My girlfriend assumes I'll break her heart

[EnolWolf]

This is something that greatly offended me.

 

She told me that our feelings are growing too strong and that it's a bad thing. She's not very confident in people. Guess why? It's all because of her ex.

 

He let her down and made it clear that he was using her. They were only together about a month. She claims she was in love with him...

 

Anyway, I don't see what any of that has to do with me. I'm a different guy. We've been together for 4 months now and she's supposedly been feeling like this "before she met me."

 

If she thinks I'll eventually let her down, then why is she with me? The only thing that comes to mind is that I'm being used. She's not a bad person at all. She's just very pessimistic and a little insecure.

 

Is there anything I can do to gain her trust? I've been doing everything I can. She told me that there's nothing I can say or do to change her mind. I don't believe that's true.

 

Any opinions would be nice.

 

Thanks for reading.

[Luscious]

I don't think that there's really anything that you can do but, continue doing what you are doing now and go over board when it comes to you showing how much you care about her. Try and reassure her that its unfair to you to be in the relationship with both feet and she's in half way because she's scared you're going to hurt her, and also the only reason she's going by is the fact that her ex hurt her before.

 

Tell her that you deserve a fair chance and shouldn't be tested on someone's else faults. Yes she was hurt but all guys are not alike just how all females aren't alike, ask her to give a chance to take the test and fail don't fail you because others has failed.

 

Good luck!!

[bull]

tell her that u comepletely understand her feelings, but tell her that u need to know whether she wants this relationship or not. give her all the time she wants to decide, but dont let things go further until shes made up her mind. shell either decide that she wants to be with u or that she doesnt want to be with u. if she does, then i respect her trust in u. if she doesnt, then i think she needs some time without u or any guy so that she can heal mentally. i feel for u though, because its not like its ur fault her ex used her.

[EnolWolf]

Thanks, I really appreciate the replies.

 

I'll keep doing what I'm doing (which is nothing wrong.)

 

I've already questioned her about being with me. She gave me no answer. I'm going to find out today

 

Wish me luck.

 

Thanks again.

[Cecelius]

Leave it alone. Either she really has some unique issues because of her ex, in which case reassuring her seems unatural to me, or she's high maintenance.

 

Most importantly, I'd tell her to lay off talking about the ex, or that the two of you should adjourn till she's over him.

 

You are not there to provide emotional support that is excessive.

[hurtwou]

ok.,....No there is nothing you could do, absolutely nothing. I didnt trust my boyfriend and he was the nicest guy I have ever known and I lost him.....I wasnt using him either. Its just when an ex hurts you so bad you think everyone is out to get you.

[RandomAdvisor]

Sounds like you're the rebound relationship for her. I agree there isn't really anything you can do for her other than what you are doing now. Hopefully in time she'll come around and trust you. BUT, if she is being very negative about this, constantly bringing it up, and generally being depressive about your relationship because she expects the worse: then you should give it to her and dump her. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a very negative person...

[Strandysmommy]

BUT, if she is being very negative about this, constantly bringing it up, and generally being depressive about your relationship because she expects the worse: then you should give it to her and dump her.

 

That would be the worst course of action. That would damage her beyond comprehension. I agree there's a thing called the self fullfilling prophesey, but there's no need to bring it on un-natural. I've already PM'd you, so you know where I am coming from in saying that.

[RandomAdvisor]

Well, we'll have to agree to disagree. I'm not making it as a universal statement, it really depends on a case to case basic. I personally wouldn't want to be involved with a person who is very negative, although I'm not sure if Tynetria's GF fits the bill. As far as damaging the person you're dumping in such a situation, I don't think that's enough justification to stay in a relationship with them. It's a terrible burden to stay in a relationship with someone because their happiness is solely dependent on you. Ultimately when you choose to end a relationship with someone, you're thinking more about your own happiness, not your partner's...