Losing streak, just that

[J Miracle]

its been just under 2 months no contact. I was dumped after 6 years (living together whole time). I do occasionally get in contact with her for logistical purposes; mail, my boat is still at her (previously "our') place, and such. Only short texts, strictly business. The initial sting has mostly worn off. Still a huge gaping hole in my heart, bound to be there a while. I cry less and less.

 

I'm coming to terms with the fact that Ive lost. I lose sometimes. I'm on a bit of a losing streak. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of grieving. But im slowly turning it around. This post is less about her, or us, and more self indulgent, which we all should be in times like this.

 

I'm in the gym 4 days a week. A place of solace and peace. Although words are rare between members, there's an unspoken understanding; were all on a sacred pilgrimage for glorious gains. This sense of community amongst strangers warms the cockles of my heart.

 

I'm dating a new girl whose fun, sexy, and involved in active hobbies. We climb walls of stone together, we let the finest beers flow like the white rapids of northern California, and we make staggered retreats to beach bungalows for long evenings of intimacy swirled with Netflix.

 

I'm meditating, journaling and seeing a therapist, all regularly. Doing my best to unearth my weaknesses, fears and short comings. Acceptance will be best served with a clear conscience and knowledge of self.

 

I'm planning a saga through the islands of Indonesia. I will use this new found freedom, while unwelcome and fruitless, to expand my catalog of adventures, and add to it stories of conquest, discovery, and true victory at sea.

 

I'm rebuilding my business. I'm regretful to admit, this failed romance has left me to neglect my craft. The time for sorrow has come and gone. I need to step out from the shadows of the colorless wood that is my grieving, and return to my handle with a new found inspiration.

 

And while these strides are piqued with the dull sense of rejection, longing and a faultering self worth, I'll continue to rewrite the shattering of my hopes, in a way that suits only me. I will rewrite, once over again, until built is a narrative that's both palatable and acceptable, to the last man standing in a unity dissolved.

 

Wishing I could stand behind my hollow affirmations that I'm now no less than an isle, I take comfort knowing an archipelago's ultimate fate; to once again surrender to submersion in a sea of love.

 

Welp, a couple beers and a frozen trader joes meal, and there you have it.

[gebaird]

I'm so sorry for your pain, but happy there is someone new in your life who brings you joy. I hope the losses you've experienced will be made up, and then some.

 

Also, I gotta say, this post is quite possibly the most impressive piece of poetic prose I've seen on this site ... maybe ANY site. You have a gift, my man.

[No1]

I believe you are on the cusp of a break thru. Perhaps a few sessions with a counselor can help you thru your last few walls.

[J Miracle]

Thanks guys. I'm taking all the necessary actions, and from an outside persoective one might say I've moved on, but mentally i haven't turned that corner. I guess no matter how you adjust your behaviors, the biggest factor in healing is time?

[Quidam]

well played keep the hustle real!