I love him

[Poupee]

My bf and I just celebrated our one year anniversary on Sunday,I love him and I know that he loves me.We have some problems and the biggest one I guess is that he's going to school almost 4 hours away from here.We dont get to see each other that much,twice a month,sometimes once.At the beginning of our relationship he would cry when our 2 or 3 days together were over and one of us had to get back home (he's a very sensitive person) I was always the one telling him to not cry,to be strong cause we'd see each other again soon but lately I've been the one crying and it sucks.When we are together everything is so wonderful,I love him so much that I just want to hold on to him forever and never let him go Leaving him has been the ugliest and hardest thing for me to do lately but I love our days together and I dont like my life as much when he's not here.There lies another problem,when we are not together we fight about stupid things,most of the time its my fault.I just think I'm so frustrated about not being able to be closer to him that I just start fighting about stupid stuff sometimes.I've had a lot of stress lately,personal problems and even though he can give me moral support there's nothing else he can do about it.And sometimes I'm frustrated about those things and when I talk with him I'm so mad already that I just say something bad to him or get mad with him and I know its not fair.So I decided something last week,I told him we shouldnt talk that much anymore,that I needed some time for myself,to think about me and try to sort out things in my life.Cause I know if we keep going like this its only gonna get worse and I dont wanna hurt him,its not fair for him so I'm not gonna hurt him anymore and hopefully when we get back to being the way we were everything would be so much better.

The thing is,I've never done this before and I know its gonna be so hard cause we're used to talking almost everyday.I know I should do things to keep me busy and all that but still I know its gonna be so hard But I do think its the right thing to do.I mean,I have to try to sort out my life first before trying to have a successful relationship with him.I dont know how long its gonna take,I told him weeks,perhaps more than a month,I honestly dont know.I just want some advice about whether ot not you think this is the right thing to do and how can I cope out with it better? How do I get used to not talking with him ? Cause I'm always thinking about him,everyday,and I'm honestly doing this for the best,to try to make our relationship better.

Thanks for reading.

[lady00]

I'm a little confused. Are you guys taking space from each other or are you broken up? Do you think he might have taken it as a breakup?

[Carnatic]

It sounds to me like your only problem is separation, you say you never have problems when you are together. If that's the case then seperating even further could be a bad idea, putting more strain on your relationship.

How old are you both and how did you meet? maybe you should try harder to see eachother, or start looking forward to the time when you can be closer to eachother, when you leave school or something.

[Poupee]

We're not broken up,I told him we should get some space from each other for a while.I know the main problem is that we're far away,but how can we fix that right now? he wont come live here,I mean,he cant yet,in fact he could,my mom said he could come here live with me but he doesnt want to live with my family and I understand that,I wouldnt want to live in his parent's house either but still.I'm 21,he's 22.We met 3 years ago cause he used to live here,almost all his family lives here so we met before he went to college up there and we were friends first,then we stopped talking,then we began talking again and one thing led to another.

Do you reallt think not talking would make things worse? Oh,I dont know He said he didnt know how much it could help either,he said it'd make him miss me more than anything.But I still feel that I need some time to be alone and think things through.

Thanks for the replies so far.

[passions1]

I can sense you love your bf dearly, but you must let him decide as well if continuing the communication routinely will hurt or maintain the relationship. Keep in mind that he may not see eye to eye on you in terms of how much & how long to contact one another. I understand that you don't want to hurt him, but it sounds like you are being selfish as well by not having his input as well of handling the relationship. If you want a break then go ahead, however if you just need temporary space then make that clear. Because it sounds more like a break the way it was presented on your message?

[cingularity83]

I myself am about to tell my girlfriend the same thing...see the only way I can do right by her is by taking time for myself and doing right for me...I also need time with my thoughts right now...I think that if you really believe in your heart that you did the right thing by suggesting taking a break then you should be happy with your decisions...you weren't being dishonest or anything like that...it shows you have courage to do what you feel is right...just make sure you talk to him and let him know how you feel so you are both always on the same page....I have sent you a pm by the way...good luck..

[Carnatic]

Oh right, when you said about school I assumed you were both teenagers or had no power over where you went. If your parents are offering then is it maybe possible he could spend a week at your house, give you more time together.

The thing I think about couples taking breaks from eachother is that it often seems to lay the groundwork for a future breakup, does anyone know of any couples who have had a break and then got back together? I think better than taking breaks couples should try to find ways in which problems can be solved, if you love eachother then neither of you will enjoy the lack of contact so why do it? Sometimes you just have to get through difficult times together.

[Poupee]

Well,thanks for answering again

He does come to my house a lot,more than what I go to his.His mom can be kind of annoying to me sometimes so I prefer him coming,of course I havent told him this.

The thing is,we cant see each other more than 2-3 days straight cause he works and so do I.So even if I could take a week off from work he would still have to work.

My mom told me that cause she knows that we love each other and she likes him a lot,and cause she knows that when he does come here to live he needs to get a decent job so we can both pay the rent and stuff.Plus his car takes more than half his money away so he DOES need a decent paid job.

Anyway,he's told me that before he moves here he needs to sort some things out,doesnt want to tell me what,but he said its got something to do with money and his parents.I'm not trying to pressure him,cause I'm not ready to move in with him next month either so we're planning on December.

Well,as for now,we've been e-mailing each other some days,cause at least when e-mailing we cant fight.But we talked yesterday for a while,it was great,I miss him a lot.I dont wanna cut him off my life entirely cause I know it'd hurt too much and not be fair for any of us,but giving each other more space is what feels right right now.

Thanks everyone for the replies.