Heart Chooses My Ex - What To Do With Matters of The Heart?

[Myknosis]

Five weeks after my ex left me, I thought I could find solace in the arms of another but it just wasn't there. Sure, the sex and companionship was there with this other person but I still felt very empty. I was the one dumped and I felt guilty. I was the one left behind and I couldn't find peace in the arms of another.

 

Now I am trying to break this whole situation down and trying to figure out why I am so affected by my ex and her "no contact" mode. I know her presense is everywhere and even see evidence of her around and the fact that she doesn't communicate with me just hurts me so deeply. How can someone just make a 180 degree turn and decide to leave, file for divorce, and make no contact? I think the longer you've been with someone, the harder it is to recover.

 

I know that I have to realize that I have to move on and realize that she is. I've heard everyone say that time will heal. It's true, but .... still hard.

 

There are many things that I can list that I don't appreciate about my ex. I even know that there are women out there that are 10 times more beautiful and communicative. So why do I get so impacted by her and what she does (or what she fails to do)?

 

My head says move on but I guess my heart still chooses her.

 

I hate the games, I hate the pain - and I know I must live for myself now. But my heart still can't catch up.

 

So what does one do with matters of the heart?

[Heretic]

Your heart will mend. You have to let it heal slowly. Don't try to fight your love, you'll just hurt yourself, her and people around you. Accept the fact you will probably always love her, don't go looking for love, it's not something that happens everytime. Go out have fun, understand that you won't find another girl like her for a while but that things can be better like this. She probably feels just as hurt but girls deal with things differently then guys.

 

In all my experiences girls let go much easier then guys do. They just are a tad more fickle.

[Ac143]

I just got out of a long relationship and pretty much ended it the way you described yours. I broke up with my bf and do not want to talk to him. No contact at all. There are many reasons for this, one for instance is he hurt me so bad that I don't want to even bother talking to him anymore. Two... that is just the way I deal with things. . I see it this way, if you don't see the person or talk to them, you heal a lot easier and faster. I don't know her reasons because everyone deals with there emotions differently. You also said that you can list many things that you don't like about her but you still can't move on. The only thing I can say to that is.....you love her and those things don't really make a big difference. No one is perfect! Anyway, you might not like the way she is dealing with this whole break up but, you can't do anything about that. If you guys are really meant to be then maybe one day but, until then go out have fun and try to move on!

Good Luck

[solstice48]

I have to agree with you about being with someone longer makes it more difficult to get over them. And, about them being able to make a 180 shift. Just before our 25th anniv in Nov. My wife says she wants to find herself, doesn't love me & wants to be on her own. She didn't have any problem with no cantact at all & here it is 5 months later our house is sold, our 2 sons had to find a place of their own & the house we had planned to retire to in about 5 yrs is on the market. The divorce was finial about 3 weeks ago, talk about a 180 & life changes happening fast I still have days wondering who I am. I think a lot men have a problem with guilt, I felt like you, I was dumped & went through the guilt stage also. I also believe that women do have an easier time of letting go. I guess its one of those mysteries but in my case she always saw things as black or white, no shades of gray. When she made a decision that was it no turning back. One thing you might find in all this is getting the chance to look over your relationship & see what was missing & to look at yourself, really look & try to see who you are inside. Its tough to move on & your probaly going to go through a lot more of uncharted emotions before you begin to see things more clearly. And, try as you might there's no way your going to change her decision, your brain will eventually have to overule your heart so you can move on & that takes time. Its also going to be tough to think just of yourself now but that's what you have to do. You have to believe you'll be ok no matter what & even though your life has changed it can be better.