be the man. be the peacock

[Ceema-k]

I was on a rare drinking binge with 3 of my closest friends... shooting the drunken breeze and talking about anything and everything.

 

Convo eventually came to relationships, and I shared my recent ugly dating experiences with my buddies. One of my friends passed on some simple advice that has had me pondering these last few days.

 

He said something to the effect of, "Look, us 3, we are all basically nice guys. You're a nice guy and you'll probably always be. So don't worry about it. When you meet a girl, don't worry so much about being nice to her, because that part of you will just come out naturally. What you really should be thinking about is showing her your stuff. Puffing upt he chest and being the peacock that shows off his colourful plummage. Girls want The Man."

 

With that, he also started talking about the importance of skills (in anything) and using them as part of overall personality. basically, he was saying girls like guys who are good at things... guys with skills. (can you say Napoleon Dynamite? lol)

 

With that very plain advice, my friend really touched on a number of things that I knew were contributing to holding me back from meeting more girls and from dating more.

 

For a lot of guys, being confident and puffing up their chest has been a part of their life and development as males, but not for me. I never felt comfortable doing it. Even after years of making awesome strides in confidence and getting over shyness, I still feel like i need to develop my sense of being.. well, a man.

 

In any case, I was curious as to what some of you here think about what my friend said.

[BillyJean714]

Any man can fluff up his feathers and walk around like a peacock. But, how long will that pseudo-image of confidence last? Not too long, will it? I heard about all of the mating rituals that animals try to elicit when they're trying to attract the 'right' mate, but we're human. We're more complex!

 

Sure, it's not bad to give off the impression that a man's supposed to be all confident, masculine, and all mighty, but what it boils down to is the fact that he needs to be HIMSELF at all times. Best thing that any guy can do is to be himself. That's the only way he will attract the 'right' partner. Someone unique and special, someone who best suits HIM.

 

girls like guys who are good at things... guys with skills. (can you say Napoleon Dynamite? lol)

LOL! And, I bet you there are some girls who would go for him too!

[MetallicAguy]

"Girls just want guys that have great skills, nunchuk skills, computer hacking skills, bow-hunting skills," LOL, that scene is hilarious. What a nerd lol.

[arwen]

I don't agree with your friend. It's too generalized, at least, if you are looking for a relationship. When you are just after some fun it might be true to a certain extent. Not for me, I always go for the least peacocky guy there is, I think LOL.

 

I have found myself being attracted to guys that have a strong sense of who they are and what they want. That can be seen as a form of confidence- but not the kind of confidence I think your friend means. A guy that has a strong sense of who he is and what he wants in life can be insecure about his looks and his place on the dating market. My man is like that, and so were all the exes.

 

I actually don't know anymore if this still relates to your question, but that's what came up in my desperate-for-coffee morning brain.

 

 

 

Ilse.

[ShySoul]

Girls want The Man.

 

Yes. And what if the man is nice, caring, thoughful, considerate, etc.? What if the man isn't showy or into puffing out is chest? What if he is shy and quiet? There is no one defination of what it means to "be a man." In my opinion a real man doesn't need to show off or puff their chest. A real man is modest and lets his personality come off naturally, not needed to do anything to try and impress someone. Really, just be yourself and believe in yourself. Girls like that.

[Kaia]

Any man can fluff up his feathers and walk around like a peacock. But, how long will that pseudo-image of confidence last? Not too long, will it? I heard about all of the mating rituals that animals try to elicit when they're trying to attract the 'right' mate, but we're human. We're more complex!

 

I've read something about that the other day and I've got to say that girl peacocks pick guy peacocks with the biggest tail because it shows the guy peacocks are healthy (hence higher chance indication of good genes and will create offspring that are more fit for survival, so better fitness for her). The rationale behind it is that if the guy peacock is sick all the time he wouldn't have enough resources to grow a big tail. For humans, we not only look for someone with good genes, we also need a guy who would stick around, provide, and take care of the kids. So girls tend to be attracted to guys with the qualities that show that they'll provide for her (this can be conscious decision or done subconsciously). I think this added factor is why it's not a straight formula that you can apply.

[Lola55]

I don't agree with your friend at all. When a guy tries to impress you by talking about things he is good at or things he knows how to do...ummm his "skills" I guess, it is a big turn off for me.

Half the time I can see right through it. Like if he brings something up that has little or no relevance to the conversation, you know he was just trying to puff his feathers so to speak.

