Just curious.

[Empathy]

I was reading some of the posts and something sparked my curiosity. When is a good time to get married? No, I'm not thinking about getting married. I know I'm too young. I just want to know what length of time (in your opinion) is good to date someone before marriage becomes a possibility. I'm just curious as to how different people view this subject.

[DN]

well, the short answer is when you are mature enough to know you are both ready.

[SkyFire]

Il consider it in my late 30's and in the 40's.

[ComputerGuy]

I want to get married before I'm 30...and have kids before I'm 30. I want to be young enough to be able to spend time with my kids when they are teenagers, not be too old to be able to do the things I'd want to be able to do.

[PAdreamer]

Hey! 19 is NOT too young! Hehehe! I never consider age, and ALWAYS consider maturity. IF you are both mature enough to at least understand and fully accept all of the responsibilities of getting married, then it's right. Too many people think of marriage in terms of the wedding! It takes patience and planning to have a wedding. It's takes hard work, passion, love, and dilligence to have a marriage. You have to TRULY ask yourself some questions before you get married:

 

1. If this person NEVER changed either way, could I spend the rest of my life with them?

 

2. Am I truly, honestly positive that my love and passion for them will not fade anytime soon?

 

3. Do we really want the same things for our future?

 

There are a lot of other questions to ask yourself, but those are some good questions to start with. Getting married is a really scary thing, and it is NEVER easy. You are changing your entire life. If you can truly handle that, then that is a good sign that you're ready.

[passions1]

If you're asking when is a good time to date seriously? Then perhaps it would be once you have the basics: steady career, home, strong support network of family/friend & of course the developed maturity to handle yourself in the tough situations. I know that fertility drops exponentially downward once you hit the mid 30s. That is perhaps why most people get married by late 20s to early 30s. So in the meantime, as long as you keep yourself healthy lifestyle of diet/exercise, then the age number will not be as significant. But go when you feel ready & not what other people tell you. In the meantime have fun meeting new guys & discovering more things about yourself along the way. So that you will know what kind of guy is compatible with you or not in the long run.

[justagirl20f]

I'd always thought I'd be in my 30's but my BF is 7 years older than me and approaching 30 already. If I was in my 30's he would be over or approaching 40 so he'll probably want to marry within the next 5 years (I'm 22 now so before I am 28, and before he is 35)

 

I think it's a maturity thing too. Both of us have had very long, but young relationships inwhich marriage wasn't an option. Now, being older, we could technically be dating for a shorter period of time than we have dated others in the past, but still be ready for marriage sooner.

 

I hope that makes sense?

[RayKay]

I think it has a lot to do with the maturity of the couple, the maturity of the relationship and just knowing it is right.

 

I think that both people have to have the same approach to marriage - know that it is not always a honeymoon and it is not a way to "fix things" (ie to "keep" someone from straying for example).

 

I think that if both people have shared goals and values, are aware of all the nitty gritty. Such as: finances, do they want kids, how many, will someone stay home with them, how are they going to spend their vacations, free time, are they able to understand their partners need to golf every Sunday, or train every day for another sport, how do they resolve issues/fights, how do they communicate? Do they have fun together, but are also able to work together with the common goal of a successful marriage? What happens if they have problems - can they be both open to counselling? And on, and on, and on. I advise that couples even when they have NO problems that they can see, should get premarital counselling to work on their communication and develop healthy marriage skills.

 

So, I don't really think you can go based on time alone. Some people can be with someone for years and never want to get married, for some it can take a LOT shorter time frame to know you want to marry one another - but it is about more than chemistry if you want that marriage to LAST. Generally as people mature and have more life experience/relationship experience they are more likely to marry sooner when the right person comes along as they are aware of what they want/need and whether the person is the right one or not.

 

And....marriage is SUPPOSED to be forever, so choose your partner wisely - make sure they are a complete person and that you are with them for the right reasons! And that they are with YOU for the right reasons - but usually when it is someone right, you just know

 

As for me, I am now 25. It is only the last year or so I felt more ready for marriage in the theoretical sense, because of enough life experience and truly an understanding of who I am and where I am going...knowing I was TRULY ready to share my life with someone. And it has only been the last 3-4 months where I knew whom that person I wanted to share it with WAS...and I knew very early on in our relationship that he is the one for me

 

But I am in no hurry, things will happen as they happen and I will enjoy

each day...but if someone were to ask my "hypothetically" I would say that I really want him to be the last man I am every with

[PAdreamer]

I have always wondered... I know that MOST people ask themselves this question, and one of the things they say is that they want to be financially stable before they even CONSIDER marriage. I understand that, but I have always thought that it can be sort of an unrealistic expectation at times. Part of it depends on what is stable in YOUR opinion. MY fiance struggled with this for a while- he wanted to already be at a place where he could support a house and a family before even seriously talking about marriage. But for me... I think I really threw my butt into gear and got mature about my money and all that stuff ONCE we were engaged. Even now, we'll both sort of waste money on things we don't really need, but we're much more careful about it now than we were in the past because we have a definate goal and we know that we definitely need to be saving.

 

I'm rambling... I guess I just think that, even if you really want to be financially stable before getting engaged, MOST people will still be a little relaxed with their money because there's no definates. I don't know if that makes sense, LOL!