My best guy friend may no longer be my friend

[Galaxygirl]

I am married. Two years ago I began a friendship with a guy, who was engaged then, and now married. The friendship was my idea. He said he was not good at platonic relationships, had cheated in his first marriage, and did not want that to happen again. We have gotten together every two or three weeks for coffee, mostly my idea. he is always available to me when I need to talk. We talk on the phone once or twice a week, and email often.He is one of my best friends.

 

Our spouses do not know about this. We have never had any physical contact.

 

I have really grown to love him. he is so dear to me. Last week we got together, and I do not know what came over me. I told him how I felt, asked him if he ever had sexual thoughts about me, or was flattered by my attention. he freaked, said he felt like running away, that I had broken the ground rules of our friendship, that he did not have any thoughts toward me except friendship. Problem is, he gazes into my eyes, acts so hppy to see me,etc.

 

Now I feel terrible. I just want him back as a friend. he says he needs to think about it. What should I do?

[MyNinja]

wow i am soo sorry that this happened to you

 

guy/girl friendships are really tough to have because one develop feelings for the other and vice versa. it seems you though this friend of yours was thinking of you more than just a friend and it turned out that he wasn't. Now the friendship is rocky. ouch

 

Have long talk with him out the entire situation. tell him that you just misinterpreted the feelings he had for you, sucha s the eye gazing and didn't know what came over you at the time? i really don't know what you were thinking about the entire situation, only you know, but tell him everything and how you just feel bad about it and don't want the friendship to end because of something you said to him. i know this is soo awkward for you,...it was awkward for me just reading it! i really don't know what to say besides to talk to him about it and pray for healing. the friendship may not be the same and there may be some scars but it's probably better than losing the friendship altogether

[DN]

I think it would be a good idea to e-mail him and apologise. Tell him you would like him to forget what was said. Then give him the time he needs to think about it.

 

Two points, if I may:

 

Are you sure it is a good idea to be seeing a man even as a friend in secret? That could surely backfire big-time on both of you.

 

If you are developing feelings for another man, perhaps you should be concentrating more on making your husband your best friend and start working a little harder on your marriage.

[discordant_verse]

It doesnt matter how you think he feels about you, there is a line in the sand that shouldnt have been crossed.

 

What doing now? Let him mull it over. But lets get this straight, he's married. If you cant handle yourself, its best you back out of the relationship irregardless of how you feel about him.

 

You know what? Perhaps you are spending way too much time and energy on this guy. Energy that should best be invested in your own spouse.

 

Regards

DV

[DragonGirl724]

wow i am soo sorry that this happened to you

 

whats to feel sorry about? she got herself into this mess...

 

ok heres the deal. for one id be more concerned that youre hiding people from your spouses. that more than likely means lies occur frequently, or as frequently as you 2 used to see eachother. not good! trust is the foundation to every relationship...well, every HEALTHY relationship. so once the foundation is crumbling on one side, its bound to callapse entirely. so maybe theres an issue here within your marriage that isnt fulfilling everything you want 100%...is there no thrill in your romance with your husband? what is the deal? figure that out first & foremost then deal with this guy afterwards. he too has to think over the same thing!

 

now to explain why this dude jetted...well, he has a problem with controlling his behavior, he said so from his dirty past. well, he has a bad track record & has big trouble resisting temptation...and what are you doing?? tempting him! putting these sexually arousing thoughts into his head...yeah, no wonder why he bailed.

 

if i were you i wouldnt put him before my own husband. you are in a marriage you both took a vow to love & honor eachother for as long as you both shall live..which is far from whats going on right now by having these secret rendevous' & fantasies with this other guy. so wake up & speak up. talk to your husband & work on whats most important in your life. then figure out the rest. and your little 'friend' over there needs to do the same.

 

-DG724

[boredguy]

hmm i have to say this is the first time i have seen a post with a female who fell for the male. i always thought us males were the ones who cracked first....sorry im not really helpin...jus an observation.