I need male advice on how to get him back

[rainy soul]

well hope is officially over,

Lets just say that everything that I thougtht was real is over. I've just come back from our work function and found out from a mutual friend of ours that the ex has been sleeping with everyone in sight not every weekend but every couple of days...I guess thats it! He even slept with someone a week after we broke up! One week after being engaged for four years!!!???? It confirms everything...I meant nothing the relationship meant nothing...I've had it! If I had done something to deserve this then maybe....I'm finished being civilized to him, being the better man so to speak...its over...and to everyone else out there holding on to their true love just think of me and my "true love" what a joke!

[cassiana]

Dear Rainy Soul

 

I think your ex cared about you and probably still does. He never slept around when you were together. He made a commitment to you when you were both young and now he has a chance to mess around, see what he was missing. He will be like a kid in a candy store for awhile and then he will realise how shallow it all is and will want something maturer. I have a female friend who dumped her ex in a panic went off the rails for a year, got it out of her system and then came back.

 

He may or may not come back. I also feel that you had little confidence in yourself, you expected the distance to damage your relationship and in your own way you pushed him away.

 

If you want him back you must accept that he is gone. You must get on with your life. Study hard, socialise and do some dating. Keep in contact with him. If he rings be friendly. Email him a few jokes. Never bring up the past.

[Adventurer]

Wow! Your situation and feeligns are so close to what I am now experiencing that I had to register and reply! To give you some background. My "estranged" husband has worked overseas for the last year and a half (overseas tours have always been a part of our relationship). During this time I sold our home and moved myself and our two young children around the world to lvie in a place close to him (jint decision). We can't live with him as he works in a war zone. Last Ocotber he was home on leave and I discoverd emails between him and a co worker that had escalated two weeks after he had left us follwoing the big move. An emotinal affair. Anyone who tells you taht an affair needs sex needs to do their homework - it was and is devastating. So far from the person who I have known and been with for ten years. We decided to move on and he was very remorseful but confused. He maintained contact with this woman under the auspices of work though I was always upset when the conversations turned even slightly personal. At Christmas he had again become distant and I was angry. Unfortunately I was also pregnant with our third child! He had said that we needed to talk when he came home but avoided any conversation. When he returend three weeks later I did the "that's it I want a divorce". I meant I wanted him to show that he cared about our relationship, but boy he sure bolted for that open door. I went through the same emotions you guys ahve been discussing - baraining, denail, angry (lots of). He still refuses to discuss anything though is now calling his sons once a week. I will next see him again when he returns just prior to this baby's birth. I can't understand how he can be so cool about this. How ten years and a family means nothing. No contact is impossible as he need to cotact the kids and arrange monthly support payments (the only honourbale thing he is doing). While the logical side says let it go, the preganant hormonal side and another whole part of me also wants him back. Boy the grief is at times visceral even after alll these weeks. Moving between anger and depression. I am scared to death of seeing him in July. The last thing I need when I am about to give birth is for him to sit me down and ask for a divorce (which he has indicated he will do).

 

A week after he said he wanted a separation he was telling me to move on. What is that??!!

 

Is this a guy thing? Can someone be in such complete denial of a whole ten years of their lives? It is like he is a whole different person.

 

It is doing my head in!

 

Anyway, I thought it was simialr and I sure could identify with alot of those feelings.