Newly separated, how to beak it on he kids.

[Johnny Anony]

dealing with my pain has to take a back seat, my children have gone though a very traumatic year with all the fighting. My wife and I have separated, I'm out of work, she works, we have to maintain a positive arrangement for childcare while she does work So we don't both sink. We are not sure how to break this news to the children, as far as they know dad is in the city looking for work. We are not sure if just keeping the split from the kids, and just proceeding as normal positively is the best idea, or if some communication to regards to this separation is better. Anyone have any advice?

[adviceplease2]

The kids know more than you think they do. Don't hide it from them.

[surfdiva]

It's true, the kids know way more than you probably think they do.

 

For my situation, we kept it very simple, no details (my ex cheated). Daddy and I will always love each other, we love him (son) and that will never change. We took the change slow and gradual. When his dad moved out, our son stayed mostly at our house to keep his routine "normal", we slowly added a day and here to stay with his dad, we're now on a week on, week off.

 

Good luck to you!

[DoF]

This is great news for them. It means they don't have to watch/see their parents go at it anymore. And not be around unhealthy/negative atmosphere.

 

As long as BOTH parents remain active and involved with the kids, parents being together or not plays a VERY small role. Just be a good dad and be around as much as you can, rest will be just fine.

 

Remember, what you and your wife had was VERY unhealthy for them. WAY more unhealthy than "the news" you are about to break to them. You should also explain it as such!

[Clinton]

Difficult as it may be to do, you have to tell them. Try to strike an empathetic tone and address the most important points right up front. Give your children the benefit of an honest—but kid-friendly—explanation.

• Tell the truth. Your kids are entitled to know why you are getting a divorce, but long-winded reasons may only confuse them. Pick something simple and honest, like “We can’t get along anymore.” You may need to remind your children that while sometimes parents and kids don't always get along, parents and kids don't stop loving each other or get divorced from each other.

• Say “I love you.” However simple it may sound, letting your children know that your love for them hasn’t changed is a powerful message. Tell them you’ll still be caring for them in every way, from fixing their breakfast to helping with homework.

• Address changes. Preempt your kids’ questions about changes in their lives by acknowledging that some things will be different now, and other things won’t. Let them know that together you can deal with each detail as you go.