I looked at relationships all wrong...

[alittleoverlife]

I think I've learned something about myself that I never could've imagined I would. Up until today I had no idea why I wanted to be in a relationship. I mean, I knew I wanted to, but if someone had ever asked me why I would've given him some generic answer. I would've remarked that I wanted the companionship, the ability to share my life with another; the comfort of knowing someone is there for me, etc., but never an answer unique to myself. Yet today, I don't know why, I found the answer to that question.

 

I realized today that I want a relationship because I have this belief that now is the time to find the one person I'm supposed to be with for the rest of my life, and if I don't that person now, I won't have someone in the future. See, in my logic, I see that my best chances to really get to know someone is now, in college, or when we're young, and that the older I get the less chance I have of finding someone as pure and innocent as I can now, before they become tainted by the real world.

 

I suddenly saw that I create this false hope in girls that I am attracted to. I don't look at what they are now, but I look to see what they can become in the future. I ignore all their faults that they have now, give them the "they're young" excuse, and believe that somehow they will become the person I desire later, if I just give it time. I always think that if I could somehow get through to them, and make them see what they could become, that they would magically fall in love with me, and we would get married and live the fairy tale life. How foolish of me.

 

I think this is why I was so heartbroken over my previous relationship. I believed that this girl had to be the one I married, because I knew her better than I knew anyone. Of course, in my years, I've only encountered a tiny fraction of the entire female population, and to believe that I will never feel the same way or know someone as well as I knew her is just ridiculous. I have countless years to meet new women, to get to know them, and to pursue some sort of relationship with them. Even still, I found myself believing that she was my soul mate and that no one else could ever fill her shoes, because I met her in high school, and that meant something? It doesn't make sense to me anymore.

 

But I'm not sorry for thinking this way, I'm just glad I caught it now. My parents were high school sweethearts, been together for the longest time, and I think growing up around them gave me this idea that I must find someone soon. I have met other parents who met in college or when they were young, and yet infrequently have come accross couples that met late in their lives. I'm not saying they don't exist, I just see that most of the time later couples have often been married before, with kids, and had a previous life with someone else, usually someone they met when they were young.

 

And today I finally came to the conclusion that I don't want to be in a relationship. I'm not saying they're not wonderful, because they are, but I think I'm satisfied being by myself, for the first time in my life. All this time I wanted a relationship for the wrong reasons, and now that I've corrected them, or at least acknowledged them, I don't find relationships that important to me. Sure it would be great to actually be in a relationship with a woman that is committed and genuinely what I'm looking for, but with the girls I've encountered so far, I realize that's just not possible right now. My future is bright, and with everything I have going for me, I am finally content with where I am and what I am doing. I don't feel lonely anymore, nor do I feel compelled to find someone. I am happy, and that I can honestly say, is probably the best feeling in the world.

[boredguy]

you know...that is a really great philosphy...i never thought of it that way. now that i see it, i see im makin the same mistakes u did...hmm i guess its time to take a look at myself again...

[Celadon]

Great stuff, alittleoverlife! You've had a remarkable "aha!" moment and seem to be ready for whatever life brings you. This is wonderful to hear. Good luck to you! 8)

[MiquelAngelo]

You are so right ! I am much older than you and I am still single but Happy.

Happiness comes from within not from an outside source. Don't look for someone to make you happy , Look for someone to share your happiness with.

[arwen]

I think this is one of those lightbulb-moments not all of us have at the right moment in life. I think this insight will make you even more prepared to meet the right girl. Because by deciding it's really good for you to be alone for now, you'll have time to develop a good sense of who you are, and therewith, independence.

 

Good posting!

 

Ilse.