She forgot our third date! :(

[Muttley]

I've had two dates with this lady I met online. We met at a local restaurant in our first meeting. We had a great time, good conversation (for 4 hours) and she exhibited positive body language.

 

After a few days, I asked her out for dinner and she agreed. Again, we had a good time. I drove her home and "temporarily" parked in front of her apartment building because I wanted to walk her to her door. She said I shouldn't bother because the elevator is just a few steps away but I insisted. As we were near the elevator, she told me I could come up next time and then she quickly leaned her cheek to me and I kissed her (more likely just brushed my face with her cheek because it caught me off guard).

 

I then had to go out on a business trip for a week. The day after I came back, I asked her to join me for lunch on the weekend. She said she had a class that day but she'll text me in case she can make it. Well, today is this day and she sent me an SMS saying she was sorry that she totally forgot about it because she had class the whole day (normally, it's just a half-day) and she's been very busy all week. Though she did mention that we could reschedule and she apologized again. So I asked her when she's free the following week. She replied that she will send me an SMS when she's available.

 

I'm trying to analyze what this could mean,

1) She really forgot about it?

2) She's just trying to test how I'll react (playing games / hard to get)?

3) She's starting to lose interest in me?

 

Furthermore, I don't want to rely on her SMS (i.e. she'll be the one to setup the date) so I plan on asking her out again for dinner after a day. Do you think this is a wise move or should I just wait for her message?

[DN]

Wait for the message - if you don't get one assume she has lost interest.

[clodhopper]

Wait for her message. You're already doubting how interested she is, so wait it out to see if she makes the next move.

[Muttley]

Okay, I'll be patient and will do that. To the women here, how would you interpret her forgetting our date? Is this already a subtle sign for a red flag? Man, I'm somewhat gutted by this because I really liked her.

 

Below is our actual SMS conversation,

 

Her Hello! I'm so sorry I forgot to text you. It's only now that I remembered our lunch... because I have class for the whole day. Enjoy your lunch!

 

Me It's alright. How about tomorrow then?

 

Her But isn't tomorrow your "family day" (i.e. having lunch with my folks and siblings)? I also have to attend a Christening. Is it okay if we reschedule? Sorry again, it's just the wrong timing.

 

Me You're right, I forgot about that for a second. Anyway, let's just reschedule it next week. So, when are you free?

 

Her Okay, I'll just text you when. Thanks! I've been just really busy lately. Reserve me the stories from your trip.

 

Me Okay, keep in touch. Thanks and have a nice weekend!

 

Her You too. Take care always.

[clodhopper]

From what I've read, it sounds like she was really busy with class all day and the christening and everything... that conversation seemed to go well, she seemed to be sorry and wanted to see you again. Just wait to see if she messages you. I wouldn't say it's a "red flag" necessarily, she's just busy

[rnorth]

My take is you seem a bit too eager. She knows your interest but you don't know hers. Let her contact you and then hold it back a bit when you talk to her. Let her suggest the next meeting as well.

[Muttley]

My take is you seem a bit too eager. She knows your interest but you don't know hers. Let her contact you and then hold it back a bit when you talk to her. Let her suggest the next meeting as well.

When did I come accross as a bit too eager? How long should I wait for her to contact me?

[rnorth]

When did I come accross as a bit too eager?

In almost every response to her messages, you brought up the subject about getting together and nailing down a time to meet. I just think it would help you to let her bring it up, let the idea be hers. At the moment, you are showing more interest than she is. She knows where you stand more so than you know where she stands.

 

How long should I wait for her to contact me?

This is tricky because there is always the chance that she doesn't contact you again if she isn't interested. I would say that if you haven't heard from her for about three days, you could just drop her a message asking how her paper, school work, etc are coming along. If she replies, that is good. If she replies and brings up getting together, that is better.

 

If it were me, I would wait. If she never gets back to you, you know. You may want to continue to keep your options open.

 

A golden rule to dating, never NEVER seem too eager or especially desparate.

[Muttley]

You're right, I should've let her brought up the rescheduling. However, she did apologize, had a valid reason and agreed to meet me again so I guess it worked out well in the end. *fingers crossed*

 

Our lunch date was supposed to be last Saturday. I'll now wait up to Thursday for her to reply. If I receive none, I'll send her an SMS that night as per your suggestion (i.e. you could just drop her a message asking how her paper, school work, etc are coming along. If she replies, that is good. If she replies and brings up getting together, that is better).

 

Thanks for the advice.

[Shidoshi]

I think you shouldn't contact her at all. Why should you? To "remind" her of you? Dude, DO NOT CONTACT HER AT ALL. Is it not obvious that you've done more than enough. If she is trully interested in you, she doesn't need you to call her, SHE WILL CONTACT YOU because she wants to. You definitely came off as desperate with the constant offers, especially since she made no counter offers.

