I'm Afraid to orgasm, Is there something wrong with me?

[playfull06]

Ok, I am just wondering something. I get scared about what is happening when my partner and I are " together" and I can't orgasm. Is there anyway where I can just relax and trust what is going on? Does anyone have any suggestions?

[guapa]

Hi-

You aren't the first woman to not have an orgasm... lot's don't! So there's absolutely nothing wrong with you! But, don't despair! There are many ways to learn how to orgasm with someone, and it may take time. Do you masturbate? One thing I found to help me was to touch myself and to give myself my own orgasm if he didn't touch me enough down there just because of the angle or just me not liking so much how he touched me (my ex, by the way). Some woman have orgasms because of penetration, and others need more clitoral stimulation... and there are many other ways to get someone off too, using words and talking to each other while having sex.

 

Talking about what you're doing while having sex can be a huge turn on, plus it could relax you. Have you talked to him about this? My current partner turns me on way more than anyone else EVER has. I don't know, some of it has to do with age and a growing comfort with my own body! Some of it has to do with how he talks dirty to me... But definitely being emotionally and mentally connected helps the physical part too. Anyhow, I have to go, but I hope this helps a bit!!

[providentielle]

Do you orgasm but just not with him? I found it difficult to let go in my first relationship, I felt I wasn't in control when I was that aroused and orgasmind and was completely vulnerable and I wasnt comfortable with feeling like that but gradually I relaxed with him and when i realised how much he enjoyed hearing me come I was happier with it

[playfull06]

To providentielle:

Honestly, I haven't maturbated to that point. But when I am with my partner I don't feel in control and I hate not being in control. How did you get comfortable? Was it just a time and time again thing or was there something you did?

[providentielle]

I have exactly the same problem, i hate not being in control. I think the first step has to be to orgasm by yourself, things are a lot less scary with your partner if you know how you will be in yourself. When you are comfortable with that then it will be so much easier. I told my partner how i felt and he was really good, he stopped if i asked him to and was really patient with me and eventually i got so turned on that i didnt want to stop! and after that first time of letting go and realising it wasnt an awful thing that i lost control for a few minutes it got easier and i haven't looked back since

[jadedsoyoung]

I haven't been able to orgasm either. I guess I still hold a "touching yourself is bad" thing from my parents. I can't even get started by myself and my current parnter does give two poops about my pleasure. He is my first and is a lot more experienced than me. I always thought orgasms came easily, like automatically.

[tinkerbell_79]

I always thought orgasms came easily, like automatically.

 

Ha ha ha... Nooooo!

Sorry. Not to be so sarcastic but it's absolutely not the case--with women anyway.

And I can tell you from experience, jadedsoyoung that the partner is probably 99 percent of the problem.

 

I think it's definitely beneficial to learn your own self and what makes you feel good first and foremost. I was a late starter, myself. It didn't even occur to me until I was about 19. But it definitely helps if A) You know what turns you on and B) You have an idea what the progression of stimulation to orgasm feels like and when to expect it.

It can be difficult, even then--to trick out your mind and let yourself relax and not over think things enough to just let it happen.

 

I will also mention that vaginal orgasms (a recent discovery for me) vs clitoral are quite different and, I feel like for me, harder to control/predict--since you aren't the only one driving, so to speak, in that case.