In a relationship but in love with someone else...

[Yilin]

Hello all, I am new here and I want some advice.

 

I am currently in a relationship but I have fallen in love with another guy. What do I do now? The thing is as follows...I have been together with my boyfriend for more than a year now, but I went to study abroad for one year last August. This was already decided before I got to know my boyfriend, so there was nothing we could do against it. The saying goodbye and all was the hardest thing I have ever done. After four months, I went home to visit my boyfriend. Now I am back for the second semester. In three months, my boyfriend comes to visit me here.

However, I think I have fallen in love with someone else. The guy is in my class and I can't stop thinking about him, even though I feel very guilty about it and I don't want it to happen. He doesn't know about my feelings. I don't even know how he feels about me, but the thing is that we like touching each other. You know, small things, just a hand on the shoulder, a touch through my or his hair, and stuff. Nothing more, but it makes me even more confused. Does he also like me? What does he mean by it? A few weeks ago, we got a bit drunk on his birthday, and even though nothing serious happened, he held my hand for a while and couldn't stop hugging me. I am constantly thinking about it and wondering how he feels, even though he was drunk at the time and is acting "normal" again now, except the occasional small touches.

Am I looking for something else because I miss my boyfriend so much? I am cheating on him by liking another guy? What do I do? I really can't stop thinking about that other guy!

He's not even the same nationality as me, and I know that after four months, when our studying period is over, I will hardly ever see him again. This thought makes me sad also, but there is nothing I can do about it. When my boyfriend comes, I think my feelings for the other guy are going to lessen, I hope. I am planning to continue my relationship with him anyway. I don't know how this happened, because I have nothing to complain about my current boyfriend. Our relationship is going really great, actually. I am really only searching something to fill the gap of me missing my boyfriend?

Yet I am so in love with someone else I can't think straight anymore. Any advice or thoughts?

[kuhl282000]

Hello

 

Sounds to me you are torn between conflicting emotions. Actually you can do something about it, and i would suggest you do something about it before it gets out of hand. As hard as it might be you are not being fair to your current boyfriend, but most of all you are no being honest with you.

 

Triangle relationships "NEVER" work out, someone always get hurt in the end. In this case it sounds like that will be your current boyfriend. It sounds to me the new guy is interested in you if he is touching and hugging you. You may want to consider cutting your losses now before the new guy gets to serious. Buy holding on to your current boyfriend, you will end up feeling even more guilty if it esculates with the new guy.

 

Right not you are playing both sides against the middle, and you will end up lying to both. As hard as it might be consider breaking things off from your current boyfriend (give it some deep thought first however) and if you decide to end it. At least he will be able to more on with his life and you can pursue this new guy with out feeling guilty. I wish you the best of luck. Things of this nature are never easy, but it will all work out for the best for all parties concerned in the end. You will break his heart more than likely, but he will get over it in time, we all do. And you are being honest and that ins the important thing to remember, and in time you will still be respected by him because you told him the truth no matter how hard it was on the both of you.

 

Warm Regards

Kuhl

8)

[ArcadianX]

You're mooning over a guy who you're never going to see again four months from now. My sincere advice is to tell him that you're taken, keep far far away from him whenever possible, and focus your energy and emotions on your boyfriend. That isn't exactly easy, but it's probably the right thing to do. Once you've emotionally disentangled yourself, then maybe you can focus on figuring out whether something's missing from your current relationship, and deciding what to do about that without the complications of a love triangle getting in the way.

[Yilin]

Thank you both for your advice. It feels good to write down the thing that's been bugging me and have some other people's opinions on it.