There are things girls like in guys and yes confidence is one of them. However, there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance and arrogance is not desired what so ever!

I like a guy who can tell me what he enjoys doing, what he is passionate about, and what makes him happy. Not just the things he thinks he is good at. I want to find those things out on my own

I like a man who is manly or masculine, but not someone who thinks he is "the man". That is immature and stupid. If I think you are the man I will tell you that and show you. There is no need to act the part, just be you and I am sure a woman will love to call you her man!

[corvidae]

Puffing your chest and displaying your tail might gat you a girl, but do you want a girl that would fall for that? Personally I'd like someone a little brighter.

[al7]

1. Any man can fluff up his feathers and walk around like a peacock.

2. But, how long will that pseudo-image of confidence last?

 

3. Sure, it's not bad to give off the impression that a man's supposed to be all confident, masculine, and all mighty, but what it boils down to is the fact that he needs to be HIMSELF at all times.

 

1. Unfortunatley far from it. Just a few men can do that really good.

2. True, they should think about it. Though they shoudl TRY. This is the only way they can develop true confidence, right?

3. Being HIMSELF is good, I agree. What if he is not confident himself?

He should learn.. social skills, confidence skills...are very important.

 

......Where I would find some confidence classes? Anyone?

[al7]

I don't agree with your friend at all. When a guy tries to impress you by talking about things he is good at or things he knows how to do...ummm his "skills" I guess, it is a big turn off for me.

 

I guess by skills we mean SKILlFULL ability to brag about in the way that is appropriate. To be able to advertise himself wihtout showing off too much. Then it is skillful.

[al7]

Puffing your chest and displaying your tail might gat you a girl, but do you want a girl that would fall for that? Personally I'd like someone a little brighter.

 

Just want to make sure: you do not do these "Puffing your chest and displaying your tail" all right. How many many girls do you get by NOT doing it?

You want a little brighter, ok. You consider that chest puffing some osrt of low form... ok. And what do you do to get that "someone a little brighter"?

What better form you know and practice?

[al7]

What you really should be thinking about is showing her your stuff. Puffing upt he chest and being the peacock that shows off his colourful plummage. Girls want The Man."

 

With that, he also started talking about the importance of skills (in anything) and using them as part of overall personality. basically, he was saying girls like guys who are good at things... guys with skills. (can you say Napoleon Dynamite? lol)

 

The answer is yes in general, but it all depends.

If you date a PhD girl and you are showing off how you can fix a tap in the bathroom, you might get lose some points by doing so.

But if you have fixed a tap say by called a handyman, thats different: you showed some leadership and management skills, plus you are not broke and helpful. See? Same thing, but it might be precived so differently...

Anyway I believe you don't need any skills like fixing cars, change oil, hunting and beer drinking...It is not important if you can do that. What important is if you are WILLING to fix the problem and can do it fast and keep you cool while doing it.

 

Sure there are some skills you may directly brag about: Any kind of social skills for example. You can brag about you friends for example and it is ok to do so.

Some skills make you very appealing but you gotta show them in an indirect way: seduction skills (if she know you had many women you got a HUUUGE plus, but of cours eyou gotta have skills to let her know that in a very inderect manner, don't brag about it directly.. it has an opposite effect), money earning skills (do not say numbers... just show your lifestyle), leadership skills.

 

Anyway, I want to make sure: what kind of skills your friend meant while drinking?

[Lola55]

al7 wrote:

 

I guess by skills we mean SKILlFULL ability to brag about in the way that is appropriate. To be able to advertise himself wihtout showing off too much. Then it is skillful.

 

 

I think that this skillful advertising you speak of is not at all necessary. If a girl is interested in you for different reasons such as: physical attaraction, your personality, things in common etc...., she will want to find out more about you. The best thing that a guy can do is to just let the girl "in" so to speak, let her find out who you are, don't force it upon her. Even if you are good at it and can do it in a tactful way, it is not necessary. So many guys spend too much time and energy trying to "advertise" when all they need to be doing is joking around, making good conversation (anything small that shows the true person you are). So many guys don't realize that those simple things are what win the genuine girls over. If she likes you for you, all of your skills will be a bonus that she will want to discover on her own.

[SkyFire]

Girls want The Man."

 

 

 

guys with skills. (can you say Napoleon Dynamite? lol)

 

 

Correct.