Me: It's alright. How about tomorrow then?

 

Her: But isn't tomorrow your "family day" (i.e. having lunch with my folks and siblings)? I also have to attend a Christening. Is it okay if we reschedule? Sorry again, it's just the wrong timing.

 

Me: You're right, I forgot about that for a second. Anyway, let's just reschedule it next week. So, when are you free?

This is an example of desperate.......hell......SHE remembered you were supposed to be doing something else.

[Muttley]

I think you shouldn't contact her at all. Why should you? To "remind" her of you? Dude, DO NOT CONTACT HER AT ALL. Is it not obvious that you've done more than enough. If she is trully interested in you, she doesn't need you to call her, SHE WILL CONTACT YOU because she wants to. You definitely came off as desperate with the constant offers, especially since she made no counter offers.

Me: It's alright. How about tomorrow then?

 

Her: But isn't tomorrow your "family day" (i.e. having lunch with my folks and siblings)? I also have to attend a Christening. Is it okay if we reschedule? Sorry again, it's just the wrong timing.

 

Me: You're right, I forgot about that for a second. Anyway, let's just reschedule it next week. So, when are you free?

This is an example of desperate.......hell......SHE remembered you were supposed to be doing something else.

 

I see you're point and agree with your logic about not contacting her at all. However, 4 days have now passed since we last communicated and she hasn't contacted me yet. Should I start to raise the white flag or give it one last hurrah? By this, I mean just sending her a casual SMS greeting asking how she is and letting her make the next move?

 

Man, I just couldn't understand how things quickly turned from great to worse. *sigh*

[rnorth]

Muttley,

 

I would take things as they are and move on. Maybe she'll still contact you but don't contact her. You have shown her all the interest she needs to know you are there, she hasn't exactly reciprocated.

 

I know its hard. Another situation just didn't work out for me but at least in my case she told me that it wasn't right. And we had done a lot more than brush lips against the cheek...

 

I think what you need to do is date more. Get into the flow of dating, don't take things seriously when they don't work out (most times they don't! Its just that one time it will!). Don't get too emotionally involved too soon.

 

I would not contact her. Maybe it will peak her curiosity more and make her contact you, but I would start seriously looking elsewhere.

 

Sorry for the disappointment, I really am. I know how it feels but when one door closes (if that is the case here), another one opens, right?

[Shidoshi]

Should I start to raise the white flag or give it one last hurrah? By this, I mean just sending her a casual SMS greeting asking how she is and letting her make the next move?

This is tempting because you want her, but understand this.......IT ISN'T GOING TO HELP ANYTHING. You need to "let her make the next move" right now. Look at it this way, you like her and want to see/hear from her right? Look at your actions, if she felt the same way what do you think she would be doing? Trust me, do not contact her, the ball is in her court.

[mjctraider]

Maybe you should look at the situation like it is a game of chess. You moved your piece, now its her turn to move her piece.

[Muttley]

Guys, I can see you point crystal clearly. However, there's one person that advised me otherwise -- there may be a very remote possibility that she's expecting me to contact her. So if I did, either I get lucky or get a clear cut message that it's totally over. Besides, if I'm indeed finished as all the signs say I am, then what really have I to lose? My dignity? Well, he just left town a while ago! I'd rather go down fighting a losing battle than to have it end like this. Yes, you can call me stupid but do wish me luck.

[Cecelius]

Guys, I can see you point crystal clearly. However, there's one person that advised me otherwise -- there may be a very remote possibility that she's expecting me to contact her. So if I did, either I get lucky or get a clear cut message that it's totally over. Besides, if I'm indeed finished as all the signs say I am, then what really have I to lose? My dignity? Well, he just left town a while ago! I'd rather go down fighting a losing battle than to have it end like this. Yes, you can call me stupid but do wish me luck.

 

Your dignity is one of the things women find attractive. Protect that like it's the most important thing in the world.

 

She's not interested, at the moment. Leave it alone and give her a call in a few months.

 

Most women are conditioned to not hurt people's feelings, which is why they are indirect and hope that you get the message. By not counteroffering, she's saying she's not interested.

 

Guard your dignity

[Shidoshi]

However, there's one person that advised me otherwise -- there may be a very remote possibility that she's expecting me to contact her.

Come on man....I guess you don't have to agree with what we're saying but you still don't understand. You stand a better chance to get a reaction out of her by NOT contacting her. You're listening to whoever it is that sent you the pm because you are exactly what she is probably thinking "desperate." If you weren't, you wouldn't have asked for advice in the first place. Just my opinion.

[Ceema-k]

I have to agree with the majority. She lost interest in you, otherwise she wouldn't have forgotten/cancelled your 3rd date (over SMS, no less... bleh)

 

If she had any interest in pursuing things, she would have suggested a new day to have the date. Better, yet, she wouldn't have forgotten the original date.. period. Girls who like you simply do not forget to be with you.

