What on EARTH is going on ??

[marigot]

My bf (I don't even know if he is my bf anymore and that's the problem) and I are so close. We've been going out for five months and spend tons of time together. Things seemed to be heading in the right direction. I've met his friends, family, I seem to be included in all of his future plans...

 

Well, we had our first HUGE blow-out Monday night. We both disrespected each other and things were said out of anger and I ended up get exasperated because he was no longer talking so I said "Well, looks like you have nothing else to say. Have a nice life." and I hung up. Yes, it was stupid but hindsight is 20/20.

 

I text message him the next day to say "Im Sorry" and he texts back "Don't call me anymore. I'm moving on. "Have a Nice Life" This floored me. I called him at work and said "I'm sorry. I can understand why you're angry. I'm really sorry." He was silent and then said really snotty "Look, can I call you back?" and slammed the phone down. Finally, I wrote and email and let him know that I never wanted out of the relationship. I know what I said hurt him and that it was said out of anger adn that I love him very much and I love what we have and that I would like to see him.

 

The email response that I got back was so out of character and so cruel. His subject line was "whatever" and he said things like "I'm not feeling the same way as you right now", "I have a million things to say to you but I'm way to upset and I'm in no mood to talk to you", "I'm really doing you a favor letting you go so you can find someone new because obviously I'm not doing a good job." "I don't feel like seeing you. I need some alone time"

 

WHAT is this? So if we are now broken up then what's with the need some alone time? I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. Please help.

[OceanEyes]

Must have been quite the blowout. He obviously took things you said to heart, and doesn't know how to deal with you right now. It's never a good sign to keep asking a guy questions or to talk AT ALL when he becomes silent. In my experience, when a man becomes silent and has nothing left to say, it's best to keep quiet yourself and both cool off.

 

He's obviously very upset. The only option is to back off and give him some time to call you. He's probably doing his 'thinking' right now, and it's not going to be helped by you calling or showing up at his workplace. I can't say for sure which way things are going to go, but he has to be able to think things through before he'll say a word to you. Unlike women, men will actually keep quiet until they have thought everything through and know exactly what they want to say. Women tend to talk for communication and to feel better.

[DragonGirl724]

eeeekk..times like this make me really enjoy the single life.

 

there was a lot of drama & unecessary comments..& even threats to finalize the relationship...well, this is gonna be a tough one to work through. my thoughts are lead in 2 directions:

 

1.) he really got hurt at the fact that you were willing to end what you had & give up on eachother after just 1 fight...and is smirking at the fact that now youre crawling back tryin to undo what you did.

 

or

 

2.) he has been meaning to breakup with you beforehand & now that you 'did it', he doesnt have to worry about the responsiblitiy or guilt that would have came to him if HE was the one who ended it..kinda like a "phew! she did it! this worked out pretty well for me!"

and he'll enjoy the begging & pleading youre going to shower him with.

 

either way, id take it for what you feel it is...& stop calling him. as TOUGH and impossible as thats gonna seem. its whats best. itll give you both time to clear your minds & get your thoughts together. he has a profound sense of control right now. and if he loves you he will come around & accept your appology. is he the forgiving type?

 

and when you think of it...you both said things you didnt mean.

 

whether it was:

 

"youre a jerk!"

"i hate you!"

or "i dont want to be with you anymore, goodbye!"

 

if he is compassionate he will understand this & disreguard what you 2 said to eachother & the bond you 2 have will emerge out of this even stronger than before...followed by great make-up sex. .

 

my 'friend' started a huge fight with me on saturday night after we went out..we both said very nasty things. & he upset me so much i was crying & i told him to never speak to me again. crying & deeply hurt i slammed his car door & left. he emailed me that night in tears appologizing endlessly for ever saying the things he said & hurting me the way he did. he vowed hed never do it again & he would deeply appreciate it if i spoke to him to talk this over, but wasnt expecting me to. well needless to say we did & we're fine now, if not better...he told me of frustrations he has & his feelings towards me & we learned a lot about eachother.

 

not everyone is the same, or handles things in the same way. but i think this is how your BF should react if he truly does care about you & sincerely wants to work things out.

 

either way. goodluck & keep distance from eachother for a little while.

 

-DG724

[marigot]

Well, he certainly wasn't wanting to break up with me. That I know for sure. He was just telling me this past saturday that it's always "sunny" when I'm around him. We were crazy about each other.

 

But you're right, he must be digging the control right now since I hurt him so bad.

 

I think I just ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. It's breaking my heart.

[DragonGirl724]

when people fight they sometimes say things they dont mean, if he doesnt speak to you about it then hes being a selfish child. and needs to get a grip & grow up. and in the meantime, ask yourself; do you really want such an unforgiving person in your life??? probably not.

 

-DG724

[al7]

WHAT is this? So if we are now broken up then what's with the need some alone time? I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. Please help.

 

marigot,

 

Here is my quite different opinion.

 

Yes he needs some time alone, that true.

But you have to first HONESLTY ask yourself: why the fight started?

I assume that you were kinda testing him: how he handles these type of situations. Obviously he didn't do very good.

Now it depends on you: if you still think he passed your test (I don't think he did though) then I suggest you to contact him after a littel while.

A week is a good ballpark.

[baddasslegend92]

Yeah,

 

That's kind of messed up.He's should of at least had time to calm down by now.My girlfriend and I just got onto our first argument on Monday...She told me she was coming to pick up all the things she left at my house and go home..So when she got there I had all her stuff laid out for her to take(which hurt her feelings).We argued for a little while and said things we didn't mean and then was quiet..She left out the room and went down stairs to get the rest of her stuff and put in her car,and I was just listening for when she was going to close the front door and leave me.But instead when I went down stairs she was lying in the bed sleep..We talked and then had the best sex ever..My point is, by this being the first fight I can't see why he will take it to the extreme unless you said something really awful to him.

[Rainy]

My advice would be to leave him be at the moment, let him cool down and give each other space, maybe if he hasnt got in contact with you in a few weeks, drop a friendly email saying hi, how are?, i know iv annoyed and hurt you hope we can still be friends or maybe more? , keep it light, and see what happens,

 

If he wants you back he has your email address and knows where you stay!

 

goodluck and rememer what is meant for you wont go bye you!