No longer a Black Widow, I guess.

[polynated]

Hello everybody!

 

Well, it looks like last week was my final week of mourning so to speak, about my 1st true love, which really hurt me and terribly broke my heart. It was a 2 year relationship, which was long-distance, and then I went over to another country to see the guy, lost my virginity to him and then got myself completely broken as we went down hill and terribly hurt each other.

 

The break up was in August 2004...now it's March midway 2005 and I can now honestly say that a couple of days ago I woke up and wasn't hurting anymore. And more to that, I realized that I actually kind of liked this new guy who's in my class at college! 8) (and there I was thinking I'd never like anyone again; had this plan on being a Black Widow all my life and joining my lost love in the after life ).

 

It's strange to think that my 1st love was going to be The One...I thought he was my soulmate, my Everything...but now, it's like I'm changed and I realize that I have gone through an experience that most people go through - (looking at this Cyber Community for example).

 

I feel like I can be with another person again, that I can actually be intimate with someone and perhaps start trusting people once again. I hope I won't get so terribly hurt though, as it happened 1st time round.

 

I have a few questions though for you guys:

1) How has your outlook on relationships changed after you healed after a breakup and started seeing other people?

2) Did you eventually find someone who you love more than your 1st true love?

3) Was it hard to trust again?

 

 

Thank you!

 

And everyone who is going through tough times - I say: Listen to your songs, go over the memories, watch those movies you watched together...do that how ever many times you wish, because in the end you'll realize that those things from the past don't cause you that much pain anymore. It's better to face your pain than run away from it! It's like exorcism - once you get through it - you can really move on.

 

Peace.

[tanned_production]

This is definitely a situation I can relate too.... WOW!!! I have been exactly where you are. I'm only 16... but i know what it feels like to get your heart broken.

 

My ex... I dated him for 2 months.... I trusted him, spent a lot of my time with him... talked to him about EVERYTHING!! He asked me if I wanted to have sex..... originally i wanted to wait until marriage .... but I gave in, because I loved this guy so much, and i wanted him to be happy. 2 days later, he dumped me. shattered my heart.... it felt like i couldnt breath. ive been there !!

 

to answer your questions....

 

1. After my ex dumped me... i raised my standards. the guy i dated HAD to treat me with respect... and ultimately be everything that i was looking for . i was more careful.... not so vulnerable... and approached the relationship differently.

 

2. YES! I found someone I love more than my first love. I am with the most amazing guy right now.... he treats me with respect... and love. he puts me before himself... we have something really special.

 

3. After my ex broke all his promises to me..... had sex with me and dumped me... it was SOOO difficult to trust again. brad (my current boyfriend) proved himself to me..... so i began to trust, but it was definitely one of the hardest things to overcome.

 

Thats my little story for you....... if you want to chat, PM me, ive been in your shoes before. you sound like you're doing awesome though!! and i agree about facing your pain... that was how i moved on.

 

good luck with everything! you'll find someone AMAZING. I promise! =)

[polynated]

Thanks for the reply, tanned_productions.

 

 

Well, it wasn't a breakup about us sleeping with one another, really...I mean it was long-distance, I'm from NZ and he's from Australia. I met him while he was down here visiting a friend. We met, "clicked" and communicated through Internet for about a year and a half or so.

He kept on telling me to visit him in Australia, so I got a job, saved up $$$ and went over there. It was quite sort of "magical" being with him...but then when I came back, things changed...I guess I decided to finally speak up about things which I found wrong in our relationship...and so we started fighting about some trivial things.

 

Looking back, I think the realtionship was largely driven by me - I mean, he liked writing to me, calling me...while I actually wanted something more real - I was planning on moving to Australia and actually having a "normal" realtionship so to speak, because distance for me began to be very hard and 8 days that I had with him proved that we were better being together, than in different countries.

 

Anyway, when I came back - we split up - he thought I was dumping him even though I wasn't...then we got back together, and then he dumped me with a "F***k you!"...so I got a ticket to Oz and flew there the day after...terrible experience was had. I basically spent most of the time in his friend's house and he had university so only invited me over to his house for one night. *I was there in order to save the relationship, but I failed.*

 

The next day I decided "enough, what am I doing here?" so flew back to NZ. After that we had another fight through Internet - he sent me a long email calling me various names and saying he never wants to see me again.

 

That was last year. In January 2005, after some months of silence he contacted me via a LiveJournal (an internet journal online, which he found through his friend's page where I left a message with a link to my journal) - comments were anonymous but I knew it was him - he just wrote a few lines which sounded all "friendly" and "nice" but ended it with a "ciao!"...

 

that was that. I haven't heard from him since January 2005 this year.

 

I was waiting for him for quite some time - like a proper email from him or something...but nothing.

 

And just a week ago I realized that maybe I no longer need him anymore. I am fine now, being on my own and looking to meet someone entirely new. 8)

 

And I am currently attracted to this new boy in my class. So, that might be just an attraction/flirtation but I spotted him in my first year of college 2 years ago and never spoke to him until now...and now that I have, I am all "YAY!" and the chemistry between us is quite strong when we are not communicating...so hopefully something will work out between us. If not, I'll keep on moving through life. I feel stronger now.

 

And your BF Brad sounds really nice - I hope you don't get hurt like you did before. The other guy you dated sounds like a total loser though - sorry if you had feelings for him - but some people can be like that, huh? I hope he learnt his lesson by now.

 

All the best for you! And I'm at email removed on MSN.