be able to look & think of her in the same way again.

The most amazing thing is everytime I think about it I just can't believe she done it, I know she did but I just can't believe it.

Its not been a year yet since I found out but I was pretty much on the ball when it first started (end of Jan 2004) trouble is you think it is just you going mad.

I hope you get past this but sadly there is no quick fix it is down to each person as an individual to how they deal with it.

 

I can only wish you the best of luck

[Marine69]

I have had the same problem. My wife, love of my life and most trusted friend screwed around on me more than once. She then, after finding Jesus again, could not live with it and confessed to me. Of course after telling several others first. Not only did I feel horrible and betrayed but also like a jerk. She even introduced me to some of the guys she was giving oral sex to. TOTAL ho for sure. We have three kids so it was more complicated than you might think. Well, I ultimately could not forgive her and my trust in her is not even close to what it should be even 10 years later but the pain is gone and the only way I could relieve myself of this horrible feeling was to enjoy some of the same things she did to me. I did EVERYTHING she did to me right back at her. To include introducing her to the girl I was having sex with on a regular basis. It did help me a lot. I am more just disappointed that the woman I loved with all of my heart and soul would do this to me and to the degree she did also. I still love her, not nearly the way I once did though, I don't trust her as far as I can throw her but I have come to the conclusion that if she is going to do it again I can't stop it anyway. If she does, she is gone. No more of that in this relationship again. I won't either for that matter. The bottom line is though it took a LONG time to get over that. It also took a lot of soul searching on my part. While I don't think giving her a taste of her own medicine was the perfect thing to do, it sure was the right thing to do in this case. She minimized her sin by saying a bunch of different stupid things like, I thought we were going to split up, oral sex isn't cheating (hints of Bill Clinton huh?), I never loved him and so on. the more she tried to make it sound less serious the more horrific it was to me.

 

She knows what I did and it devastated her. I did take some pleasure in that, but she also knows I really don't give a crap about her like I once did. The sex is good, she is pretty, but I can get that from anyone. I read, got help from professionals, friends, family nothing made the pain get better. My retort DID help and ultimately my decision to let it go and just simply not care about her the way I once did. I once thought she was a lady, no more. I really have little respect for her. Now the sex is good because I make sure she does ALL of the things she once said she did not want to do. That or I will go get it elsewhere. While this made our relationship and marriage bad, it is stable now and I get the kind of sex I could only have gotten in the past from a cheap street walker. So, I survived with some benefit. She is very cheap in the bedroom now but it is fun. I have also taken video and pictures of her. I have fun occasionally posting some of her, without her knowledge, on the net. My pain relief has come in the form of revenge I guess. But, I never asked for this and to this day cannot believe she would have done this to me after even begging her to work things out with us. Now SHE is the one that wants the marriage to be better and unfortunately I could care less. But hey, good sex and fun most of the time makes it bearable and when I think of her having sex with one of those other men I just pull up some pictures I have of her doing things her mother would have a heart attack over and just smile.

[someguy69]

Wow... that's quite the story... and certainly doesn't sound like the most healthy resolution... but indeed interesting.

 

Revenge feels good initially by relieving anger and "evening the score", but unless you can forgive each other, things will never be resolved.

 

Maybe you just need a loving alternative relationship free from monogamy, but also free from lies. Have an open relationship for a while and see if the rest of the relationship is worth keeping.

 

BTW... what sort of acts (if I may ask) does she not perform that she wouldn't in the past?

[dedee]

Have you asked your wife if she felt she married you for a reason? Did the cheating happen in a time in your marriage where communication was not where it should have been?

Perhaps she finds her cheating just as inexcusable as you do but at the time based on how she felt in your marriage she acted out.

Granted cheating is never acceptable but have you evaluated on whether or not your actions or lack of contributed to her infedelity?

Maybe she felt betrayed by your actions or how you made her feel?????

There is always two sides to every story and two ways to look at things, sometimes ignorance causes one to make a mistake that they would not with knowledge.

 

I am having a hard time with this because I feel that we got married for a reason and she of all people should not have betrayed me....

[Autun]

I found out a week ago about my wife cheating on me no less than a month ago...Found a strange e-mail account with 76 e-mails between her and the other guy...Devastated is the best I can describe it and it's not getting better...We have been married for 16 years and dated 5 years before that...She swears that it is the first and only time but who really knows...The story is so bizarre that I can't even begin to undertand why it has all happened...

I wish you the best of luck...It would seem that hell has found some of us...

[whatwentwrong]

yes, it has been very hard, been 7 months since i found out, try reading the book After the Affair , its on link removed, it was very helpful.