I hooked up with a married man. HELP!

[lilsmc]

Hello everyone. I am currently being trained to go to the military and these past few weeks me and my recruiter have gotten sort of close. He is always flirting with me and telling me that im beautiful and all those pretty things girls like to hear....BUT the thing is that he is married!!! A few nights ago, after i left the office, he called me and asked me to come back because he wanted to tell me something. I obviously knew that he wanted to do more than talking and I got kind of nervous but showed up anyway. I mean, nothing big happened, Just a few kisses here and there but that it all. Ever since that little episode he has been calling me constantly telling me that he wants to see me again... but i feel so guilty about it because he has a wife and what I did is so wrong!!!. two days ago, I told him that this can't happen because it just doesnt feel right to me.. and he stopped calling me. I mean, I know this is WRONG, but at the same time i am kind of starting to get some feelings for me. I dont know what to do!! Oh yeah there is also a big age gap between us. I am 19 and he is 29. I know nothing could ever happen because he leaves back to the west coast in may and i leave to SC in JUne. Please just give me some feedback. thank you

[RayKay]

Well, not only is he married so its wrong, but if he is your recruiter this is even MORE wrong - he can get into serious trouble with the military for this as could you. He is using his position of authority in a manner it is not meant to be used in and I am not entirely sure of the recruiter/recruit relationship (as opposed to instructor/recruit one which is against military policy and punishable) but I am sure it is not much different. I knew people in the military while I was in who were discharged for fraternization like that. It is one thing when you are not a recruit and start a relationship with another officer/non-commissioned as that happens once you get to a regular working environment, but as a recruit/student an instructor is NOT to get involved with you.

 

You know he is married so just stop being with him...it will only lead to heartbreak, lies and deceit. And is very bad for your karma...you are just as guilty as he is if you knowingly involve yourself with a married man. If he continues on like this, talk to another person in the chain of command to find a new recruiter/support through the process other than him.

 

Do you really think you are the only girl he has done this with? He is abusing his authority, and you may need to go to another person in chain of command to do something about it if he does not back off after you ask him too. He is taking advantage of you.

[Day_Walker]

If you know that something you did was wrong and decide to do it anyway just means that you have rationalized this action to yourself. You just need to make a decision as to what you are going to do, If you know its wrong then choose not to do it.

[sisterlynch]

I am not trying to disagree with the other people who posted, when all of us have a right to our own opinion.

 

I would first of all suggest that you get some counseling. I am also wondering if the military is a very good environment for someone that is young and vulnerable.

 

I am not going to say that what you did was wrong, you are not married, he is the one that called you in to the office, etc. If you make a habit of going for guys that are unavailable, then it is only going to hurt you in the long run, so make your choices wisely. Try and figure out what people want, and why they are treating you in a certain way before things go out of hand.

[tiger_lilies]

You do know that he is just out for sex and not a relationship right?

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

Tell him that this must stop immediately, or you will tell his wife. I mean, he shouldn't be cheating on his wife like that. Tell him directly that you will go to this wife!!!!

[lilsmc]

Well, He came to pick me up on valentines day because i had to go to the office to do some physical training. On the way there he tells me he got me something very nice...So he gives me the present and when i opened it There was nice and sexy lingerie!! I was like OMG! You are crazy!!, I told him that i couldnt take it because It's not right... and he is like well you are gonna have to take it because it's for you and i cant bring this back home. So blah blah I took it.. And then he tries to kiss me and all, but i told him that he has to stop. I mean, HE IS MArried!! and i dont want to start having feelings for him because nothing Will EVER happen and im going to end up Hurt!! AHHHH Well, thank you everyone for listening )

[RayKay]

He sounds like a dog. I stick to my previous post. He is abusing his position as a superior and a recruiting officer. You are not the first one he has done this too.

 

Take advantage of the resources offered by the military to find out your recourses and what you can do to get out of this situation.

 

And it is easy to not start having feelings for him, don't allow yourself to get in a situation with him. Keep it professional, and try and get another superior as opposed to him ASAP.

[mt_joy]

He's such a loser. Report him to his supervisors. I live in a military town and the Marine friends I have tell me it is practically illegal to commit adultery for someone in the military. You are beneath him in rank, correct? That is sexual harassment. his behavior is horrible and should not be tolerated. Do something about it now. If it were your husband, wouldn't you want to know what he was doing and have someone call him on it? He needs to stop because you're probably not the only one he has done this to. In his eyes, you're not special. You're just a young, warm body.

[lilsmc]

THank you everyone. I have put him down 3 times already and it seems like he doesn't get it. I told him that i dont want to have to do anything with him. I was like LISTEn, FORget the whole thing, i know im' gonna have to see you and all, because you are my recruiter, but lets just keep it at that level." I thought he would get the picture right... But what do you know, he calls me later on that night asking me why i wont get with him. He also made it very clear what he wants from me,,, but i don't want to have anything to do with him at all!!!. I mean, WOW! he is a very attractive man!!. but he is married!!! and that obviously doesnt bother him. HE IS A DOG!!! I was like "LISTEn, why dont you just leave me alone and talk to someone else" And he was like "YEAH i know i will, but after im done talking to you" I was speechless when he said that becuase he was all upfront about it. Hopefully he wont call me, but if he does than that's it . IM gonna have to report him!! Hes giving me no other choice right?

[London Uk]

He is giving you absolutely no choice whatsoever. He is quite simply abusing his position of trust and if he is not man enought to respect your wishes and persists in his inappropriate course of conduct then he does not deserve any support no matter how misplaced. I fear that if you do nothing - and of course avoiding him is the easy route - he will move onto the next pretty young thing. I fully appreciate that it is easy for people to moralize from a distance, and advise you to take a stand (after all none of us will have to do it for you) but this man is quite clearly abusing his trust, abusing his relationsship with his wife and undermining the authority that is vested in him.

 

I have no knowledge of the American military, but if it is anything that that in the UK, you can expect to be fully supported the whole way.

 

Best of luck.