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This is my first post...


I am here to try and figure out my feelings. I am in a same sex relationship with a woman I met online. We have been legally married for a year and half. We met on facebook, and I drove up to her home state which is in the Northeast, and I lived in the South. I picked her up, drove her back down here and we got married a couple of weeks later. I rushed into a marriage and it has kicked me in the face more than once. My wife when we first got married was drinking a bit and we would get into an argument and she would get physical with me. Hit me, punched, and pushed. I would go after her in self defense. Then shortly after the first few times, I would get very defensive and go after her before she go a chance to go after me.


My wife is not a horrible person, she had a very hard life, and has changed. I commend her for that. I still can't seem to get past it all the way. I still get very defensive, and there hasn't been a physical fight in a very long time, but its mostly yelling with a lot of anger in behind the words I say. And I ended up cheating on her with a girl I dated for a short time. Yes I am a piece of . My wife does not know, and hopefully will never find out. I am still in minimal contact with the woman I cheated with. I planned on leaving my wife for her, and of course as karma goes bite me behind. And my wife and I are still together. I feel like a horrible person. I have only once cheated out of revenge before. I had an ex about 10 years ago sleep with another girl from my home town, so I slept with is best friend then ended the relationship. Yes very wrong, but it felt at the time like I had to do something to get even.


Anyways the whole point of this post is to see if anyone else has had similar experiences and how you got through it. Some days I am so very committed to making it with my wife, then I have days where I just want to hide. I work in a field that I am held to a higher standard than the average person. I do not cheat, and I am not a wife beater. But I feel like both completely because I did it and I feel horrible. I will not tell my wife, and its only because she doesn't deserve to feel like that, even with what she has put me through.


I still have strong feelings for the woman I cheated with. I do love and car for my wife, and want to give it a go and really work towards something. I have failed as a wife and as a person....


The background on the woman I cheated with we dated a couple of years ago for a few weeks, and I fell hard. She said she felt the same and I feel basically just screwed around with my feelings. We did not have contact for a about a year, and reconnected on facebook and did the random hi and bye messages. She comes back from deployment at Thanksgiving last year, and asked me to help her get a job where I work. So I let her use me as a reference. So she started to ask to come to see me while I was at work, and we hung out a couple of times. I fell again, I was ready to divorce my wife, and move on. Then it happened again. She toyed with my heart and ran away. It hurts so bad every time I think about her and that she did it again. And I honestly feel like all she did was to help her get a job. But every couple of weeks since the end of February I would get weak and send a text. Finally after the last one I made up my mind to move on and try and make things work with my wife. Fully with out worrying about her. Well out of the blue she texted me yesterday "hope all is well." I am mad. I am pissed off. She sends me a text with no feeling in it whatsoever, but can claim she has strong feelings for me, and wanted to build a life. But yet I wasn't important enough for her to be honest with. Messed up part was, I moved on before I let myself get drug back in, and now I am hurting again.


My wife deserves better, I deserve better. And I am in love with two women.


I am a POS. Would you cheat on your wife/husband if they physically and emotionally hurt you in some way? I have emotionally abused my wife, and physically gone after her out of fear. We are both guilty of hurting each other, and I strayed from the marriage. I know what some will say I did was wrong regardless of the circumstances. Please tell me of some of y'alls experiences in this type of situation. I know what I have done is wrong, and I a cheater.


I am upset that I hurt my wife, and I got hurt.


I will not tell my wife, that is not an option.

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