Confused and Alone

[PinkSkittles]

I'm new here, so let me say hi to everyone.

My problem here is that I met my boyfriend through college...he lives in North Bay and I live in Windsor. That's 8hrs apart during the summers and holidays. During the school years we have lots of fun together, we love being around one another and the sparks seem to fly all the time. But of course I might have my bad days when I snap at him or take something out on him and I may not mean too.

Anyway recently this month, we're apart for the summer, I was talking to him online and he set a bomb shell on me. He said that he's been thinking about us breaking up and that it may be for the best. He said that he was fed up with me argueing with him at times and taking things out on him. I cried and cried for two days and he just doesn't seem to care. I called him on the phone and all he seems to want is to not be in a relationship. He says he doesn't know what he wants and that he needs time to himself. I decided to give him time to himself and stop talking to him online. We still talk but now it's like we're not aloud to express how we feel for one another or talk about the relationship...instead I'm stuck asking him about the weather because I'm afraid that if I ask him about "us" he'll get upset or something. I don't know what to do. He said he's coming to see me for just a day before he makes a decision...I pretty much don't have a say in what happeneds to the relationship and it's hurting me so much. I'm trying to get him out of my head but it doesn't work. We've been together for a year and a half and both of us are our firsts so that makes things worse...plus if we are to break up we have a year of school together...meaning I'm going to be stuck seeing him almost everyday. What should I do? Am I overreacting? Please help, I'm so confused.

[Leo_panda]

Its obvious you really like this guy and being together for a year and a half to me seems like nothing in a relationship thats working out really well. I think one of the most important things in a relationship is being able to talk about anything. If you find yourself not being able to talk about something it might be a sign of something more serious. Having only had one serious relationship maybe i'm being one sided here. Anyways my advice is to see him and talk to him face to face about everything thats on your mind. Seriously, if he cares for you at all he'll want to talk with you about all this. For now however continue avoiding it if you want. In the end, if you two break up or not, you're gonna need to know how he feels and thinks of the two of you.

 

Leo_panda

 

 

ps. Dont allow him to make a decision arbitrarily. a relationship requires hard work from both people to make it work. If you think he's giving up but still loves you dont let him leave. the key word here is that he's giving up cause he can't handle it. On the other hand you can't make someone stay if they really want to go. Good luck.

[TearsofaDragon20]

Well welcome to enotalone. i see you are having a hard time with all these conflictions in your personal life. yeah snapping and taking things out on him were a little off the wall. but everyone has their bad days and it's natrual. he should understand and you should becareful when you go off like that. ive had the same thing happen to me and it made me feel that the girl was taking everything out on me for no reason. everyone has bad days but we all have better ones. when he comes or when you talk to him online again, explain to him that it was wrong and apologize. sure it is hard to control emotions try to. and if you feel weird talking to him about you two just bring the subject up but not direct, but more of hints and hidden messages. but being direct might just upset him. but do what you feel is right. they say "follow your heart" and it should mean something to you at this point. do what you can to save this relationship but if it fails just take the time to sort yourself out and heal. i dont know if i helped you but i hope i did. take care.

[NNIgelb1]

hi i just joined this site today, and i really feel giving people my thoughts, hey i have to post my problem !! but anyway, i think your letter is so sad , love is difficult sometimes but i'm going to reveal a secret to you , people don't care about things that are easy to get and that they take for granted, for instance the book "the rules" as a guy i have to admit that this book is right on the money except i strongly disagree with some of the things in it like you should never smile at a guy or don't accept a date ,without 5 days warning etc. and never call back , and as a guy part of my problem is that this girl i met 2 years ago called me (we exchanged numbers) and when i heard the message on my cell phone i thought oh, she called me now i don't have to call her cause in a guys mind that means i have her to myself and theres no work to be done with getting her.....i think when this guy comes up tell him you have just decided to start dating someone else, and he'll have to talk about it some other time, now PLEASE have the strength to do this!!!!!!!!! it will make him go ballistic IF there is any interest left , it will be like putting gasoline on a little fire going out! i can promise you one thing if you keep chasing him it will drive him away,

[PinkSkittles]

Things are looking up. I listened to my heart and I explained to him how much I do love him and that I don't want him feeling like I take everything out on him. You've all helped me and most of my friends have been telling me to let him go...but I held on and now, now he tells me that I've made him so happy, because I understand. He told me how sorry he was for pushing away; but that was the only way he felt I would listen, and take it seriously that he wasn't happy. I told him that I would take it easier on him....stop over analyzing and just enjoy our time together...but he needs to realize that he didn't approach the problem in a good way. Afer I talked to him he came online the next night and started hitting on me like he did before all this..telling me how amazing I look and how he wants to basically get in my pants. This worries me. How could he have wanted to end it and now he's head over heels wanting my body? I felt used and I told him that...he apologized and assured me that he loves me for me....but I can't tell if he's telling me the truth...I'm going to visit him on the 27th for the long weekend.....meaning I'll be staying with him and I'm nervous...not sure if sleeping with him is the right thing to do...not when we were so close to breaking up. I love him...but I need to know that he loves me for me and not for my body. How should I find out if he loves me not only physically but emotionally as well?