Mother in law visiting,staying 2 weeks

[journeynow]

The part about free will that is so great is that in situations like this we can decide how we want to interpret it and if we let it have power or not.

 

she stayed at the house of her other son and his wife when they got their child,and still she managed to create trouble.She was bored,so she started cleaning,and then moving things where she thought was better...and at the end she said to her own daughter "you should see how dirty it was in the house of the daughter in law,i only had to clean".She will come here and try to take over the household,,and then say stuff like "when mommy is here you get everything dont you my son " lol.Even on the phone she tells him,does she make you food,do you go around hungry:05.18-flustered

 

Think about it, if she does this for you, you get a clean house! It's her gift to you, despite how she words it. Sure, she might have pride and an attitude, but try to see past that, that might be her protective shield in what can be a challenging world. For things like "when mommy is here you get everything dont you my son", first off, you know she can't give him "everything" (wink, wink). And second, you can smile and say "You really love him, don't you? I do, too. You've raised a good man. Thank you." It's not wrong, is it? And maybe it is what she needs to hear. Being a mother was clearly very important to her, and still is, but now (my guess is) she has an empty nest while still having the urge to mother (and be in charge, as a mother often is). Rather than resist her (which would make her more determined), accept it and perhaps acknowledge her a little more. There is an expression which might apply here: "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." The point being that kindness gets better results than bitterness. (Not sure why one would catch flies, but it may be to catch them if they are in the house and being annoying.)

 

.but i find it hard to just put my pride in the trash and let her win all her fights

 

Do you see the irony? You both have pride and strong wills. Instead of making it about winning, see if it can be about understanding. Understand her need to feel important and competent and in control of her life, her situation. Of course, she doesn't really have control of the world or her son, and neither does anyone else. We can only control our selves. Which can be the biggest challenge we face.

 

I hope you are right and i do not want to sound negative,but the other DIL had worse problems once her son was born.MIL used to come over and say "this is my child " and wanted things done her way,because "she knew best after 4 kids"

 

If she says that, try saying something like "4 kids! Wow!" Yes, it takes something to raise 4 kids. Which does not discount you in any way whatsoever. She is not moving in, she is just visiting, so keeping it smooth and navigating to a more peaceful journey together is an option worth considering.