 

case in point, i dated a girl for 4 months until she forgot we were to go out one night & stood me up. It sounds harsh, but we broke up because of that. It just laid everything out to me, plain and simple. Things just weren't going to work out.

 

If you're not getting any help from a girl when asking her out.. it means she's just not that into you. You're lucky it only took 2 dates to come to that realization, instead of 4 months.

[Muttley]

In a bizarre twist, she finally sent me an SMS last Friday! We then exchanged a few messages about what we've been up to as of late. The next day, I asked her if she's free for lunch this Sunday. Instead, she invited me to join her and her friend that she was meeting later today. I agreed so she said she'll get back to me in a couple of hours for the details. As you have guessed, she sent me another SMS a few hours later saying our supposed meeting has now been cancelled! She said, "Sorry, were not pushing through today. I, unfortunately, fell asleep and overslept. My friend and I will just be staying in my house. We'll just do this next time." I then said, "I understand. Thanks anyway." She replied, "Sorry again, I'll make it up to you next time. Take care."

 

So what's wrong with this picture? Is she just playing head games with me? Lastly, when she says she'll make it up to me, does she really mean it? Should I just keep silent and let her contact me after a few days? Man, this is starting to drag way too much!

[DN]

What's wrong with the picture is that she is much less interested in you than you are in her. I would make no further effort to contact her and find someone else.

[Shidoshi]

I agree with DN. Don't contact her, and if she contacts you let her set EVERYTHING up. Its starting to sound like your being played anyway.

I then said, "I understand. Thanks anyway.

Your replies to her sound pretty weak man. If she offers to meet up with you I'd suggest you tell her your busy and that it seems like she's wasting your time and she's going to have to make it up to you.

[rnorth]

Muttley,

 

DO NOT contact her again. seriously. She did contact you which is nice I guess. And she may contact you again. But if she does, do not suggest getting together. Let her do it. Its good that you are keeping things light when you talk and not overreacting.

 

If she does offer to do something, you may want to tease her a bit. Treat her like a "bratty little sister" instead of placing her on a pedistal. She has been a brat after all! Make a joke of the inability of the both of you to get together. Mention something about "possibly being able to fit her in your calendar". Better to do this over the phone than through SMS.

 

Or else, chalk this one up as a learning experience and move on.

 

Good luck to you!

[Muttley]

Let me throw something into the equation. She'll be taking an important examination in a couple of months so she's been quite busy with studying and reviewing. Does this somehow justify everything that has occurred the past couple of weeks (i.e. She had to cancel two of our rendezvous but with good reasons; she did contact me again; she offered to make it up to me)? Or am I just too blind to see that I'm just either in the dreaded "friend zone" or totally finished?

 

So if she makes it up to me and sets everything up, would it be wise to tell her my true intentions -- I want to go out with her more, get to know her better and hopefully enter into a meaningful relationship with her? Expecting the worse but hoping for the best, if she doesn't feel the same way, then it's best that I move on.

[Shidoshi]

would it be wise to tell her my true intentions -- I want to go out with her more, get to know her better and hopefully enter into a meaningful relationship with her?

You still aren't getting it......She already KNOWS you are into her. There is no need to spill your guts about anything because it is very obvious to her. What ever you do, DO NOT TELL HER YOU WANT A MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP. If it is meant to be it will happen on its own. I wish I could jump out there and shake you up!!

 

You're going to blow things before there is even a chance it may get better. Stop worrying about this girl, she's a grown woman who has wants and desires just like any other. When she wants to take it to the next level YOU WILL KNOW. She will most definitely be put off by your neediness if you continue to try and make things happen without her putting in any effort. When a girl is interested, even when she's busy, she will always find a way, keep that in mind....................

[Muttley]

would it be wise to tell her my true intentions -- I want to go out with her more, get to know her better and hopefully enter into a meaningful relationship with her?

You still aren't getting it......She already KNOWS you are into her. There is no need to spill your guts about anything because it is very obvious to her. What ever you do, DO NOT TELL HER YOU WANT A MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP. If it is meant to be it will happen on its own. I wish I could jump out there and shake you up!!

 

You're going to blow things before there is even a chance it may get better. Stop worrying about this girl, she's a grown woman who has wants and desires just like any other. When she wants to take it to the next level YOU WILL KNOW. She will most definitely be put off by your neediness if you continue to try and make things happen without her putting in any effort. When a girl is interested, even when she's busy, she will always find a way, keep that in mind....................

 

Thank God for Internet Love Advice Fora! But there's still this problem, you see -- I don't know where she stands. But alright then, I'll just continue to treat her as a friend and have a good time with her the next time we go out. Seriously, thanks man!