So far gone

[last exile]

I'm in such a deep mess Idk how I'm going to get out! I do have to warn you this is going to be a long story but worth the read if you have any great advice to give! I've been with my boyfriend for 10yrs! Its a great relationship or so it could be great if only he'd move out of his mom's house! We recently got caught "expressing" our love in and on a very "common" place of the house and I don't think I can ever show my face in her home... rather he pays rent or not its still her house! We are deep in our 30's and I have 3 kids of my own and with each passing year it gets more depressing. I can admit my fault on my behalf on why we haven't gotten a place together because I'm just finishing school and now able to find proper employment but this still doesn't explain why he who had the same well paying job since he got out of high school is still living with his mom he's 3yrs shy of 40! But here's where things get messy... I kinda gave up... on him. I've been in another relationship for over 5 months. It wasn't suppose to go this far but I actually fell in love with the fact that he has his own place, and it was a peaceful and quite and happy feeling. I've been struggling with 3 kids I was even was homeless a few yrs back and now I live with a family member that has stressed me and my children out to the point of manic depression! But for the first time in forever I felt like a real woman in a real relationship that is actually going somewhere! This new guy has a plan and real life goals that are parallel to mines he even includes my kids! My boyfriend has never once told me a realistic goal in the 10yrs we've been together. He actually gets mad when I talk about getting a home or marriage. Tbh I haven't progressed in life because I'm so caught up trying to pare my life with his but he hasn't done anything towards this relationship in years. He hasn't seen nor showed interest in my kids in 3yrs! The most beneficial thing he does for me is pay my cellphone bill (and that I can do for myself) And tbh I barely don't anything financial for him because A) I have no job I currently live off child support and B) I feel weird helping a man who makes more than enough (just 5-6 pairs of his sneakers is a 3 day vacation at the beach) and lives with his mom? Though if I have it I do give it to him! But... yeah I'm drained and so ready to take on this new guy who is so deserving of my attention. My kids are tired of him too! But the fact that I invested 10yrs of my life and I do love hin has got me stuck. He is in love with me but lately I think he just loves the idea of me. I now have my goals and priorities in order thanks to the new guy I finally have real direction in my life and I am so excited to see where this goes I'm ready to move on but I don't know how? How do you go on without someone you've been planning your life around for that long? I mean how? I hate that I'm making him out to be this awful man but I feel like a "girl" in her early 20's with no kids and no current life goals (kinda like me when we first started dating) would be prefect for him he can be a prefect man under different circumstances? If I leave his heart will be broken. How can I give him one last chance to fix this or lose me for good? Or is this relationship even worth saving?

[CyntralTime]

It is obvious he isn't ready to give up living at home with his mother. He is comfortable where he is. It is also obvious getting married isn't on his radar. You have to decide if you want to continue to stick around.

[Liraele]

Gaaah. Spaces. Paragraphs. Makes things so much easier to read.

 

You've been together for 10 years and he still lives with his mom? That would be a red flag for me. UNLESS - he has to be there to be her primary caretaker. To me, it just sounds like he likes the ease of life that comes from it...

 

You kind of already made your decision...you got involved with someone else.