Goodbye...for now.

[Ontario]

I'm certain you all remember me mentioning my girlfriend Ashlee a while back. I worshipped the gal.

 

Recently, we broke up. She found another guy while I was sick last week and apologised to me after breaking up--she thought it was a stupid mistake.

Being really hard to anger, I smiled and told her it wasnt stupid. She's young and shouldn't quite settle down with a steady boyfriend yet.

 

The...conversation I had with her was a bit eccentric in itself. allow me to post an excerpt--screennames dubbed for security reasons.

 

 

(About this, we live in the same town, but in different parts of the rural areas. It doesnt help that she's in middle school and I'm in high school, either. We were so close and yet so far apart lately.)

 

Now to the advice part.

 

I know she broke up with me--that's strikingly obvious. But we left each other tonight on rather good terms. She kinda left the future open. We decided to still be able to talk to each other--keep our numbers and screennames...

 

What I want to know is...we still really love each other, we just grew apart. Do any of you think that there may be hope in the future for us getting back together? Don't get me wrong--I am upset about this. But I can't be mad at her--she's right, its hard when we hardly see each other anymore. And my friends think it's weird that I'm not mad at her for "cheating" on me. I put it this way--leaving her a few emssages after she left.

[MetallicAguy]

There's a possiblity but this thing one the quote where it says you and you say "Is it something i did?" and she says No, just a tip; That is a bunch of garbage. It was something you did or it was one of her flaws but in most cases when girls say that its something the guy did.

[Ontario]

That'd be great advice if it werent for a small detail you seem to have overlooked, friend--

 

She said yes to somebody who had asked ehr out. That was her flaw.

 

I never would have done such, had i the opportunities. What she said was the case, however.

 

Good advice, my friend, but not entirely thought through. NEXT!

[MetallicAguy]

Don't be afraid to let your anger out on a girl verbally (I mean don't make it like a drunk psycho verbal anger lol) and don't hit her either duh, but why lie it just makes it worse. If you would have let your anger out she probably would have stopped what she was doing, thought of it. And would regret doing it. I mean if you did "hurt her" then what the f*** are these girls going to do to you tell rumors like in Jr.High? lol.

[MetallicAguy]

Girls are pretty sensitive to our feelings if she knows how you felt about the whole thing in terms of anger, it'd be a whole situation I think you should tell her you were mad at her for cheating and just let it out. Say something like it crushed your heart, your heartbroken, etc. Then she'll regret it for sure.

[Ontario]

But then I'd be lying if i told her I was angry at her.

 

You really arent great at giving relationship-related advice, MetallicaGuy.

Allow me to rephrase again--

 

 

After Ashlee told me this, I was understanding. I wasn't physically present. School and my inability to drive got in the way of us dating. I told her I understood completely, and if Iw as going to be angry at anyone, it'd be myself for neglectig our relationship.

 

Think before you type. If I were you, and I SERIOUSLY suggest you heed this--until you can give some credible advice, refrainj from posting here again, and allow the more experienced people aide me, okay? Thank you.

 

Next, please.

[MetallicAguy]

Well, it's also 2am where I am on the East Coast, gimme a d*** break I'm just trying to help you out....go look at others problems I've seemed to help them out pretty well, doesn't seem like they're complaining about bad advice

[Ontario]

Yes, i realize it's 0200 at the moment. Also realize this--your advice, though run through a very weary mind--doesnt seem at all credible at the moment. I appreciate the effort, but it is time for you to move on and allow others to aide me if possible.

 

*impatiently* Next.

 

As a side note, yelling at a girl to take your anger ojut on her is NEVER acceptible. That is verbal abuse, and I will not stand for it.

[phil1981UK]

Man you gotta a bad attitude to people trying to help you, i'll be surprised if anyone else bothers... maybe ya attitude is why ya girl blew you off...

[Ontario]

I may seem to have a bad attitude, but I do not. The other gentleman tried to help, yes, but his advice borderlined and was suggestign verbal abuse, if you look closely.

 

NEXT please.

[lawandorder]

hmmm, I dont think he was telling you to yell at her. I think he is telling you to not be a door mat. To have pride in yourself and that you can express yourself to her. But I have never seen anyone say to yell with anger anything. this is a place to get advice. Not everyone will give the same advice and then you choose who to take it from and to use if anyones. but I agree with Wayne. If you blow off like this to her when she is just being honest then I can see why she is gone. Good luck man and I still wish you the best but remember the people on here are leanding a honest had as a response to your side of the story and just trying to help you out.

[sparkey]

She was with some other guy and your not mad about it ?

 

You have sat there and made up all the excuses you could for her. When she said it was nothing you did, that was a half lie.

 

She should have said it is something you didn't do!

 

That is stand up too her and tell her when she is in the wrong! It is not verbal abuse to let someone know your displeased with them or angry. If you rant and rave, use foul language and call her disrespective names, THAT would be verbal abuse.

