Exhausted!

[lilgizmo]

Help! So emotionally and mentally drained. Need some clartiy to make a long story kinda short I have posted about my relationship problems and worries before. In this relationship I have been through infidelity which happened in November ( I caught him) which lead to trust issues and inscureites as well dealing with issues with his porn obssession and his ex girlfriend which left me even more upset and insecure. The infideltiy he expressed how sorry and his mistake and his feelings of deepest love for me. but always either denied or got defensive with the other two problems in the relationship which were always left unsatisfying with me. Since November I have fallen into a depression because of the fear of worry. In the last past month I have threatened to end the relationship three times each time taking him back. This third time in which I did it on Wednesday I told him all my worries how I check his phone to see how many times he calls his ex and his text messages to her all the porn he downloads and how it is making me sick. How I am unhappy and yet I continue to let him get away with it. He pleaded that he had been faithful and that his ex is just friend and that he just likes porn I told him I needed time away. You would think that after all the pain he has caused walking away would be easy, but their are emotions and feelings and love is blind and I have a big heart and although from past experiences hope has only lead to disappointments I still forgive, so last night I decided to see him and find some closure after four days of not seeing him but he had left many messages of how much he missed and loved me. I told him what would he do in my situation and that all signs point to me walking away he said he didn't want to lose me and that I was the best thing in his life and that he needed me. During this time he went outside to have a smoke while I took a look at his computer and found pictures like before in November I was devastated. When he came back upstairs I was like how could you! He said he was upset and thought the relationship was over and wasnt thinking and had been drinking. That she was just a friend and both of them were upset over relationship issues. That he was dumb and please forgive him. (it happened friday afternoon) after hours of him crying and pleading he admited he had a problem and needs help and that he will cut all communication with his ex and his friend( which he says is the first time anything sexual has happened between them). That he will erase all his porn and I can go through is phone and computer to make sure. That he knows he doesnt deserve me or another chance but to somehow give him a chance to prove himself. This is the first time I have seen him cry and open up the way he did but this is where I need help do I give him another chance and help him and hope to think this was the breaking point or am I being dumb and in denial and should somehow find courage and walk away from this situation . I do love him and want to help him. I am just so tired and just dont want to make another mistake I know this is just a brief summary and there is no way I could even come close to the depth of explaning everything or the entire situation. but anything is helpful.

[cleverme123]

I am in the same situation as you. My husband also sees his ex, she got a job where he works. He denies anything other than friendship. He calls her on his cell, comes home late and then pretends like all is okay. I ignore it all too. I am afraid to walk out but hate this as you do. I understand where your coming from so if you would like you can pm me.

[melrich]

The trust has gone from your relationship (with good reason). Your partner is a serial offender and IMHO is unlikely to change his ways in the long term.

 

So I think your choice is either accept that you will never completely trust him again and go on with the relationship and all that that entails, or take the pain now and end things.

 

Only you know whether you can continue to cope with your suspicions and his deception in the long term. Just don't kid yourself that these issues will go away because he says he will change. Words are too easy.

[OceanEyes]

Hi Lilgizmo,

 

You obviously do have a very big heart. I can understand that you've probably been through a lot with this man as well, so walking away isn't exactly the easiest thing. Of course, you will have to make your own decision about this, you will be the one to deal with your decision.

 

I would have been out the door a while ago. The trust is gone. He reaches out for any type of female companionship whenever he 'needs' it, regardless of how you might feel about it. I don't know this man, but he seems somewhat emotionally dependent on female attention (big warning sign).

 

During this time he went outside to have a smoke while I took a look at his computer and found pictures like before in November I was devastated. When he came back upstairs I was like how could you! He said he was upset and thought the relationship was over and wasnt thinking and had been drinking. That she was just a friend and both of them were upset over relationship issues.

 

If you trusted him, then this probably wouldn't have been much of an issue. I know guys who talk to female friends about problems they are having with their girlfriends, and it's usually no big deal. However, in your man's case, I really don't know what to tell you.

 

Trust is so important. I would never want to live in a state of perpetual suspicion, always wondering whether or not I was being lied to. Whether or not he changes, do you really think that you can look him in the eye from now on, and believe what he says? I think it's good that you want to help him, but it doesn't sound like he will ever change unless you let him do it -- on his own and because he wants to -- not because he's scared that you're going to tell him to buzz off.