annabanana1997 Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 My parents are really overprotective, especially my dad, they track my location on my phone and insist I text them my every move. This is something I understand in part because they just want me to be safe, but I'm 19 and in college and I want to be able to experience relationships and sex without having to hide or sneak around them. I'm trying to move out next year but meanwhile I'm friends with a guy I really like but I can't go to his house to hang out or have sex withot them figuring it out, if I lie and get caught it will be the end of any freedom I have because I already lost my dads trust when I was 17 and had a boyfriend. I don't know what to do, if I tell them the truth they will freak out over the fact that I'm going to a strange boys house somewhere I've never beeen before and will get worrried I might be kidnapped or something, as well as that my dad still sees me as a child and doesn't allow me to have sex. I don't want to scare off the guy by saying I have overprotective parents, I feel it will ruin any chance of a relationship for me in the future because who wants to date a 19 year old girl who still has to run everything by her parents? I just want the privacy and freedom most people my age have in regards to relationships and the independence to make my own decisions, could you help? Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 You are a legal adult. Get yourself a place and your own phone ASAP. Link to comment
TMifune Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 I don't want to scare off the guy by saying I have overprotective parents, I feel it will ruin any chance of a relationship for me in the future because who wants to date a 19 year old girl who still has to run everything by her parents? Any guy worth your time won't want to overly complicate your relationship with your parents. Lots of college guys want sex. But lots of college guys want meaningful connection with girls too. Something about this statement makes me think that you believe you have to buy affection from guys with sex. And that, I think is a very bad road to go down. I don't read this like you're as interested in having sex as you are interested in using it as a tool get get / keep a guy. I think you'd be better served by a guy who understands and supports you while you work on adjusting your relationship with your parents. As a secondary benefit, choosing a guy that's not going to be freaked out by your parents wanting to protect you will probably go a long way toward making your parents trust that you're making good decisions with respect to dating when / if they meet him. My thinking is that hiding or sneaking around or trying to pull one passed your parents is likely to make them become more restrictive. That said, if you're hell-bent on doing what you're going to do, then you simply need to apply some creativity. What if the guy came to your room? Then your phone would indicate that you're in your room. What if you left your phone in your room when you went to visit him? Then your phone would indicate that you're in your room. What if you hang out with him largely in places where there's no reason for your parents to believe it's out of the ordinary? Get your own phone and have calls and texts from the one your parents pay for forwarded to the one that you pay for. Carry the parental phone every time you go somewhere that they expect you to go, and leave it in your room whenever you go somewhere else. Get a GPS spoofing app for your phone (caution, this only spoofs GPS, so if they're getting location from the cell tower your're connected to, it won't work) I mean, there's lots of ways to be sneaky, but I think being upfront and showing your parents that you're making smart decisions is much more likely to get them to respect your decisions. That may mean that you can't always have exactly what you want exactly when you want it, but seems like the straightest path to a relationship where your parents trust your decisions. Getting caught being sneaky is just going to undermine the trust between you and them. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 Only discussions with your parents will help. Talk to a school counselor about how to deal with their excessive controlling and distrust. They are treating you like prisoners on parole get treated You need help from your counselors to negotiate this. It isn't about having sex with guys and what they will think etc. Being deceitful will inflame things and backfire. Get some part time work on or near campus and start saving for a no-contract phone of your own. Leave the parental controlled gps equipped phone as stationary as much as possible. I'm 19 and in college. I just want the privacy and freedom most people my age have in regards to relationships and the independence to make my own decisions, could you help? Link to comment
Kaykayxo Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 I agree with the first post! You are no longer under their control. The only thing is that a) you live under their roof and b) they are your parents, so obviously you do not WANT to have to have them upset at you. I am 20 and also in college and lived at home for the first year. My parents were not as strict but did get into my business and created problems with my relationships, especially my mom. We all agreed it was for the best that I move into my own place, I now live with roommates and I find it much more peaceful. This is not to say I am living wild, or having sex all the time...it is just nice to have that independence and your own space. You should really consider student housing while you are away at school. It will be affordable, located near your school, and you will get that taste of adult freedom. If that is out of the question, I would try to have a mature conversation with them. Don't whine or cry, throwing fits will not remind your parents you are a grown women. The goal is to make them realize that you are an adult now and can take care of yourself. Compromise by coming up with new "rules" that both parties can agree on, such as being allowed to visit friends as long as you are home by a certain time. Baby steps. If they are refusing to compromise and being irrational I think you do need to look into finding somewhere else to live, not to spite your parents but to assert your independence. Link to comment
SkellyWoozle Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 Get yourself out of their house and find a place to live either on your own or with room-mates. You're still their child (and always will be) and even if you think they should give you some freedom they'll find it hard to let go. That said, if you want to be treated like an adult, then you also have to act as one.... Get your own place, your own phone and most importantly talk to your parents maturely about how you think it's the right time to stand on your own two feet and make your own way in life. If you can't afford to do that, then come to some arrangement/compromise with your parents on going out/seeing friends/boyfriends. If you can show them you're grown up then they may well be more inclined to let you do stuff. Sounds ridiculous, but it works! Good luck X Link to comment
arod03 Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 At 19 focus on your studies. That's all I have to say. Link to comment
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