Up-date :)

[Phoenix Down]

Hey,

Well, we're talking again like people, She decided she's not happy with her dude. I want it to go slow, she agrees. I siad I'd update, sorry it took so long. Other than that good luck every one, any advice or bumps in the road to look out for? We're both afraid still. Wish us luck. Phoenix

[just jeff]

I wish my best too you both....good luck in your journey; but go very slow...it's fragile.

[shockeddismayed]

PD

 

This could be fabulous news (enthusiasm restrained for your benefit

 

I can tell you the number one thing I did not do.... and from what I've seen around here... the number one thing that seems to kill the reconciliation process:

 

1) Stopping all of the wonderful things you were doing to build your esteem back up.... focussing TOO MUCH on her and not enough on you and your own happiness.

 

.......... hmmmm ok, a few others.

 

2) Putting pressure on her.

3) Putting pressure on yourself

4) Talking too much about the past.

5) Talking not at all about the past.

6) Not flirting... assuming a "I'm a doormat" approach instead of "I'd love to hang out... let me check my schedule".

7) Expecting too much, too soon.

 

Not sure if that will help at all or just confuse you..... but try to remember what we were talking about before.... you are the tree... don't get caught in her whirlpool (if she continues to act confused). Keep yourself on solid ground, and be a mature, secure man... a gentleman, but a man. So if she starts wiggin' out again, you don't get angry.... you just get disinterested and you tell her so politely. "Sorry EX, that wasn't so cool... call me later when you've figured things out".

 

Dignity..... you need to leave with it no matter what, so don't put it on the table for negotiation (ie don't say anything you'll regret.... keep your emotion in check).