MisterPoppy Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 A girl who I'm dating and I got very close (cuddling, holding hands, hanging out, hugging, flirting, etc.) then she proposed we just be friends. I go along with it, but it doesn't last long... She kisses me and we're practically love birds. Seems things couldn't get any better. She, again, suggests we just be friends...for now...so that she can have more time for herself -- and get things, in her life, in order. This means, seeing less of each other and no kissing (I assume). I go on a week vacation and come back and things have started all over again. We're seeing a lot of each other. We basically do everything we did before...just no kissing. On Valentine's, I kissed her cheek and she kissed me back (on my cheek), then kissed me on my lips (simple and sweet). It sort of surprised me since she had just gotten a cold. So, now, I really want to kiss her. One day, she tells my friend that she almost kissed me, the next day, after we hang out, she tells me that she almost kissed me that night. I think that maybe she wants to kiss me, but doesn't want to give me her cold. Also, is it possible that she thinks she is getting to close to me, so she's back peddling? Time will tell, I guess...or at least until she recovers from this intrusive cold. Despite the cold, we're still hanging out. In fact, we cuddled on the couch tonight. Any tips/hints/suggestions regarding our relationship. If you have any questions, ask away... Link to comment
MetallicAguy Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 Basically before you got back from vacation you guys did too much together which makes women want to see less of you, when this happens give her some time and call her less/see each other less. She wants to french you though, I think thats what she means by "almost". But she doesn't want to give you her cold. Link to comment
MetallicAguy Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 To her I think it means nothing counts as a kiss unless it's a french. Link to comment
MisterPoppy Posted February 20, 2005 Author Share Posted February 20, 2005 Excerpts from the email she sent me, after she propsed we be friends the second time: "Please know that our time together is not over… maybe as more than friends it is. But I still feel very attached to you. You are a comfort in my life… a blessing." "I need to spend time developing myself into the woman I want to be. In order to do that… I see now that I do need to be myself. While we were together, I tried to focus some time on myself. But no matter what I did, I wanted to be with you. I missed you a lot when we were apart. I gave up on "myself" and wanted to focus on you… to spend every moment with you because I loved/love being with you. But with all this going on, I can't try to do both. So that is another reason why we can't be "together". I do need this time alone. I need to have time to see a counselor, to be with my family (as much as I hate being around them, I need to learn to cope with all that goes on), and to apply what I learn for my counselor to my life. When I have everything figured out, I know we'll spend more time together. But for now, I can't." "No you haven't done anything wrong… you're awesome, wonderful, gorgeous, hilarious. I know your hurting and trying to find out why this is happening to you. It's because of me. I'm sorry I dragged you into this mess called my life. I shouldn't have lead you on like I did. But always know that you're in my heart. You're very dear to me. " "Please know that I still want to see you… just not as much as we have done in the past. I'm so so very sorry." What do you make of that? Link to comment
MisterPoppy Posted February 20, 2005 Author Share Posted February 20, 2005 "So, now, I really want to kiss her. One day, she tells my friend that she almost kissed me, the next day, after we hang out, she tells me that she almost kissed me that night." I'm not referring to the Valentine's kiss. She is talking about two separate occasions in which she really wanted to kiss me, but held back. I told her I felt the same way... It just puzzles me why she is holding back... From an IM conversation: B says: i almost kissed you tonight T says: Really? I almost kissed YOU! T says: I came so close... B says: oh... how sweet B says: i wanted to... i really did but i don't htink i'm ready yet T says: Yeah, it's cool. T says: Don't worry about it. T says: There's a mystere looming in the air. B says: i know... but still! it's hard to control myself B says: you're so dang cute Notice how she says "yet". What determines when she is ready, is what I'm wondering...? Link to comment
MetallicAguy Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 Basically your her ecstasy; spice in her life. She says she wants to give up on you because you distract her from the rest of her life. She's not ready because she has some other s*** more important on her mind than you. Link to comment
peanut15 Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 She's confused and she' battling something within. Its almost like the line I was given by a guy I used to date a long time ago "I need to find myself". There was one word from the emails and the IMs that you have traded that bothers me and that's the word "comfort". To me that's not good...you are just there to make her feel better but she's not making you feel better...well when you take a broader look at the entire situation. She doesn't accept herself and in reality, how can you be in a relationship when you can't take care of yourself or accept yourself. Be careful because I do think you are setting yourself up for heartbreak. Link to comment
MisterPoppy Posted February 20, 2005 Author Share Posted February 20, 2005 Peanut - I think you may be right. Just before I left on vacation, she came over to my house to drop off some chocolates (in a heart shaped box that said "For Someone Special") and a card in which she wrote: "Thanks for being such a comfort in my life. I do miss you as much as I try to keep it hidden. Can't wait to see you again. With love, B" I don't know exactly what she means when she says "comfort". I know that she has heartfelt feelings for me, just as I do for her. We have a lot of fun when we spend time together -- that's the main thing... Link to comment
