I'm Not Attracted to Him...

[singlemother]

I recently left my emotionally abusive ex. The next week I started dating this really nice guy, but he is much older (20 years age difference). He is very attracted to me, but it is not reciprocated on my part. We are very compatible and have lots in common though. We just kissed last night and I hated it. I have no attraction to him and would rather be friends.

 

My mother seems to think I should eventually marry this guy because he can help provide a good life for me and my son. I will be graduating from college soon (less than a year), with a 3.8 GPA, several honor societies, and national awards. I can definitely take care of me and my son, but he could help provide "extras." Material possessions are nice, but not to this extent.

 

I think I should stop dating him; I doubt the attraction will ever be there. What are some of the opinions here?

[PrincessLinzay]

You can't help who your attracted to. It's difficult when you know that for all intents and purposes, they are everything you should want, you just......don't.

 

I think it best to tell him now that your feelings towards him have not progressed further than that of a friend. Tell him that you hold him in very high esteem and would love to remain friends, but you don't think you would be compatible in a relationship.

 

You were just recently out of a relationship, and perhaps trying to fill that void as quickly as possible. It's completely normal and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. You don't have to settle.

 

You sound very intelligent, and Im sure you could take care of you and your son with no problems. Material possesions mean nothing if you aren't happy.

 

Good Luck!

[annie24]

First of all, congrats on your achievements! Those are some very impressive achievments, and even more difficult while having to be a single mom. You sound like a great role model for your son. I agree with Lindzay. If you're not attracted to this man, you should just tell him you don't have the proper feelings to continue a romantic relationship with him. You don't want to lead him on - he has a right to be with someone who's crazy about him. It sounds like you'll have a great job one day, don't worry about the "extras." I bet in time, you will meet a man that you are very attracted to, and who will help you in achieving a more stable financial life with all the "extras." Good luck!

[Mentor]

I have been in almost the exact same position. I got involved with someone very soon after my last breakup. We were also very compatible, and she is such a sweetheart, but the attraction just was not there for me. I tried and tried, but the closer that we got, the worse I felt about being with her. Finally I decided that it was best for both of us if we separated. We broke up just last night. I feel awful, and have a lot of regret, but deep down inside I know that it was the only option for me. Carry the other choice forward to its logical conclusion. It did not sound like a good life for either of us. The sooner that you end it, the easier it will be on both of you.

 

Good luck!

[johnq]

Your mother should not be making a relationship decision for you. Follow your inner voice. A relationship should not be based on material possessions, especially for an educated and intelligent woman like yourself. Stay friends with this guy, maybe in time you could develop feelings for him, maybe you will stay just friends.

Best thing would be to meet someone you really love, and work together on obtaining the material things. 8)

[volution]

I agree ... possessions mean nothing if you have got no-one to share them with.

The funny thing with emotions, feelings and attraction - we can't turn them on at command. We can't just suddenly decide to feel attracted to someone, or love them - it just happens. Plus we can't just turn off our feelings on tap. It's one of the greatest mysteries of love and life, and perhaps is why it makes it so exciting when it does happen.

 

1 Week is FAR TOO SOON to truly get over someone and start a relationship with someone else. Especially if your ex played with your emotions.

I'm still not over my ex after almost 3 months, and she played with my emotions.

 

I also agree that others shouldn't decide things about your life or relationships for you. By all means listen to advice, but don't base your path entirely on what they say. It's your life

 

By all means remain friends with this guy - in fact this is a perfect juncture to find out his true colours. If he really is a genuine, good, caring guy, then he will underdstand when you explain to him about the situation with the ex. Explain to him it's too soon, you'd like to go a bit slower, that you were hurt etc. If he doesn't want to see you again after that - then HJNTIY (He's just not that into you).

It's crazy how many people will continue a relationship even if they don't feel any (or as much) attraction to someone as vice-versa. I believe it's down to the fear they won't find someone else similar or better.

 

 

 

Your mother should not be making a relationship decision for you. Follow your inner voice. A relationship should not be based on material possessions, especially for an educated and intelligent woman like yourself. Stay friends with this guy, maybe in time you could develop feelings for him, maybe you will stay just friends.

Best thing would be to meet someone you really love, and work together on obtaining the material things. 8)

[vitalcoaching]

Hi,

 

No need to make concessions. Trust your instincts!

 

Being with someone is a love and passion decision, not a mental, rational or practical one.

 

The first level of security you want to find is in love, not material.

 

You just ended a relationship which did not give you what you were worth.

 

Don't make the concession of aiming too low.

 

If you are not attracted, keep your options open and find someone you will truly get excited in dating.

 

You don't have to cut the contact all at once, simply stay in touch wth that man, find the exact way you can relate to him in a harmonious way (be firm with your boundaries) and keep on searching and dating other men.

 

Keep your options open.

 

YOU ARE FREE. If he behaves possessive, then put even more distance until he realizes he has no right over your life.

 

Remember, you are in charge!

 

You decide!

 

Will you meet someone better? Sure you will! Trust your instincts!

 

Good luck and enjoy!

 

vitalcoach