Why can't relationships be easier.....

[practical33]

Well I don’t usually post things like this, but I can’t seem to find someone to give me some “real” advice. So I have been married for 11 years now, and the relationship isn’t the same. We do not have kids, we have dealt with 4 miscarriages in the past 8 years and they have been hard. Let me start off by saying that, I have not been the perfect person in my past. I did some things that I wish I could take back, it brings pain to my soul that I did the things I did (example so no one gets the wrong ideas, I wasn’t faithful when I should have been). I have been good to my wife for the past 6 years (as far as being committed to our relationship and being good to her), because the person I was before was not who I wanted to be. I told my wife what I had did about 6 years ago, and it was tough. She took it hard, and I expected her to because I was a bad person. I gave her the option to go on with her life, because she didn’t deserves someone like me. Especially with everything I had put our relationship through. She chose to stay with me. She said that she loved me, and I was what she wanted even after everything I told her. The relationship had been going pretty well after that, your occasion fights (once a month or so) about the things I did, but I expected that. We had been spending more time together, and I could tell she was really interested in just me. She was always posting on Facebook about me, saying that she had a good husband, that she loved me very much. About 9 months ago, my wife started to do things that she doesn’t normally do. For example, going out more, trying to be more active, Facebook/Instagram being just about her etc.… I see nothing wrong with it, because I wanted to trust her. I gave her the benefit of a doubt that she wouldn’t do nothing to hurt me. About 5 months ago, I caught her having an affair on me (started seeing messages, and she confessed about some of it. Took a while to finally hear the whole story). I was devastated, but at the same time I deserved it. I had done it to her more than once, and you reap what you sow. I truly believe that. So I knew that I was getting punished for what I had did. She tried to continue to lie about it, but I knew because it was the same type of stuff I would do and did. She blamed the reason she did it, was because I did her bad and wasn’t there for her. The crazy part about it, is that I would ask her “hey let me go with you, or do you need to talk”. She would say everything was fine, maybe sleep with me, then go out and do her thing. After I found out, she tried everything to tell me I was a liar but I knew. You just have that instinct sometimes. After everything came out in the open, she couldn’t decide what she wanted. She would try everything to try to talk to him, or try to see him behind my back. I couldn’t understand why she wanted him so bad, and not me anymore. I stressed every day because, I could tell she didn’t know what she wanted in life. I told her if that is what makes you happy, then that’s what you need to do. She didn’t want to, because this guy had a no job, no car, no career and nothing to show for himself. Not to talk bad about the other guy, but he had multiple baby mommas and he couldn’t even be there for them. The thing that I couldn’t get, was that she told me he was out seeing other females while they were “seeing each other”. I just don’t get why you hate people that are like that, but would find a man that was doing the stuff I did in the past and worse. She really fought for this guy, and she didn’t fight for me….Was that a sign? After everything and the talks we would have she said that she would put that part of her life in the past and move on with me. So I was excited that she would chose me. I tried doing even more things with her. As far as taking her out more, showing her more respect as a woman, telling I love her every day, basically everything that would bring our relationship closer together on top of what I was already showing her. It has been 5 months since the incident and the relationship just doesn’t feel right. I have tried to spice up our sex life, with being more spontaneous, and bringing toys into the mix to make her happy. Everything I am doing, does not seem to work though. I have made so many attempts to tell her how I feel about our relationship, but she seems to not understand. I can honestly say that I have grown as a person, and want to be successful in all aspects of life. I have a good job, a nice car, and house. Everything I feel a man should do for their woman. I don’t think it’s enough for her. She doesn’t work, we don’t have kids, and I take care of her. I tried to ask her if she wanted to go to school, and she told me she wanted to….5 months ago. She has not made an attempt and keeps giving me excuses on pushing it farther out. I really want kids, I mean big time even if it’s just one. At times she will say, I don’t want kids anymore, are you still going to love me or we can adopt in 5 years…. I don’t know what to say, I mean I am 33 years old with a stable income and I’m ready. I just don’t feel our lives are headed in the same direction but I do try to let her know what I do want in life. I tell her that I would like to be debt free, have a family. I told her if we can’t have kids, I would love to adopt. She agrees with me, but I just don’t feel like she really agrees (if you get what I’m saying). I understand that she is frustrated that we don’t/can’t have kids of our own, but there are alternatives in this case. I think if you want something you try hard to get it. I really do try hard too. I get up for work every morning on time and bust my butt to provide for us. I don’t make excuses because I know if you don’t work, you don’t eat. Maybe I am thinking too much about it, but I really love this woman and would do anything for her. It’s just that I feel she loves me, but isn’t in love with me. I have talked to her about the way I feel, and recommended counseling but she doesn’t want that. I feel bad saying this, but I think that we have grown apart. I love her, but I feel like she stays with me because it is easier. I am the one that takes care of her and everything that comes with it. What do I do at this point, I am afraid if I tell her I am done she might try to do something to herself (because I have seen her get that way). Don’t want to throw too much of her business out there. I just don’t know what to do. My mind is so confused, I mean is it me. If you have some advice please let me know. Don’t worry I have pretty tough skin, I know that I am not a saint and no were near perfect…but I really do try hard. If you did read this whole thing I do appreciate it. Sometimes just putting everything down on paper is easier than letting the words come out of your mouth.

[DoF]

Nothing is easy. Especially relationships.

 

Any relationship you might have in your life with another person (family, friend, loved one, employer) is HARD work and requires a lot of effort.

 

Welcome to real world.

 

Love relationships are the hardest of them all!!! If they were easy, they wouldn't be as appealing.....nothing is, once easy.

[practical33]

Your right about that, thanks!