Help me to free myself

[repairingme]

First of all I want to say that I know this is totally up to me to deal with, I mean it's me who has to move on but I don't know how fast I can do that, and I need it to be fast.

 

I've been with someone who is completely confused, they don't really know what they want. She doesn't know if she's a lesbian or bi or whatever. She's completely confused about her orientation and wants. On top of that... she's also a schizo, not the "fun" type ... Schizo with doctor's papers, actually even doctors don't know what she is (Kinda funny). They're still trying to figure that out. Anyhow, on the story....

 

Been on and off in this relationship with one major break up 2.5 months ago, (One fact is "change of medication" and then hell broke out) she had to fill the void, she started dating someone else quite soon (in my opinion) which HURT like a knife in the heart... she later dumps him and comes back to me, she was thinking about me and she told that other guy, she messaged me while we were in NC and her being into a relationship with that other dude to see how I was doing (I didn't answer)... The she dumps that other guy because she decided she wanted me back

She told me she loved me that it was a mistake and that she regretted about it... that she realized how she hurt people and all the rest.

I fell for it and took her back.

 

Now not even a month being together again, she broke up with me (Guess what? They changed her meds again right before this happened). The beeped up part of this story is that she told me she loves me, she told me I'm on out of 2 people she ever fell in love in her life, blah blah blah she told me everything that indicates feelings towards me and even showed them, I was her first as well (Remember Lesbian/bi/whatever - I'm a man). Now a week later after our 2cnd break up, I start getting hints that she will go back to that other guy... but to whom she'll go back to is not imoprtant. The problem is that she WILL go to someone else sooner than she should. There must be a cool down period in my opinion. I've seen enough to know how she acts but I can't tell why she acts like it. I called her today trying to tell her not to rush and go elsewhere to let some time pass... I did that to protect MY feelings and whoever would get involved with her next feelings.

SHE WAS COLD AS ICE (Same as last time), she talked disrespectfully not wanting to hear anything telling me that she's the boss in her life blah blah blah. But ... that boss is a bad boss, she just goes on hurting people.

 

 

Is it the meds? Is it just how she is? The point is that I was certain what she felt was true but she keeps doing these crazy stuff that completely confuse me.

 

I would like opinions on her behavior and on how I can break free of my feelings towards such a person. She def doesn't woth it but I can't help it.

I'm here torturing myself while she will "move on".

But not really... i can see her calling in the future and I'm afraid I will be weak again. I need advice on how to move on and I would also like to understand her behavior.

 

Please help me.

[optimism145]

I'm so sorry you're hurting. Unfortunately, you can't control her actions, you can only control your own. You have to know your worth and you have to be able to walk away from something that is toxic. You seem pretty aware that this relationship is not what is best for you and is no longer making you happy. Know that it is going to be difficult, but you can do it. Stay strong and surround yourself with the people who love and support you the most. Good luck