 

Honestly, I think she lost respect for you! You have to stand your ground and be a MAN. Not some lame "its ok, its my fault not yours"

 

Let me guess, you have never lost your temper or displayed anger and because of this you think your better than otehr people? Being in control of your emotions is not the same as repressing them.

[LifePak]

I only skim thru the post but yeah, I actually found that rather strange. Guys who more easily forgive people are suppose to put up a front that they're angry when they are really not. Or that they have the ability to talk themselves out of anger, as being perceived as someone who has less of a stand. I also realized that's how people perceive others. Putting up a *stand* is just so absurd to those who have a bigger plan in mind.

 

It's just that we see things in a more long term perspective where if we act angry, then chances even being a friend will reduce. It's one of those d*** if you do, and d*** if you don't situation. I mean, to us, there's just no point losing a friend & gamble by acting angry. Yet, it's so true that that's how female will perceive a guy. It's very disappointing to hear that we're suppose to accommodate to their level of thinking, and act according to what she would have done, in order to be perceived as a strong person. So not worth it. So messed up. I guess i'm not exactly addressing to the poster's questions. I've only went on and on about something that has been bothering me.

[Ontario]

Gentlemen, i appreciate the opinions. Sorry for misinterpreting some. If only you knew her...

 

...geez. Well, i leave you noting the fact I left her a final note acknowledging that I understand and hope that things can improve.

[lawandorder]

Let us know what she has said about the note. Also remember that now you can go out with another girl and she wont be able to say much. If you want the company that is. Not saying to have sex but the company alone may help you cope with things.

[Ceema-k]

Ontario, you seem to be keeping a stiff upper lip and being very understanding of your break up with your gf..but as others have said, it's okay to feel angry, betrayed and a little jealous. It's normal, human emotion.

 

The problem for us to see the excerpt of your online chat is that your ex did spout all the usual 'break-up cliches'... one of which is the classic "it's not you, it's me". Having a break-up/closure conversation can be a good opportunity to get some of your own doubts about the relationship answered. If, for example, you suspected that you were neglecting your ex, you should probe harder to see if that really played a factor in the break-up.

 

Of course, girls may not know the real reason or admit it to themselves, so you may get the usual responses that people give to let their partners down gently.

 

There is, of course, the other option.. where you don't grill them about the Why's and the How's or repressing your disappoint in order to appear 'cool' with everything. There are some guys out there who never let girls see them sweat. If they feel they have been betrayed or wronged, they simply say, "cya, have a nice life" and go on with their lives. No furhter explanations are needed.. no extra good-byes and well wishes. They simply move on.

[Ontario]

Dont get me wrong, i am jealous, i do feel somewhat angry, but I have to say I'm proud of her for taking action in a relationship where we hardly saw each other.

 

I also blame myself for not being there for her all the time. But we have never had reason not to be honest with each other--and if she says that that was the reason, so be it, I believe her.

 

I've been clingy, I admit. I've not wanted to let go. I still don't. I figure, if she feels she wants to start ovwer again with me, I'm open to it. If not...I can get over it eventually.

 

Again, she and I don't hate each other, so it'll be fine just being friends. Just..hard, that's all.

[Belle]

ontario,

 

i got a chuckle out of your conversation with metallica. I actually agreed with you. He did seem to quickly advocate being something that you clearly aren't and what would turn off a number of women anyway. when you accept a breakup and back off, it tends to get people thinking anyway. they expect you to put up a big struggle and when you don't, they have no validation wahtsoever. Push pull effect.

 

But it is ok to be angry and jealous, it's just the way you express it. Clearly yelling isn't going to get you anywhere and it doesn't sound like your'e going to really talk to her about it again anytime soon anyway.

 

you'll be fine either way, you seem to havea good head on your shoulder.

 

NEXT

 

lol

[Ontario]

I should probably add...for the first day after hearing Ash tell me this, I didn't cry...

 

...until about 0300 in the morning that night (which was the next day). Expressing feeling is something I have no problem doing, I just supress it as long as possible. And this is with anything--from anger to annoyance. So, when I finally crack, it's a huge rush of emotion.

 

I was hysterical all of Wednesday.

 

It's suprising how, I wake up the next day, my mother tells me something very inspiring regarding my breakup, and I had a great thursday.

 

Never be skeptical of the word of your mothers, folks. They know something.

 

 

So, anyway.

 

 

Next!

[Ontario]

Hey, ladies and gents, I'm back with an update. But first, I would like to say thank you for helping me out in my time of need.

 

I talked to Ashlee today. She's been busy and thus unable to return my messages. Allow me to post another excerpt.

 

 

Whoa. I sat there for a moment, blinked, pinched myself, and what not. I had that kind of effect on her? Wow.

 

 

So, like I said, we don't hate each other. It's looking to be more of a break from each other, which helps us both. I can concentrate more on getting my dwindling grades up, and she can focus on her needs. It is likely that we may get together again.

 

Again, thanks for your help.