 

Being sincere helps, but it alone wont keep you a girl for long.

 

You need to be "male".

[Ceema-k]

Hey again!

Appreciate the comments so far.. but it feels like a lot of you are interpreting my comments to the extreme.

 

It seems like the whole "puffing up of the chest and dispalying peacock feathers" concept has conjured up images of loud, arrogant braggarts who do nothing but boast about how great they are.

 

That was definitely not what my friend was trying to tell me. All he meant was, if you have talents, hobbies and other passions, then own up to them and be proud of them. Don't worry yourself with being modest. It's about Getting Attention. It's about standing out in a crowd of men.

 

I dunno.. it was the way he explained it to me that really hit home. ... and that fact we were guzzling down pitchers of beer.

[al7]

1. I think that this skillful advertising you speak of is not at all necessary. If a girl is interested in you for different reasons such as: physical attaraction, your personality, things in common etc...., she will want to find out more about you.

 

2. So many guys spend too much time and energy trying to "advertise" when all they need to be doing is joking around, making good conversation (anything small that shows the true person you are). So many guys don't realize that those simple things are what win the genuine girls over.

 

1. You are talking about some handsome hunks from magazines cover. What if I am not that physically attractive and not girls find it appealing? I still should "let her find out who you are,"? How exactky you suggest to do that?

 

2. Man... that what I am talking about: social skills: to be able to make a good joke, good convo...it is very hard for some people to be social.

For example I am quite anti-social type.

Those things are not SIMPLE. Sure if you are ALREADY good at socializing

you don't have to worry about getting a date. Well then you don't even have to biother to look at this forum. Those guys\girls are fine.

[al7]

It seems like the whole "puffing up of the chest and dispalying peacock feathers" concept has conjured up images of loud, arrogant braggarts who do nothing but boast about how great they are.

 

That was definitely not what my friend was trying to tell me. All he meant was, if you have talents, hobbies and other passions, then own up to them and be proud of them. Don't worry yourself with being modest.

 

Of course that's right. Why what makes you think it is NOT?

The more you are able to do in terms of your social life, the more success you have over othert guys the more women and better women you can get. It is simple, isn't it?

 

It is funny what people are saying here: do not brag brag about... let her know by a convo who you are...

But that is exatly what you have to do: if you got a millionon the bank and say that fact to a girl, they wont like you at all.

But if you drive a nice BMW, it says you have some decent money and it is a huge attraction without bragging about.

Plus what a convo is? It is basically bragging about what have you done.

So you gotta advertise yourself and you can be pretty aggressive in that actvity.

[Lola55]

al7 wrote:

 

1. You are talking about some handsome hunks from magazines cover. What if I am not that physically attractive and not girls find it appealing? I still should "let her find out who you are,"? How exactky you suggest to do that?

 

2. Man... that what I am talking about: social skills: to be able to make a good joke, good convo...it is very hard for some people to be social.

For example I am quite anti-social type.

Those things are not SIMPLE. Sure if you are ALREADY good at socializing

you don't have to worry about getting a date. Well then you don't even have to biother to look at this forum. Those guys\girls are fine.

 

I don't think you got my point al. I am not trying to be unrealistic here. When I said that you should talk to a girl, joke around with her etc...I meant it as an example. The example was that if that happens to be something you enjoy doing, (good conversation, joking etc...) then that may be all you need to do! If on the other hand you do not enjoy these things then use what you do enjoy, show her the things that make you special and unique.

I also did not say that all women go for looks or conventional attractiveness. I said that if a girl is interested in you for your looks, or for your personality or any other reason (it may be all of them at once or it may be one on its own i.e...she may be initally attracted to your personality). I was just trying to point out that if something, ANYTHING about you draws you to her then she will want to know more. Just be you and if she likes you for who you are you will know it. If you are simply meeting girls who go for looks then i think you are meeting all the wrong girls. There is a lot more to a person then looks and trust me when i tell you that if you stop trying to "advertise" and be something that you are not, or show aspects of you that in the long run are not that important, the right girl will come along and like you for you. Why would you want anything less?

It is a beautiful thing when a person can let go and show their true colours. It makes the person genuine, real and incredibly attractive. Even if that person does not feel they are good looking, outgoing, or funny, there are many other qualities about them that are worth sharing with the world. Not every girl is looking for a guy off of a magazine cover, there are girls who like shy quiet guys. If you are not being you then how will she ever be able to find you?