MetallicAguy Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 Comfort as in you take her off what she is worrying off, or what she is battling inside like what peanut said. Basically a positive feeling in her life. Sounds like she has depression to me. Link to comment
MisterPoppy Posted February 20, 2005 Author Share Posted February 20, 2005 Well, she often refers to hanging out with me as "escaping reality". She doesn't get along very well with her mom, she doesn't have a dad, she lives with 2 sisters, she works a lot and she doesn't like work that much, the dental classes she is taking are a drag...She's often worn... Huh, I never really took the time to realize that these could make for one unhappy, exhausted person. I can see why she would want to "escape," however, we all know that you can't run away from your problems...that eventually, we all have to face them. Her taking the time to address these issues and deal with them instead of "escaping" them meant that we would have to see less of each other... Link to comment
MetallicAguy Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 Basically she goes to you to because you enlighten her, because other than you she thinks her life is down the s***ter. Because look at it this way: She has no one to talk to, except you. Bad relationship with parents. Probably bad grades. Just keep "comforting" her, you'd feel like s*** yourself if everything was like a chore (working hard), and you had no one to talk to. I recommend you introduce her to God. Seems like she needs to do some praying, Spiritual power is a fantastic, effective way of healing through hard times. I know, I've done it. It works out great. Link to comment
MisterPoppy Posted February 20, 2005 Author Share Posted February 20, 2005 Well, her life isn't that bad. I mean, when I was on vacation, she told me that she studied with her sister every night and spent more time with her family. She's getting very good grades, by the way. She just gets exhausted. We are both actually L.D.S. We go to a religion class every Wednesday together. Actually, she even received a blessing that suggested she focus more on herself. I've been to church with her and I know that prayer and gospel study has helped us both. These are definitely alternate forms of "escape". Link to comment
MetallicAguy Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 Seems like she needs to calm down and slow down that work-a-holic habit. That's not good for her health if she has to "escape". From my perspective I think she takes life too seriously. Link to comment
MisterPoppy Posted February 20, 2005 Author Share Posted February 20, 2005 Seems like she needs to calm down and slow down that work-a-holic habit. That's not good for her health if she has to "escape". From my perspective I think she takes life too seriously. Yeah, she's constantly going. The only time she relaxes is when it's with me. ***And yes, she does take life very seriously. Link to comment
MetallicAguy Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 When you see her next time tell her to calm down and that it's not good for her health. If you say that, that coming from you she will take seriously and stop worrying and working her *** off. She doesn't have to stop working for good but just make her take it down a few notches lol. Link to comment
11flower Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 Hey MisterPoppy, Pardon me, but the "almost.." stuff just doesn't make sense. Why spend your precious time wondering whether the "almosts..." tell you anything at all. It sounds like the girl needs what she says she needs. If you like her, if you love her, give her the space she needs and see if she comes back to you. She is trying to figure her life out right now and sounds that she doesn't want any more emotional complication, since what she has now is more than enough. It sounds she likes you, that you could even be a potential eventual more permanent partner for her. But just not now. I'd try being as patient as possible. Keep praying about it. Keep befriending her. A friend is what she most needs right now. I bet that if you do, in time, she will have more room in her mind and heart for you and want to be with you, knowing you've been the best friend she ever had. 11flower Link to comment
MisterPoppy Posted February 20, 2005 Author Share Posted February 20, 2005 11flower, I think you hit the nail on the head. I'll let her call the shots. When she is ready, I'll be here...and our relationship will definitely be more stable because of it. So, I'll ease off, and be the friend she needs right now. Taking it slow, and being best friends will make for a healthier relationship given the current state of our relationship. Thanks, all, for the advice. Link to comment
MisterPoppy Posted February 21, 2005 Author Share Posted February 21, 2005 Well, I just had a rather dreary IM conversation with "B". Something is bothering her. B says: i'm just overly sensitive right now... today wasn't the best of days T says: Brighter days are ahead... T says: Rest assured. B says: i hope and pray B says: thanks B says: i'll get goin though... T says: Is there something bothering you? B says: call me tomorrow? B says: no, not really B says: i'm just being huanted by memories... ... T says: Yeah...there's a lot on my mind too. B says: yeah... how about we talk tomorrow? sound good, we can tell each other what's on ourminds... get it out I really hope we can resolve some things tomorrow. Brittany's been an enigma lately. There is a lot of commotion in her life right now...I hope I can help her see the good things and to just...enjoy and not worry/stress so much. I just don't know what I'm going to say, though...I just don't know what we are anymore...friends? More than friends? More than friends, but less than lovers? I don't know how to express myself without appearing too reliant on our relationship...any ideas? Link to comment
11flower Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 Sorry, M.P., But you're fretting over something that might be nearly impossible to change. I don't think you are understanding what it is I meant. If you need, however, to better define your relationship, ask her. Only she can determine this. And you. 11flower Link to comment
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